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Thread: Ex contacted me

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You do have control over this. You know that, don't you? So, what will you do the next time he calls?
    If he does message I will ask him outright exactly what it is that he wants? Because he cant just pop in and out of contact when he wants. I dont know if he was just trying to suss out what I've been up to because after he said all that he started being quite dry with me

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Sorry about the confusion.


    My generous view, taking your past threads into account, is that your ex is very "young" emotionally. What I mean is that what he's expressing is what nearly everyone feels after breaking up: lost, confused, regretful, uncertain. It's not particularly special, in short, and it's generally not very kind to share these feelings with the person you've ended things with unless you want to get back together.

    Did you respond?
    I said to him I'm doing fine and he said he doesnt know if hes ok and said he is feeling this way because we have broken up. I said to him it was your decision to end things and he said I know but I still care about you. He said to me I understand if you cant or dont want to speak to me anymore, I said well I just didnt expect you to message and he said well since you havent answered the question I presume you dont want me to speak to you right now I was like , blue castle you gave me great advice and I have been trying to look after myself and get myself better because the past two months have been the worst of my life but I domt get why he would just text out of the blue

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    He feels lonely and is second guessing his decision to leave. His text is testing the waters to see how you would react.

    Smarter, more intuitive people than I will ask you to consider what has really changed if you are thinking about getting back together. What did you say in your reply?
    I said to him I'm doing fine and he said he doesnt know if hes ok and said he is feeling this way because we have broken up. I said to him it was your decision to end things and he said I know but I still care about you. He said to me I understand if you cant or dont want to speak to me anymore, I said well I just didnt expect you to message and he said well since you havent answered the question I presume you dont want me to speak to you right now I was like , blue castle you gave me great advice and I have been trying to look after myself and get myself better because the past two months have been the worst of my life but I domt get why he would just text out of the blue?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd dissect it less. Let the 'why' go. He just is and he was concerned about you or wanted to touch base. If you go on wondering about every reason for the way people behave, I think you would drive yourself up the wall - especially concerning this individual (your ex).

    Let go of that type of control - needing to know 'why'.

    Break ups can be hard on both people. If you've never had an amicable or loving bond after a break up or have been able to communicate with an ex through the process, I can see why you might not understand what he's going through. I learned a lot listening to the other side and absorbing what was being said instead of arguing the who, what, why because it was hurting me personally. You can do that too and learn to compartmentalize your pain and listen to him as an individual or see his actions for what they are. He's going through his own turmoil.

    You're not obligated to hear that at all either. You should be the gauge of what's appropriate to you at any given moment. I have found that the most human and natural transitions are in trying (despite your own pain) to see the other side. For me, it's jump-started processes like acceptance, forgiveness, love and care for that person despite the relationship ending and making peace that it's no longer an active relationship or an existing relationship but that love and care for someone continues on until it fades naturally on its own.

    I'd focus less on why he texted you, more on acceptance of the end.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Fantastic. It seems you bring out the best in yourself while he brought out the worst...food for thought.
    Originally Posted by LSL
    I have been doing so well too, I am back at the gym 2 stone down in weight and feeling stronger but I feel this has set me back a bit.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Fantastic. It seems you bring out the best in yourself while he brought out the worst...food for thought.
    Aww thank you Wiseman, I found Christmas day difficult but that is to be expected. But what do you honestly think about him getting in touch? Because before he text I seen him last week in the canteen in work and I just said hi and kept walking I didnt stop to talk

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd dissect it less. Let the 'why' go. He just is and he was concerned about you or wanted to touch base. If you go on wondering about every reason for the way people behave, I think you would drive yourself up the wall - especially concerning this individual (your ex).

    Let go of that type of control - needing to know 'why'.

    Break ups can be hard on both people. If you've never had an amicable or loving bond after a break up or have been able to communicate with an ex through the process, I can see why you might not understand what he's going through. I learned a lot listening to the other side and absorbing what was being said instead of arguing the who, what, why because it was hurting me personally. You can do that too and learn to compartmentalize your pain and listen to him as an individual or see his actions for what they are. He's going through his own turmoil.

    You're not obligated to hear that at all either. You should be the gauge of what's appropriate to you at any given moment. I have found that the most human and natural transitions are in trying (despite your own pain) to see the other side. For me, it's jump-started processes like acceptance, forgiveness, love and care for that person despite the relationship ending and making peace that it's no longer an active relationship or an existing relationship but that love and care for someone continues on until it fades naturally on its own.

    I'd focus less on why he texted you, more on acceptance of the end.
    Yeah I see where you are coming from, I just did not expect it that's all, as I have been getting on in life and I dont think he expected me to just try get on with life, I think he did think I would beg him to go back with me and I havent, and he was also asking his friends if they knew how I was, but I dont think it's very fair to say to me hes struggling and that he needs to get help because we have broken up because now I'll be worrying about him

  9. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LSL
    Aww thank you Wiseman, I found Christmas day difficult but that is to be expected. But what do you honestly think about him getting in touch? Because before he text I seen him last week in the canteen in work and I just said hi and kept walking I didnt stop to talk
    Same as what has been said several times previously. He had a weak moment and selfishly wanted you to make it better.

    If you still aren't sure, then it's time you ask him directly what his reaching out means and put an end to him picking at a scab that is trying to heal.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Same as what has been said several times previously. He had a weak moment and selfishly wanted you to make it better.

    If you still aren't sure, then it's time you ask him directly what his reaching out means and put an end to him picking at a scab that is trying to heal.
    Yeah because he then started becoming dry towards me and I was thinking hes just messaging to find out what I've been up to, because alot have people have said I'm looking really well with my weight loss etc, but I feel if I text him he might then start to think why is she messaging me when he ended it with me if that makes sense?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LSL
    Yeah because he then started becoming dry towards me and I was thinking hes just messaging to find out what I've been up to, because alot have people have said I'm looking really well with my weight loss etc, but I feel if I text him he might then start to think why is she messaging me when he ended it with me if that makes sense?
    yes, it makes sense.
    stop responding to him.

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