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Thread: Jealous

  1. #1
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    Jealous

    Broke up with my first boyfriend years ago, it affected me a lot because he has a "type" and I can't help but compare myself to the new women he may be dating. We remained friends (no longer) for a while and I recall this conversation that I go over and over in my head;

    Him: She never texts me but I'm just trying to respect her space

    Me: She must be damn hot or something for you to still try and work things out despite her ignoring you for weeks like that

    Him: She IS hot......

    I am definitely still in love with him and these thought I'm afraid are becoming crippling to my self esteem. Should I try and make arrangements to speak to a conselor about this? Has Anyone else experienced this?

  2. #2
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    Yes you should.

    It sounds like you got into the deep black-hole of friendzone, talking to him about the new girl he was dating.

    This simply stops you processing and moving on.

    If you are in no contact, and blocked all his social media, etc, it takes time for you move along.

    Some therapy is not a bad idea, but it will take as long as it takes.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    Broke up with my first boyfriend years ago, it affected me a lot because he has a "type" and I can't help but compare myself to the new women he may be dating. We remained friends (no longer) for a while and I recall this conversation that I go over and over in my head;

    Him: She never texts me but I'm just trying to respect her space

    Me: She must be damn hot or something for you to still try and work things out despite her ignoring you for weeks like that

    Him: She IS hot......

    I am definitely still in love with him and these thought I'm afraid are becoming crippling to my self esteem. Should I try and make arrangements to speak to a conselor about this? Has Anyone else experienced this?
    Years ago??? Like 1.1 years ago or 10 years ago?
    Context please?

    The antiquated text you remember is him just playing a girl but you equating it to him only being interested in her because of physical attributes??? And ONLY that??

    IF he is that shallow that he only dates girls who are hot , then you clearly were someone he thought was hot , right?

    You are still in love with a guy you donít even like 1.1 - 10 years later??? Well thatís BS!!

    Stop living in the past and stop paying attention to nonsense messages from exes. Itís all irrelevant!!!

  4. #4
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    How long ago did you date? Why did you break up?

    It does sound like you could benefit from speaking to someone professionally if this is still affecting your self-esteem to this degree.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What may help is a checkup from a doctor for evaluation and to get to a therapist to address whatever negative thoughts, feelings and ruminations you are having. It's better than starting a smear campaign against your exbf.

    You need to get off everyone's social media and living vicariously through gfs of exes. Seething and fuming that you are so stuck and lonely.
    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    Broke up with my first boyfriend years ago, and I can't help but compare myself to the new women he may be dating.

    Hopefully you did not do this to him or any other exbfs. This is indicative of some issues only a professional can resolve with you:
    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    I recently got out of an emotionally abusive relationship and was moving on nicely until a month later a saw that my ex was in a relationship on facebook. I suddenly felt obligated to warn her. He blocked me on facebook shortly after (probably to keep me quiet) I feel that I should message his girlfriend and warn her of the abuse I experienced and to look for signs.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Either you want to believe in your own unique value, or you don't. If you don't, then sure, seek counseling or continue to operate 'around' that until you learn what it buys you. If you DO want to believe in your own value, then start by treating yourself as valuable enough to deserve ONLY someone who can share your vision of your value.

    That does narrow your dating pool very quickly. You'll start to screen out bad matches, which will be the majority of people. This is true for all of us, because most people are NOT our match. That's not negative or cynical, it's natural odds. It's the reason for seeking ONE person, not trying to appeal to the masses.

    Mass appeal is for selling products, not for finding simpatico with one person who owns the capacity to view you through the right lens. So skip people who don't own that vision, and you will liberate yourself from forming crushes that won't go anywhere. Value your SELF, and allow wrong matches to drop away while you continue to seek the right person for you.

    Love is rare. It's supposed to be rare, or what would be so special about it? While we can't change who we love, we can recognize that some people are best loved from far away, and we are in full control over how much time and energy we want to waste on anyone who doesn't love us back.

    Head high.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What may help is a checkup from a doctor for evaluation and to get to a therapist to address whatever negative thoughts, feelings and ruminations you are having. It's better than starting a smear campaign against your exbf.

    You need to get off everyone's social media and living vicariously through gfs of exes. Seething and fuming that you are so stuck and lonely.


    Hopefully you did not do this to him or any other exbfs. This is indicative of some issues only a professional can resolve with you:
    These two situations are different because one involved jealousy and the other did not. I simply felt obligated to protect her, not envy her.

  9. #8
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    That's not the point. The point is that I am comparing myself to these girlfriends of his in every way. In my mind they are better than me in every way simply bc they are not me. In intelligence, looks, morals, etc.

  10. #9
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    also, I am not trying to paint a bad pic of him. He was my best friend for a long time and I think highly of him because he's good person. I am trying to approach this neutrally, not attack anyone.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ArielPalermo
    also, I am not trying to paint a bad pic of him. He was my best friend for a long time and I think highly of him because he's good person. I am trying to approach this neutrally, not attack anyone.
    He's a good person? Or he's emotionally abusive? Which is it?

    And yes, if you still believe yourself in love with an emotionally abusive man therapy is called for.

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