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Thread: Broken, Depressed, Feeling Disconnected

  1. #1
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Broken, Depressed, Feeling Disconnected

    Hi, have gone very quiet after last episode with the ex. The abusive nature of those messages keep repeating in my head sometimes i try distracting myself but cant seem to do any work or activity with full focus.

    Is this normal to feel like this , lonely depressed not feeling like doing anything?

    Have had pretty bad sleeping patterns sometimes i wake up middle of night just sit and gaze out of the window, morning stay at home on the bed and cant seem to find a reason to get out of the house.

    Order food instead of cooking used to love that earlier. Haven't gone out to buy groceries for 3 weeks now

    I used to be very lively and energetic had my evening walks and weekend runs , all have stopped dont feel like doing anything.

    Talk to my sis sometimes whom i apolozised for not wishing on Christmas told her am so down hope she has a wonderful christmas.

    I still am very fit but the emotional hurt is taking its toll i believe, I was so scared to see my ex last time, that for a week now i have taken work from home so as to avoid her. As there is shutdown at Cisco, we dont need to work for a week now.

    I talk to my friends tell them I cant find motivation or inspiration to do anything, they say give some time this will pass but it seems like ages some days are really worse

    how to get slowly but positively out of this phase of my life?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It might be time to look into professional help.

    Does your workplace have resources you can use?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sometimes it's slow and steady that does it. No need to be bubbly or energetic. I can't speak for anyone else but I go over the reasons for it ending and recognize all the signs of it ending long before it did. I normally have a very good recollection of all the red flags I ignored out of love or desire to work through things at the time but I'm cognizant of the signs. I process and understand them (those signs I willfully ignored) and the situation for what it is and shift into accepting a new beginning. While the relationship is lost, there is room for many new things. I hurt like many people but I don't have the ability to dwell... fortunately or unfortunately this shift happens within a week. I think it might have turned off some people in my past but I can't help what I am. It doesn't cheapen or lessen what was shared - I don't think it's fair to judge someone for how quickly they are able to accept the fact that it's over.

    In the same way you'll have to find a way to recognize the end, process the markers that were there all along and accept the end.

    Don't feel rushed. Don't push yourself to be your usual self right away. Just accept that it's over and never be afraid to re-see what you already knew back then.

  4. #4
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    Rose is right. There is no need to rush anything. You don't put time limits on healing.

    What you are describing sounds very common after a breakup. Give yourself time and space to recover. Putting pressure on yourself will not help.

    If you feel like you can benefit from it then why not see a therapist? No shame in that whatsoever.

    It doesn't feel like it right now but your old self will return once you've accepted and come to terms witg the end of the relationship.

    Be kind to yourself first and foremost.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Depression can make you continue to make bad decisions (such as languishing and chasing underlings at work). Then it just gets worse because you have to deal with the fallout from the bad decisions and that perpetuates the cycle of bad decisions, consequences, depressed feelings, more bad decisions, more consequences, etc.

    Only you can break this downward spiral by getting to a doctor and therapist and asking for help. Chasing down and preying on more women you supervise is not the answer. Of course you must feel guilty for the situation you placed her in, but she resigned so perhaps you can save face and go to work and things will blow over.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Thanks Rose

    No wiseman i didnt chase her we just met outside of work many times and started knowing each other, nobody in office knows about us and i wasn't aware about her being in touch with her ex all the time.

    I dont chase women in office to be honest this just happenned cause of few common friends outside work .

    She resigned not because of me but cause she got a good offer and i really wanted her to take up that job to help her financial issue and her growth, this was 2 months back and she discussed the offer with me and asked for guidance on whether to take it up.

    I do have regrets and feel guilty for falling in love with a colleague will never do that again in my life.

    It really feels bad believe me

  8. #7
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It might be time to look into professional help.

    Does your workplace have resources you can use?
    Not much really at workplace am afraid the moment i discuss this at work things will go down for me there.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Rose is right. There is no need to rush anything. You don't put time limits on healing.

    What you are describing sounds very common after a breakup. Give yourself time and space to recover. Putting pressure on yourself will not help.

    If you feel like you can benefit from it then why not see a therapist? No shame in that whatsoever.

    It doesn't feel like it right now but your old self will return once you've accepted and come to terms witg the end of the relationship.

    Be kind to yourself first and foremost.
    Thanks ninjabib

    I am still searching for a therapist here never been to one before so yeah bit weiry of everything tbh.

  10. #9
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    No need to be weary, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I highly recommend it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Be kind to yourself and understand what you are experiencing is normal.

    At some point giving yourself a little push helps. Baby steps.
    How about challenging yourself to go to the grocery store? Can you do that?

    It begins the process of 'fake it til you make it'

    Slowly work yourself back into what would be your normal patterns. You'll feel resistance, but you do it anyway.

    I think staying in the funk pattern you're in ends up making it worse. As you are experiencing ,outside of the disappointment of a relationship lost, you are becoming concerned about your current patterns of coping and beginning to be hard on yourself due to it.

    Go for a walk and then crawl back in bed if you feel like it, but push yourself to do small things everyday and the rest will come.

    I recall my last breakup and having isolated myself on the couch all weekend and trying to escape into my TV in a dark room, I forced myself to get dressed, drive south and did a challenging hike alone that was a little too advanced for me at the time. It was the LAST thing I felt like doing but I did it anyway.

    It was the start of turning things around for me. I was proud of myself for doing it. Sweaty, exhausted and on my way home I bought groceries and cooked myself a nice dinner.

    It wasnt all rosey, but it was the first step ( well, maybe a leap) into pulling myself up and out. I still had some dark days but doing percieved normal things reminded me that no matter what, I'd be ok.

    Hang in there.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 12-28-2019 at 09:51 AM.

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