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Thread: Ex contacted me

  1. #91
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    How did you bump into him? Do you attend the same school or work at a the same place? Whats does he mean "he noticed"? Hopefully you have blocked and deleted him and all his people from all your social media. It sounds like chitchat small talk.
    We work In the same building, I'm not sure how he found it but it annoyed me a bit that he said it because he made a point of saying he hasnt been doing anything at the weekends so do you think its been a dig at me?

  2. #92
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Well he's always been manipulative so the poor sad puppy act is just part of this type of self pity to elicit a raise out of you that worked for so many years before. As your therapist astutely points out, don't bite and fall into the same old trap. Smile, be professional, curb chitchat and most of all, block him and all his people from all your social media.
    Originally Posted by LSL
    he made a point of saying he hasnt been doing anything at the weekends

  3. #93
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Well he's always been manipulative so the poor sad puppy act is just part of this type of self pity to elicit a raise out of you that worked for so many years before. As your therapist astutely points out, don't bite and fall into the same old trap. Smile, be professional, curb chitchat and most of all, block him and all his people from all your social media.
    Yeah your right I felt as if he was trying to make me feel bad for trying to get on with life and for him to say that's not the real me and doesnt help me hurt my feelings

  4. #94
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Honestly? I would thank him, in the confines of your head, for reminding you, yet again, that he is a manipulative bozo who is no longer worth your time or energy.

    Once upon a time, when your identity was all caught up in what he thought of you, this sort of charade worked. That time has passed, is passing. You know the "real you" far better than he does, and that should always be the case, with anyone in your life. Your relationship may have been built around you forgetting that hard fact—around "losing yourself," as your friend put it—but don't let the breakup be built around it.

    This man has never known more than a sliver of the real you. So thank him for reminding you of that, and keep doing you, for real.

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  6. #95
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Honestly? I would thank him, in the confines of your head, for reminding you, yet again, that he is a manipulative bozo who is no longer worth your time or energy.

    Once upon a time, when your identity was all caught up in what he thought of you, this sort of charade worked. That time has passed, is passing. You know the "real you" far better than he does, and that should always be the case, with anyone in your life. Your relationship may have been built around you forgetting that hard fact—around "losing yourself," as your friend put it—but don't let the breakup be built around it.

    This man has never known more than a sliver of the real you. So thank him for reminding you of that, and keep doing you, for real.
    Thankyou that means alot, he genuinely made me feel as if I was doing something wrong with doing things and socializing, I felt like saying you told me you would rather be out doing other things than spend time with me. And there is actually people that want to spend time with me which has been nice, do you think it is because he expected me to crumble and sit in and cry over him and I havent done that?

  7. #96
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I really, really don't think it does you any favors to try to understand why he said what he said, or what he expected. In a word? It's just ego.

    Is it not kind of dawning on you that this guy kind of just sucks, or at least can't offer you anything but suckiness? Can you let this be an affirmation of that rather than a verdict on you or something you need to defend? Another reminder that the fabric of your connection was, well, much thinner and much less healthy than you knew when you were in it?

    Imagine that, instead of this encounter with him, you were writing about going grocery shopping and being treated rudely by the person at the cashier. "You're buying that broccoli, and those eggs," they huffed. Odds are you would shrug it off, knowing you were going to go home and make a delicious broccoli omelet while the cashier huffed and puffed to the next customer.

  8. #97
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I really, really don't think it does you any favors to try to understand why he said what he said, or what he expected. In a word? It's just ego.

    Is it not kind of dawning on you that this guy kind of just sucks, or at least can't offer you anything but suckiness? Can you let this be an affirmation of that rather than a verdict on you or something you need to defend? Another reminder that the fabric of your connection was, well, much thinner and much less healthy than you knew when you were in it?

    Imagine that, instead of this encounter with him, you were writing about going grocery shopping and being treated rudely by the person at the cashier. "You're buying that broccoli, and those eggs," they huffed. Odds are you would shrug it off, knowing you were going to go home and make a delicious broccoli omelet while the cashier huffed and puffed to the next customer.
    Yes your right I shouldnt be worrying what he thinks because he is nothing to do with me anymore and I think he doesnt like the fact that I am out doing things and socialising as he made a point of saying to me he stays in every weekend? Like why tell me that?

  9. #98
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    At some point—and this moment can't quite be forced, but will just come about—you'll see all this as emotional exhaust fumes. His, yours, the relationship's. What I do hope is becoming apparent to you, as it seems clear as day to many of us here in the bleacher seats, is that you are far better off with this guy out of your life than with him in it. This little moment should really only further confirm that.

  10. #99
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    At some point—and this moment can't quite be forced, but will just come about—you'll see all this as emotional exhaust fumes. His, yours, the relationship's. What I do hope is becoming apparent to you, as it seems clear as day to many of us here in the bleacher seats, is that you are far better off with this guy out of your life than with him in it. This little moment should really only further confirm that.
    Yes definitely sorry to go on about it I just felt as if I was being made to feel bad about being out and about, and I wasnt sure if he was being patronising towards me?

  11. #100
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    I've not posted on here in such a long time as I have been doing really well but past few days I have been feeling down about the breakup and it has been 5 months now is it normal to feel like this sometimes?

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