Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 12 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 120

Thread: Ex contacted me

  1. #21
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    yes, it makes sense.
    stop responding to him.
    I just feel a bit of a mug tbh as I feel I got sucked in by replying to him if that makes sense?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    The emerald city
    Posts
    1,137
    Gender
    Male
    We all learn all the time, and treat this as that - learning to do better next time.

    No point tearing your hair out about it. You'll be fine.

    Originally Posted by LSL
    I just feel a bit of a mug tbh as I feel I got sucked in by replying to him if that makes sense?

  3. #23
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    We all learn all the time, and treat this as that - learning to do better next time.

    No point tearing your hair out about it. You'll be fine.
    I know just dont want him thinking he can jump in and out of contact when he can if that makes sense?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,817
    Gender
    Female
    Reread previous advise

  5.  

  6. #25
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    I'm not sure why I am feeling down today but thought I would post on here. I have been doing so well and kept myself busy over Christmas and new year and today I seem to be feeling upset over our relationship ending. I think because my ex text me a couple of weeks ago saying he is down etc because of us breaking up and what he has done to me, I cant stop thinking about it, I feel bad I cant help him but should I really be feeling this way? Because I said to him it is far too hard for me to be his friend but if he really did need me to let me know and since then he has been very dry so I'm thinking is there any point messaging him to see how he is? As he is the one who decided to split with me.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,380
    " today I seem to be feeling upset over our relationship ending. I think because my ex text me a couple of weeks ago saying he is down etc because of us breaking up and what he has done to me, I cant stop thinking about it, "

    Communication with him is the cause of your upset, not the cure for it.

    See my signature line.

    It's OK to have down days. It's how we choose to act that makes an impact on our lives.

    Feeling down? See your friends, your family, do something you enjoy. Don't re-engage with someone who discarded you from his life and then thinks he can just pop back in whenever he feels like it.

  8. #27
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    " today I seem to be feeling upset over our relationship ending. I think because my ex text me a couple of weeks ago saying he is down etc because of us breaking up and what he has done to me, I cant stop thinking about it, "

    Communication with him is the cause of your upset, not the cure for it.

    See my signature line.

    It's OK to have down days. It's how we choose to act that makes an impact on our lives.

    Feeling down? See your friends, your family, do something you enjoy. Don't re-engage with someone who discarded you from his life and then thinks he can just pop back in whenever he feels like it.
    Thank you I think I am just worried about him after saying all those things a couple of weeks ago but it isnt fair to land all that on me after he chose to end our 6 year relationship because he was bored on a day to day basis and would rather be out doing other things than spend time with me.

    I think because also two of our mutual friends are expecting a baby and others have just got engaged I'm feeling this way as I just feel I've turned 30 and starting over again.

  9. #28
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Reread previous advise
    not sure why I am feeling down today but thought I would post on here. I have been doing so well and kept myself busy over Christmas and new year and today I seem to be feeling upset over our relationship ending. I think because my ex text me a couple of weeks ago saying he is down etc because of us breaking up and what he has done to me, I cant stop thinking about it, I feel bad I cant help him but should I really be feeling this way? Because I said to him it is far too hard for me to be his friend but if he really did need me to let me know and since then he has been very dry so I'm thinking is there any point messaging him to see how he is? As he is the one who decided to split with me.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,226
    Gender
    Male
    I'd worry about yourself right now, not him. He's a little down, you're a little down, you're each handling that the best you can. That's all his reaching out was: a thing exes do, have done for centuries. I'd label it as "human" rather than "unfair." Less mystery that way, less weight. The only reason to make it more in your mind is because—understandably—you're still in the process of letting go.

    There's no off switch for the thoughts and feelings you're having, of course. But there is a way to just observe them rather than indulge them. I like to remind myself that it's okay to feel whatever I might be feeling—and then do something I know makes me feel better. Could be tiny, like doing the dishes. Could be less tiny, like an 8 mile hike. Could be a glass of wine with a friend. And so on. Those choices stack up.

    One thing that his me, when I turned 30, was the reality that the feeling of "starting over" is a kind of unavoidable part of life. Sometimes it'll be more intense than others—and harder—but if you can lean into it as something to be excited about, rather than some verdict, you're likely not only to look back at this as a vital time of growth but to have a different perspective on things moving through the business of living—including future relationships.

  11. #30
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    136
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I'd worry about yourself right now, not him. He's a little down, you're a little down, you're each handling that the best you can. That's all his reaching out was: a thing exes do, have done for centuries. I'd label it as "human" rather than "unfair." Less mystery that way, less weight. The only reason to make it more in your mind is because—understandably—you're still in the process of letting go.

    There's no off switch for the thoughts and feelings you're having, of course. But there is a way to just observe them rather than indulge them. I like to remind myself that it's okay to feel whatever I might be feeling—and then do something I know makes me feel better. Could be tiny, like doing the dishes. Could be less tiny, like an 8 mile hike. Could be a glass of wine with a friend. And so on. Those choices stack up.

    One thing that his me, when I turned 30, was the reality that the feeling of "starting over" is a kind of unavoidable part of life. Sometimes it'll be more intense than others—and harder—but if you can lean into it as something to be excited about, rather than some verdict, you're likely not only to look back at this as a vital time of growth but to have a different perspective on things moving through the business of living—including future relationships.
    Thank you blue castle I was doing so well with no contact with him for over a month and since hes reached out its put me back a bit and now I'm concerned about him but he chose all of this that's the thing.

    Yeah well I have an appointment with mortgage advisor in a couple of weeks to see about buying my own place, need to keep moving forward even though I'm still in pain

Page 3 of 12 FirstFirst 123456 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •