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Hi I wanted some advice please from an outsiders point of view on my situation.

I am 32 and have recently fell pregnant . I am not with the father. Because of my age and previous health problems I am excited to be pregnant and pretty sure I am keeping it. Although I have down days.

 

It was unplanned and although I have known the father for a long time we have never been official and it has been extremely volatile and on and off. I have never had him to myself which always put me off chasing him too much or making too much effort as I assumed I would just get hurt or used but somehow while he was still in the picture I couldn't get over him. This has gone on for years. I have suffered a lot of health problems including depression , anxiety and fatigue which has stopped me being in a serious relationship also.

 

Now I know this story sounds dysfunctional but please don't judge.

 

So this guy is with another woman but he cheats on her on a weekly basis and they have been on and off a lot. She has just had his baby and the baby is 2 months old.

 

So he has messed with my head and said he doesen't really want to be with her etc and he has said he would like to eventually settle down with me and other things but I haven't totally believed him anyway.

 

So being weak I was unable to call things off with him, as I do love him, and we were still meeting up . I was under the impression the other relationship was on the way out due to being on and off on a weekly basis.

 

So it actually seemed like he was trying to get me pregnant as he knows I wasn't on the pill and we weren't careful enough.

 

I took the morning after pill because of this but one time I didn't and yes I am pregnant.

 

So this woman messaged me a few months back and straight out asked me if anything was going on and I didn't reply.

 

When I suspected I was pregnant ; I told him and he was adamant for me to get an abortion and then it turned in to a row.

 

I was overcome with emotions and decided this situation was just too much and the lies and guilt was a burden so feeling upset and hormonal and angry and guilty and all of those things (and also numb on diazepam ) I made a bad decision to message her and tell her the truth. She kept digging for info and I told her more than I meant to. She said she was grateful as she would rather know than live a lie. But once my temper and the diazepam wore off I regretted what I had done.

 

So of course he was majorly angry as there is a kid involved and said he will never speak to me again etc. And now I know I am definitely pregnant I have told him but he hasn't replied. I said to him the truth will come out in the end anyway. And he would of got caught. At that point I was planning on getting rid of him for good and being rid of a bad situation.

 

I just don't know how this is going to pan out and it is a messy situation. That woman is putting up with all his crap and cheating which I wouldn't be able to put up with. They are still together. But somehow I still have a fantasy that if they didn't work out that we still might have a chance. But I don't want to meddle anymore as the first time was a mistake.

 

I am not going to kill it (the baby) just because of his mistakes and this messy situation. I think even if she finds out the complete truth that I am expecting she won't end it with him.. In fact the involvement of me is probably going to keep them together as she isn't going to bear the thought of me having him (even though I don't think that I could put up with him relationship wise)

 

I just have no idea how to handle this and unfortunately what is done is done.

 

He has been very nasty to me though and said he wants to never see me again and that hurts a lot :(. His reason being that there is a child involved but in my mind there are 2 children involved now so he needs to consider that.

 

I think I was just trying to protect myself as someone else advised me. So now I am facing being a single mom and I have no idea what his involvement will be. He loves his other kids and is involved with them so I think he will want something to do with it.

 

. I just deeply regret allowing myself to be second best and hang around when I should have had the strength to leave and now I have to face the consequences.

 

I know I need to wait for the dust to settle but I just don't know how to handle this situation and what situations are going to arise in future.

 

Please no nasty comments as I am already suffering emotionally thanks

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See an attorney about child support. You're probably going to have to have his wages garnished.

 

One of my good friends involved herself in an affair with a married man and became pregnant. She too hoped this (awful) man would leave his wife and be with her. I can't fathom why when he'd already proved himself to be a lying cheater, but she was in her middle 30s and desperate for a husband and children.

 

She had the baby. The father completely disappeared from her life (except for one time when he invited her over for sex in the bed he shares with his wife because the wife went to the store). She gets no child support and the child never sees it's father.

 

I don't know what she's going to tell the child when the child asks about it's father.

 

So are you going to see about getting the child support your baby deserves? And please stop hoping this horrible man leaves his relationship to be with you. You already know he has no morals, so why would you want a lifetime of that?

 

And please make better choices. Your child deserves a mother who isn't involving herself with married men or men in relationships. Please do better for the both of you.

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Go see a lawyer or whoever it is takes care of making sure a father pays child support and get the ball rolling on that. If you educate yourself you'll at least feel like you're in some kind of control of yourself and the financial well being of your baby to be.

 

If you're going to be a single mother then you are going to have to forget about this man and start looking after yourself (with the help of a therapist if need be) so that you are in complete control of your life once the baby comes along. Your focus must be on the child now so forget about him until the baby is born and you need to get child support in place.

 

Are you on Diazepam now?

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Who is going to take care of and support this child? Who will pay your medical bills? Can you prove it's his? You will have to through DNA testing at some point. Do you have a job? Do you live in a home that is decent to bring a child into? You can't keep a man or take him away from anyone by allowing yourself to get pregnant. It's sad you did this to yourself and even sadder you are ruing a bunch of lives all to try to get this guy. Get some help for the mental health issues.

I am 32 and have recently fell pregnant I have suffered a lot of health problems including depression , anxiety and fatigue

I took the morning after pill because of this but one time I didn't and yes I am pregnant.

I told him and he was adamant for me to get an abortion and then it turned in to a row.

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You need to get to a doctor asap. You need to get tested for STDs since you are having unprotected sex with a promiscuous man who has unprotected sex. You need to tell the clinic/doctor about this because diseases can affect a fetus.

So this guy is with another woman but he cheats on her on a weekly basis and they have been on and off a lot. She has just had his baby and the baby is 2 months old.
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