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Thread: Is he gay?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    So you think the answer to why he has a lower sex drive, suffers from ED and the occasional comment about a guy that is handsome is that he must be gay? That's like a guy that gets rejected by a woman says "OH she must be a lesbian...." Obviously your relationship is not going too well if you are coming here for answers. He is not fulfilling your expectations, you don't feel as desired like you should, and it feels like he's just going through the motions, then it's time to quit it and move on. This is why we date...to find out about them, and see how they treat you, and if they do fulfill your expectations in almost every way. Now you know this isn't great, it's 10 months in and you are questioning the integrity of this relationship. He's not cutting it, so why question it....I say end it. You can't make it any different than it already is. Does it really matter if he's gay or not...not really. What matters is how things are and the fact you don't like it.

  2. #12
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    Look I think there is nothing exactly there that straight out points to him being gay. Having trouble maintaining an erection doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it, or even to do with you. I've been with guys who had trouble with it and they were very into women and into me. I'm pretty sure the guys I was with who had trouble had shyness and anxiety about their performance which led to that. Another two guys with ED were on antidepressants for their mental illness and the medication had those side effects. Some men also might have some physical problem in and of itself, who knows?

    How often does your boyfriend comment on handsome men? If it's rare then that's probably no more so than your average guy. You seem to be coming from a perspective that men are supposed to behave in a certain way but that's actually just societal stereotyping. Women often comment: "Oh, that girl is so pretty!" and these are completely straight women and nobody suspects them of being a lesbian. But if a man makes that comment then automatically he is gay?

    Some men also don't subscribe to "gender norms". I have a fully straight male friend who put on nail polish a couple of times just because he liked it. I'm bisexual and we went to the Pride March and he said he wanted me to put make-up and glitter on him.

    I mean what would really be your boyfriend's purpose of being with a woman if he's actually gay? Does he come from a religious or strict culture where being gay is not acceptable? Are his family close-minded? If not then why would he pretend he likes women and not just be gay?

    I think the best thing if you're so concerned is to try talking to your boyfriend about all this again. Talking about erectile dysfunction is an embarrassing topic for men though and in my experience most will try to avoid it. So that also has nothing to do with being gay. I think you need to try to be gentle in how you discuss it and not make him feel bad.
    Last edited by Tinydance; 12-27-2019 at 10:46 PM.

  3. #13
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    i am smitten wth my guy so couldn't immediately tell you what actors are attractive, though i could immediately tell you which actresses are way prettier than me or who i think looks like me etc. btw, he may be nervous about telling you which women are attractive because you could be mad if he does - if they don't look like you, have bigger boobs etc
    What she said 100%.

    It sounds like you’re happy with this guy and things are good.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    lol at this thread. I don't know what to say.

    I guess if he's that much of a turnoff you'll leave and the problem will be solved.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    What she said 100%.

    It sounds like you’re happy with this guy and things are good.
    And my guy has told me that decent guys don't go around telling their wives and girlfriends which woman is attractive, because they might get a punch in the face. I mean, If you find Christina Hendricks attractive (voluptuous red head) and your girlfriend has black or blonde hair, is rather tomboyish and is mistaken for a 14 year old boy when she wears her hair in a baseball cap, or if its Halle Berry and your girlfriend is 300 lbs and a redhead, the woman starts analyzing it.

    Unless you say "i find x celebrity attractive because i think she resembles you," that's the ONLY way of getting out of it. So just because he doesn't comment on women means nothing. It means he values his relationship and teeth

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