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Thread: My girlfriend is so bad in bed but she's the best I've ever had. So confused...

  1. #1

    My girlfriend is so bad in bed but she's the best I've ever had. So confused...

    Before anything, I just want to make it clear that I am a 25 year old female in a lesbian relationship with a 27 year old woman. We've been dating for 2 years. She's been my longest relationship and we are talking about marriage next year but I am honestly so frustrated. She's the most weird person I've ever met when it comes to sex. She doesn't like being kissed on the neck.. Kissing her on the lips passionately does nothing to her... It's so weird. Nothing does anything to her. She has an extremely low sex drive. She always orgasms and so do I but that is because I think about something different. There is like legit zero foreplay and when there's any foreplay... it's so boring.. she puts no enthusiasm into it.

    I've told her so many times that she is bad in bed and that she puts no effort into the sex and I am so tired of it. It's always the same lame position. We have sex around once a week or even less. I'm honestly not interested in the sex anymore. I'm told her so many times I'm just done with having sex with her. She doesn't excite me sexually. She always tells me she is going to change and she will try to do better... and then she kisses me with no emotion and she's like "See I'm kissing you, I'm sexual" which only adds to my frustration because she doesn't know how to feel aroused! She had never had an orgasm until me.

    I love this woman but I don't know what to do. She's the most relaxed, patient and understanding person but she's so lazy when it comes to sex and when I say nothing arouses her... I mean nothing, yet she still tells me she likes sex. I don't understand. I know this may sound selfish but I almost want to tell her that I want to have sex with other women. I am far more sexual than her and masturbating on a daily basis/ every other day isn't doing much for me anymore. I need variety and excitement..and she's killing it. I don't know what to do ????

  2. #2
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    There seems to be a compatibility issue.

    It doesn't seem that the relationship can prosper long term with this simmering away.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    You have three options. Break up with her and find someone who excites you sexually, continue on as you've been doing and remain indefinitely unsatisfied, or broach the subject of you having other sexual partners. It sounds like she isn't being honest with you about why the sexual dysfunction exists. Don't let anyone tell you this is not a real issue, because down the line in marriage it will become an even bigger problem. It will not simply resolve itself. If I were you, I'd get out and find a partner that met my emotional AND sexual needs.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by SGH
    or broach the subject of you having other sexual partners.
    Interesting idea - allowing the OP to have "play nights".

    Unfortunately the OP might just meet someone more fully compatible.

    I don't imagine that is going to turn out well for her partner.

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  6. #5
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    She is not a lesbian imo. She is asexual by the sounds of it. She is attracted non sexually to people and by the sounds of it it’s easier for her to be a “lesbian”
    It’s irrelevant though!
    Your needs are not being met despite dating them. So end it. ?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You're not compatible. However telling her repeatedly "she's bad in bed" will certainly kill things even more. You need a new situation. Stop beating her up about this.
    Originally Posted by Onlyonexx
    She's the most weird person I've ever met when it comes to sex.
    She has an extremely low sex drive.
    it's so boring.. she puts no enthusiasm into it.
    I've told her so many times that she is bad in bed
    I'm honestly not interested in the sex anymore.
    I'm told her so many times I'm just done with having sex with her.
    She doesn't excite me sexually.

  8. #7
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    She sounds asexual. No point in emotionally beating people up for their sexuality just break up and find what you need.

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    If you love her, you will never leave her. “I tell a guy three times [how to make me orgasm]. After that, I just fake it and tell him he’s awesome.” - Penny on “The Big Bang Theory”. Don’t be like Penny. When you think something you are the master of your words; when you say them, your words become the master of YOU. Don’t let them, unless they are words of encouragement, praise and gratitude.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Bagrich
    If you love her, you will never leave her. “
    I don't agree with this at all. You can love someone and leave them. Your priority is you.

    The bigger problem, in my opinion is you. How can you repeatedly tell someone they are bad in bed? And someone you claim to love? Maybe you are bad and she is responding to you.

    If someone that supposedly loved me told me that, I'd be pretty hurt. And that also is not the way to foster change/improvement.

    In a relationship it's more than sex, it should be love making... which is something you share responsibility in.... If you are not into, get out.

    U also are probably a troll so yiu might just be having fun thinking you are shocking us but you're not.

  11. #10
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    How are you able to orgasm if the sex is so bad? That makes no sense. You need to be better with your fiction.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 12-27-2019 at 11:26 AM.

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