Onlyonexx Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Before anything, I just want to make it clear that I am a 25 year old female in a lesbian relationship with a 27 year old woman. We've been dating for 2 years. She's been my longest relationship and we are talking about marriage next year but I am honestly so frustrated. She's the most weird person I've ever met when it comes to sex. She doesn't like being kissed on the neck.. Kissing her on the lips passionately does nothing to her... It's so weird. Nothing does anything to her. She has an extremely low sex drive. She always orgasms and so do I but that is because I think about something different. There is like legit zero foreplay and when there's any foreplay... it's so boring.. she puts no enthusiasm into it. I've told her so many times that she is bad in bed and that she puts no effort into the sex and I am so tired of it. It's always the same lame position. We have sex around once a week or even less. I'm honestly not interested in the sex anymore. I'm told her so many times I'm just done with having sex with her. She doesn't excite me sexually. She always tells me she is going to change and she will try to do better... and then she kisses me with no emotion and she's like "See I'm kissing you, I'm sexual" which only adds to my frustration because she doesn't know how to feel aroused! She had never had an orgasm until me. I love this woman but I don't know what to do. She's the most relaxed, patient and understanding person but she's so lazy when it comes to sex and when I say nothing arouses her... I mean nothing, yet she still tells me she likes sex. I don't understand. I know this may sound selfish but I almost want to tell her that I want to have sex with other women. I am far more sexual than her and masturbating on a daily basis/ every other day isn't doing much for me anymore. I need variety and excitement..and she's killing it. I don't know what to do ???? Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 There seems to be a compatibility issue. It doesn't seem that the relationship can prosper long term with this simmering away. Link to comment
SGH Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 You have three options. Break up with her and find someone who excites you sexually, continue on as you've been doing and remain indefinitely unsatisfied, or broach the subject of you having other sexual partners. It sounds like she isn't being honest with you about why the sexual dysfunction exists. Don't let anyone tell you this is not a real issue, because down the line in marriage it will become an even bigger problem. It will not simply resolve itself. If I were you, I'd get out and find a partner that met my emotional AND sexual needs. Link to comment
RayRay63 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 or broach the subject of you having other sexual partners. Interesting idea - allowing the OP to have "play nights". Unfortunately the OP might just meet someone more fully compatible. I don't imagine that is going to turn out well for her partner. Link to comment
Billie28 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 She is not a lesbian imo. She is asexual by the sounds of it. She is attracted non sexually to people and by the sounds of it it’s easier for her to be a “lesbian” It’s irrelevant though! Your needs are not being met despite dating them. So end it. ? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 You're not compatible. However telling her repeatedly "she's bad in bed" will certainly kill things even more. You need a new situation. Stop beating her up about this. She's the most weird person I've ever met when it comes to sex. She has an extremely low sex drive. it's so boring.. she puts no enthusiasm into it. I've told her so many times that she is bad in bed I'm honestly not interested in the sex anymore. I'm told her so many times I'm just done with having sex with her. She doesn't excite me sexually. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 She sounds asexual. No point in emotionally beating people up for their sexuality just break up and find what you need. Link to comment
Bagrich Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 If you love her, you will never leave her. “I tell a guy three times [how to make me orgasm]. After that, I just fake it and tell him he’s awesome.” - Penny on “The Big Bang Theory”. Don’t be like Penny. When you think something you are the master of your words; when you say them, your words become the master of YOU. Don’t let them, unless they are words of encouragement, praise and gratitude. Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 If you love her, you will never leave her. “ I don't agree with this at all. You can love someone and leave them. Your priority is you. The bigger problem, in my opinion is you. How can you repeatedly tell someone they are bad in bed? And someone you claim to love? Maybe you are bad and she is responding to you. If someone that supposedly loved me told me that, I'd be pretty hurt. And that also is not the way to foster change/improvement. In a relationship it's more than sex, it should be love making... which is something you share responsibility in.... If you are not into, get out. U also are probably a troll so yiu might just be having fun thinking you are shocking us but you're not. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 How are you able to orgasm if the sex is so bad? That makes no sense. You need to be better with your fiction. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 If you love her, you will never leave her. “I tell a guy three times [how to make me orgasm]. After that, I just fake it and tell him he’s awesome.” - Penny on “The Big Bang Theory”. Don’t be like Penny. When you think something you are the master of your words; when you say them, your words become the master of YOU. Don’t let them, unless they are words of encouragement, praise and gratitude. I don't agree with any of your advice! Link to comment
Rose Mosse Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Before anything, I just want to make it clear that I am a 25 year old female in a lesbian relationship with a 27 year old woman. We've been dating for 2 years. She's been my longest relationship and we are talking about marriage next year but I am honestly so frustrated. She's the most weird person I've ever met when it comes to sex. She doesn't like being kissed on the neck.. Kissing her on the lips passionately does nothing to her... It's so weird. Nothing does anything to her. She has an extremely low sex drive. She always orgasms and so do I but that is because I think about something different. There is like legit zero foreplay and when there's any foreplay... it's so boring.. she puts no enthusiasm into it. I've told her so many times that she is bad in bed and that she puts no effort into the sex and I am so tired of it. It's always the same lame position. We have sex around once a week or even less. I'm honestly not interested in the sex anymore. I'm told her so many times I'm just done with having sex with her. She doesn't excite me sexually. She always tells me she is going to change and she will try to do better... and then she kisses me with no emotion and she's like "See I'm kissing you, I'm sexual" which only adds to my frustration because she doesn't know how to feel aroused! She had never had an orgasm until me. I love this woman but I don't know what to do. She's the most relaxed, patient and understanding person but she's so lazy when it comes to sex and when I say nothing arouses her... I mean nothing, yet she still tells me she likes sex. I don't understand. I know this may sound selfish but I almost want to tell her that I want to have sex with other women. I am far more sexual than her and masturbating on a daily basis/ every other day isn't doing much for me anymore. I need variety and excitement..and she's killing it. I don't know what to do ???? I can't see how anyone would be in the mood with those accusations flying around. I'm sorry to say that. I feel so demoralized for her and I'm not even in the same room. Talk about performance anxiety. If you're both very much in love and want to make it work, see a sex therapist together as a couple and learn to get that mood back between the both of you without creating hostile, demoralizing and negative spaces. If you both jumped too fast dating and committing to each other, there may be other areas of your relationship missing - you're not connecting properly with each other. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 Onlyonexx... I think you should take a look in the mirror and maybe take some responsibility for her being so "bad in bed." If you can't teach her to be the passionate vixen you want her to be, then that's on you. Time to leave her because you are not doing it for her. Give her the opportunity to find someone who can get her engrossed in what is being done to her so she can naturally reciprocate the passion. Link to comment
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 I don't think this has anything to do with lack of instruction, or lack of knowledge. It's something else. She may have been molested as a child and never told anyone. She may have psychological issues about sex, or it can be a medical issue combined or it's just her personality like someone mentioned, she's asexual, or it's simply a compatibility issue. OP you need to get it straightened out in counseling if you so desire to figure this out. There you can either find out why, find a solution, or help you to say this ain't working out and move on. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted December 27, 2019 Share Posted December 27, 2019 ... and I don't think its any of those things, but of course, it could be but that's a lot of conjecture regarding abuse and all the rest of it when there is nothing in the opening post to suggest such a thing. Op says she's orgasms... I doubt that and I'll conjecture that she fakes it just to shut the Op up and to stop her from making her feel so bad about herself. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 Do you really want to live the rest of your life like this? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 Stop being an abusive bully.I love this woman but I don't know what to do. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 28, 2019 Share Posted December 28, 2019 I don't think this has anything to do with lack of instruction, or lack of knowledge. It's something else. She may have been molested as a child and never told anyone. She may have psychological issues about sex, or it can be a medical issue combined or it's just her personality like someone mentioned, she's asexual, or it's simply a compatibility issue. OP you need to get it straightened out in counseling if you so desire to figure this out. There you can either find out why, find a solution, or help you to say this ain't working out and move on. Or maybe she is bi but desires men more and there is no real good way to say it to her girlfriend. Either that or she is not wildly attracted to her. She is not asexual. An asexual person wouldn't want sex at all. Link to comment
Honeycomb8 Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 You don't tell someone they're bad in bed. , have some common sense. How do you expect she would want sex with you and have confidence if you keep beating her up about it? Jeez stop this or break up. Link to comment
Stdavid Posted January 1, 2020 Share Posted January 1, 2020 Does the relationship work apart from the sex? Does your partner care that the sex is bad? I kind of think that in a relationship we try to make our partners happy even if that doesn't come naturally. If she's not making the attempt to work out what makes you happy I would question her commitment to you. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 You don't tell someone they're bad in bed. , have some common sense. How do you expect she would want sex with you and have confidence if you keep beating her up about it? Jeez stop this or break up. agree. break the engagement. If you are already thinking in your mind of straying, which you are.. Link to comment
Stdavid Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 No, hang on - if she was a crappy cook, wouldn't you mention it? Give them a cookbook or a gift token for a course? Because you would assume they want to get better at that to please you. Why should sex be any different? Have the conversation. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 No, hang on - if she was a crappy cook, wouldn't you mention it? Give them a cookbook or a gift token for a course? Because you would assume they want to get better at that to please you. Why should sex be any different? Have the conversation. Sorry, no, because she is already berating her about it. Link to comment
Stdavid Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 Well yes, I agree with that. If you' end had the conversation and nothing's changed, then you don't keep on about it. You accept it or you go. Link to comment
ninjabib Posted January 2, 2020 Share Posted January 2, 2020 If you are sexually incompatible it's not going to work long term. You don't be nasty about it. You try and find (somehow) a tactful way to discuss it but is say we are past that here. I don't see how it's going to last. Link to comment
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