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Thread: Loving someone with different belief system

  1. #1

    Loving someone with different belief system

    So I've met this girl in school, and we've been best friends ever since, I always had feelings for her and I knew she had feelings for me. We ended up going to University in different countries (Europe and UAE), however our friendship kept getting stronger, she had a few relationships over the 8 years we've known each other, meanwhile I had been on dates and had hook ups but I never dated because I was never into that. Recently, we met for one night in Amsterdam, and we broke down and told each other that we are in love and hooked up. But we decided to not peruse this as a relationship because I am an atheist from a christian background and she's from a very religious muslim family, and it would be close to impossible for this to be accepted. Also we realized that we have different philosophies when it comes to family and kids that are polar opposites (for example where we would live and raising children on religion or not).

    Now we are stuck because we both want to be together but we are scared that if we go through this and it doesn't work we would have thrown away years of friendship (which isn't just a normal friendship we are very close to each other and it would be devastating if we drift apart). We have also made it clear that we don't want to change how we think for the sake of this relationship (me converting to islam for example) because even if i managed to play the role of a muslim for so many years I will come to loath this relationship and everything that comes due to it because I am not convinced with islam or any religion for that matter, and I don't see myself ever changing or going back to religion.

    I really don't know if anyone can help, but any and all advice is appreciated.

    Thank you guys

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    You are ok to date but not ok to get married. So just date, When it gets to the point the relationship has ran itís course go back to being friends. The reality is....when she gets married your friendship will come to an end anyways. Her Muslim husband will forbid it. So enjoy it while it lasts.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Attraction and suitability are two different things. She may be scheduled for an arranged marriage, or worse you could be putting her at risk for serious consequences. Leave her alone and find a local atheist.
    Originally Posted by Rambodonkey
    she's from a very religious muslim family

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    This is no good. Be respectful to each other and let go.

    I've been judged for being Catholic by Protestants and other denominations of Christians. Catholics are the big baddies with bad rep with no coming back. I've also been judged harshly by atheists and agnostic people. Most of the time I receive a blank stare and people turn away not knowing what to say and I haven't said anything at all. Someone candidly said to me once that despite our chemistry he would never date a Catholic. Judgment abounds on both sides so if you feel upset just by the idea, I'd caution you to think forwards and be considerate to each other. Stay even and as neutral as you can. Don't seek to change one another.

    In every group or community you'll find varying degrees of belief. You sound very much against any religion and have serious issues with it. I think you're on your own journey and still formulating your beliefs and opinions. You wouldn't be so irked even if you were atheist if you felt confident in yourself.

    My closest and oldest friend was raised Hindu and Catholic (dual religion in Singapore). She married another Hindu man but they celebrated their wedding in both cultures according to both religions. Two weddings. Their two children respect both Hindu customs and go to church.

    Another very close friend of mine is Muslim. We get along like a house on fire.

    The end game is to be kind to one another.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    You have different philosophies that are polar opposites and don't want to change the way you think for the sake of this relationship. You live in different countries. You also never date because you are never into that. Imo, you are not really interested in a relationship with her, you are just attracted to what you can't have. Pursuing a romantic relationship would be pointless. Take her off the pedestal and keep her as a friend only, just like before anything happened. Your relationship has an expiration date either way.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Remain realistic. Your relationship with her is doomed for failure. There are far too many fundamental values and differences which will ultimately cause both of you to eventually go your separate ways.

    I agree with others. It's fine to date only. Forget about marriage and family. There is a reason why people who have a lot in common can relate and therefore, they marry and raise families together. Sure, it works if one spouse is a Christian and the other is an atheist. (Or other religious or non-religious pairings.) However, there will always be a division within the household which will forever be problematic not to mention erupted arguments and fights over this.

    I married a Christian and we raised our sons as Christians, served in church together, went on mission trips, pray together and this is our lifestyle. I don't see how it could've worked for either one of us had we had sharp differences upon marriage and family life. It would've been difficult and too challenging to the point of being very unnecessarily stressful. Sorry, love does not conquer all.

    Remember: "Birds of a feather flock together" for a reason.

  8. #7
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Bottom line: Her belief system and that of her family don't match yours.

    Do you really think that dating her, fully knowing that you have very different views on life, is beneficial to either of you? As amazing as she seems right now, the more you keep dating her, the harder it will be for you to let this go.

    It's certainly a tough spot to be in.

  9. 01-20-2020, 02:28 PM

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