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Ex playing games?


Unwanteditem

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I don't know if my ex is playing games or not.

We have been talking on and off for a while and at first she was very cold towards me but as things progressed I managed to get her more warm towards me, being jokey and having a bit of a laugh.

Previous to this I had asked her to meet for coffee and although I didn't get a no I didn't get a yes either and after asking again two weeks later I promptly got ignored which has happened before where she will talk then all of a sudden disappear. When she does this I make no attempts to contact her again.

She will still however post happily al over social media, so she is blatantly ignoring me.

More recently she's been asking questions of me, saying that she's pleased that my job is going well(I got a promotion) and seemed interested to talk. She then once again completely disappears. She ignored me for FIVE days then all of a sudden popped up again answering to my previous conversation and even starting a new one. I replied to her after a few hours and she hasn't replied since, that was six days ago now. I really don't understand why she is doing this. Why start a new conversation if you're going to ignore me?

Inbetween this she has added new guys etc and posted happily again all over social media. So she is (I think quite rudely) blatantly ignoring me again.

I'm beginning to think she might be playing games?

It really hurts when she does this, but I can't bring myself to block her, it's my only means of communication and I still want her back. I'm keeping quiet in my social media and doing my best to enjoy my holidays.

Can anyone give any advice? Am I over reacting by thinking it's rude?

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Stop following her on social media, block and delete, and move on with your life. What a complete waste of your time and energy.

 

Unless she has stated that she wants full reconciliation, you should NOT be in any contact. There has been plenty of time. Cut her off!

 

You have been doing this for 9 months. C'mon dude! Good grief!

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Do you mind me asking why you broke up or why it's been on/off?

 

On/off relationships aren't healthy overall and there are usually a lot of egos at play. Pride can be a big thing between two people who can't work through their differences and are always defensive around one another but need to be around one another. If you're both not able to work through your differences and feed less on all those insecurities that currently exist, this is a neverending loop of insanity between the both of you. Your interactions together may appear like a long series of games. If you feel like you're not being taken seriously or both of you have a history of not treating each other seriously, that's a problem.

 

I'd cool it and take a time out. In order for any relationship to work it takes 100% of those people involved. This means 100% consent, 100% dedication. It doesn't work any other way.

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Do you mind me asking why you broke up or why it's been on/off?

 

On/off relationships aren't healthy overall and there are usually a lot of egos at play. Pride can be a big thing between two people who can't work through their differences and are always defensive around one another but need to be around one another. If you're both not able to work through your differences and feed less on all those insecurities that currently exist, this is a neverending loop of insanity between the both of you. Your interactions together may appear like a long series of games. If you feel like you're not being taken seriously or both of you have a history of not treating each other seriously, that's a problem.

 

I'd cool it and take a time out. In order for any relationship to work it takes 100% of those people involved. This means 100% consent, 100% dedication. It doesn't work any other way.

She fell out of love with him.

 

"Me and my ex broke up 8 months ago. She started to lose interest and became very distant. No matter what I tried (and believe me I tried) things just didn't seem right. We eventually 'mutually' broke up after her suggesting we couldn't carry on the way we are so I very reluctantly agreed to stop as I couldn't see another way forward given I was trying my best to see her and works things out and it was going knowhere.

 

The last eight months have been very tough. After we broke up I tried to meet her and talk,,,she wouldn't, I bumped into her and she completely ignored me but afterwards messaged me saying she did see me but made an excuse as to why she couldn't say hi or even wave (feeling guilty I think.

We have been in contact over the months and it usually ends up woth her completely ignoring me until one of us initiates contact for whatever reason. "

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Sorry this is still happening. It sounds like she has someone else and has relegated you to the back burner, so don't keep talking to her or following her on social media. Try to accept it's over so you can move forward to better women who don't engage in this type of nonsense.

 

My advice remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562727&p=7182190&viewfull=1#post7182190

We have been talking on and off for a while. I didn't get a no I didn't get a yes either and after asking again two weeks later I promptly got ignored which has happened before where she will talk then all of a sudden disappear.

she has added new guys etc and posted happily again all over social media. So she is (I think quite rudely) blatantly ignoring me again.

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She fell out of love with him.

 

"Me and my ex broke up 8 months ago. She started to lose interest and became very distant. No matter what I tried (and believe me I tried) things just didn't seem right. We eventually 'mutually' broke up after her suggesting we couldn't carry on the way we are so I very reluctantly agreed to stop as I couldn't see another way forward given I was trying my best to see her and works things out and it was going knowhere.

 

The last eight months have been very tough. After we broke up I tried to meet her and talk,,,she wouldn't, I bumped into her and she completely ignored me but afterwards messaged me saying she did see me but made an excuse as to why she couldn't say hi or even wave (feeling guilty I think.

We have been in contact over the months and it usually ends up woth her completely ignoring me until one of us initiates contact for whatever reason. "

 

Thanks, Holly.

 

I guess you'll just have to see if you can accept that it's over, OP. I'm really sorry - this is line of thinking is no good. The sooner you're able to make sense of it ending and the reasons why (accepting why it's no good), you'll learn to move on without her. It comes down to knowing what's best for yourself.

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Thanks, Holly.

 

I guess you'll just have to see if you can accept that it's over, OP. I'm really sorry - this is line of thinking is no good. The sooner you're able to make sense of it ending and the reasons why (accepting why it's no good), you'll learn to move on without her. It comes down to knowing what's best for yourself.

 

Thanks all. I know I should be over this by now. The truth is I never really got closure as to why things drifted away. Maybe that is part of the reason I am still clinging on to some sort of hope. All my friends and family tell me she manipulated me to put the blame onto me for most things, I don't see it but I guess I'm still looking at things through rose tinted glasses. I have to look at things that if she had an ounce of respect or love for me she would of wanted to work things out by now and not just message me here and there when I guess she's is feeling lonely or bored. Sad really.

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In the immortal words of Frozen you need to let it go OP. Shes gone. Shes not playing ganes. She can't believe you are still hounding her 9 months after breakup most probably. She will contact you when shes bored and ignore you when shes not.

 

 

Block, delete and move on my friend or remain stuck forever.

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No. You are the one playing games, because you think by staying in contact you might get her back, and here you are over-analyzing text messages and social media posts.

 

She is doing what exes do, where the person dumped consents to remaining friends. In part this is to assuage her guilt that you are hurt (i.e. it is for her, not you), in part to ease and wean herself off you, and in part to hold you in reserve as a settle option. All of this friendzone nonsense destroys any possibility of reconciliation. She never has time to feel the feeling of missing you, you validate her choices, and basically you are being a doormat.

 

A month ago you said this. I suggest you act on it:

 

Thanks, I don't want to be friends with her, I doubt she even treats her friends like this.

I will ignore her from now on if she ever does get back in touch, I hate ignoring people because I think it's disrespectful but I guess it's the only way for her.

 

The next message (in reply to one from her) you send her should read:

 

"This is not what I wanted, by I can't be just a friend. If you ever change your mind, give me a call. Otherwise, good luck".

 

Then walk away. And block her everywhere. If she wants to come and find you, she will.

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Well just because you keep chasing her and contacting her doesn't mean you're going to get a result. You are not together anymore so she doesn't have to contact you all the time or reply often. To be honest it doesn't sound like she wants you back so if you're having trouble moving on then you should just block her on everything and stop contacting her. If your agreement was to stay friends then ask her for space and say you'll be friends when you're ready. Then block and no contact for a long time. She's not playing games with you, she is just sporadically replying because she's not into you anymore and she's living her own life.

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Closure is when the relationship ends. The breakup. It drifted away because you allowed it to and now you are trying to backpedal. A little too little a little too late. Use this time to gain insight and not point fingers or paint yourself as an innocent victim. Things end, it happens. Learn, grow and do things smarter and differently next time.

I never really got closure as to why things drifted away.
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Thanks all. I know I should be over this by now. The truth is I never really got closure as to why things drifted away. Maybe that is part of the reason I am still clinging on to some sort of hope. All my friends and family tell me she manipulated me to put the blame onto me for most things, I don't see it but I guess I'm still looking at things through rose tinted glasses. I have to look at things that if she had an ounce of respect or love for me she would of wanted to work things out by now and not just message me here and there when I guess she's is feeling lonely or bored. Sad really.

 

There it is. That's the gold nugget. Hold on to it and use it. It's going to buy you a lot of greener pastures.

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