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Thread: Ex contacted me

  1. #1
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    Ex contacted me

    I had posted on this a few months ago when my ex of 6 years split up with me out of the blue, I was completely devastated and have been going to counselling, but I received a text from him the other day after a month or no speaking and he was asking how I was saying how hes not in a good place because we have broken up and feels terrible how he has treated me and still loves me etc, I really dont understand it because he made it pretty clear he didnt want to try and that something was missing for him. So I'm not sure why he has messaged all of this. I have been doing so well the past few months and just trying to get on with things, but what are your thoughts?

  2. #2
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    He feels lonely and is second guessing his decision to leave. His text is testing the waters to see how you would react.

    Smarter, more intuitive people than I will ask you to consider what has really changed if you are thinking about getting back together. What did you say in your reply?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I would just cut to the chase with him and ask him what he wants. Reaching out to tell you he feels bad seems like a cry for help. But it's not your job to help ease his conscience or discomfort for having left. That's being selfish.

    It calls for an `all or nothing' question.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about the confusion.

    My generous view, taking your past threads into account, is that your ex is very "young" emotionally. What I mean is that what he's expressing is what nearly everyone feels after breaking up: lost, confused, regretful, uncertain. It's not particularly special, in short, and it's generally not very kind to share these feelings with the person you've ended things with unless you want to get back together.

    Did you respond?

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    I said to him I'm doing fine and he said he doesnt know if hes ok and said he is feeling this way because we have broken up. I said to him it was your decision to end things and he said I know but I still care about you. He said to me I understand if you cant or dont want to speak to me anymore, I said well I just didnt expect you to message and he said well since you havent answered the question I presume you dont want me to speak to you right now I was like , blue castle you gave me great advice and I have been trying to look after myself and get myself better because the past two months have been the worst of my life but I domt get why he would just text out of the blue?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't take him back yet again. He tried this before and he needs to treat his depression and get out of his parents house and improve his life. Do not start communicating with him. Get on with your life as you have been so you can meet stable mature men who are sure about you.

    He will just yo-yo you around when his next round of "not ready" or "don't feel a spark" or "you're like a sister" and whatever excuses he has used to push you away comes around.

    Stay strong and realize there is not future with this indecisive depressed mama's boy. Tell him he needs to see a doctor and therapist. Unless he's paying you $200/hr do not listen to his drivel.
    Originally Posted by LSL
    I received a text from him the other day after a month or no speaking and he was asking how I was saying how hes not in a good place because we have broken up and feels terrible how he has treated me and still loves me etc,

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LSL
    I domt get why he would just text out of the blue?
    Because dumpers grieve too. Two of my most painful relationship endings were by my choice. But it would have been very selfish of me to reach out to them in order to ease my pain.

    If you make that decision, you have to be respectful and stand behind it.

    He had a moment of weakness and reached out. His trying to flip you on the mat and make you feel responsible for not communicating is typical too. Now he can unload some the blame for the relationship ending. Again, selfish dumping on his part.

    I'd be firm. All or nothing? Which is it?, because my time and my emotional well being is valuable. I won't permit you to open this door unless you have the full intention of walking through it. Anything else is just noise.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Don't take him back yet again. He tried this before and he needs to treat his depression and get out of his parents house and improve his life. Do not start communicating with him. Get on with your life as you have been so you can meet stable mature men who are sure about you.

    He will just yo-yo you around when his next round of "not ready" or "don't feel a spark" or "you're like a sister" and whatever excuses he has used to push you away comes around.

    Stay strong and realize there is not future with this indecisive depressed mama's boy. Tell him he needs to see a doctor and therapist. Unless he's paying you $200/hr do not listen to his drivel.
    Thank you Wiseman I have been doing so well too, I am back at the gym 2 stone down in weight and feeling stronger but I feel this has set me back a bit, he said he was only messaging to see how I was then started saying all that stuff, I said to him I wasnt sure if you were messaging to say you had met someone else and he said no he hasnt been speaking, seeing anyone else. Then he said to me I would understand if you had been though, I said to him why would you think that and he said I dunno I just thought you maybe had.

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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Because dumpers grieve too. Two of my most painful relationship endings were by my choice. But it would have been very selfish of me to reach out to them in order to ease my pain.

    If you make that decision, you have to be respectful and stand behind it.

    He had a moment of weakness and reached out. His trying to flip you on the mat and make you feel responsible for not communicating is typical too. Now he can unload some the blame for the relationship ending. Again, selfish dumping on his part.

    I'd be firm. All or nothing? Which is it?, because my time and my emotional well being is valuable. I won't permit you to open this door unless you have the full intention of walking through it. Anything else is just noise.
    We havent spoke since then and I'm not reaching out to him its not fair on me to do that to me. I think he was probs expecting j would be begging him to get back together and I havent done that at all.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LSL
    We havent spoke since then and I'm not reaching out to him its not fair on me to do that to me. I think he was probs expecting j would be begging him to get back together and I havent done that at all.
    You do have control over this. You know that, don't you? So, what will you do the next time he calls?

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