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Money and issues with grandma


JDAnthony

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It's me again from the thread about my grandma asking my husband and I to leave. (A few threads down)

 

So update. Got an apartment for 900 a month plus electric, supposed to move in by the 1st. So that's good. Concerned about how were going to pay for this place and have any left over so we've also been on a job hunt. I have an interview as a remote ghostwriter on the 31. So that's going in the right direction too.

 

But...I was going to completely skip buying Christmas presents since we've been having to save as much money as possible, so I decided to make treats instead. I called my grandma on the 23rd to ask her what her and my dad might want. She scolded me for waiting so long to decide on this and that "Christmas comes every year. You have had all year to save money."

 

So we haven't talked for a few days.

 

Meanwhile, we've realized our cat is chronically sick with gastro-intenstinal problems and we've had to take him to the vet 3 times, which has costed us almost 900 in the last two months, so that has put us back financially.

 

We've also been preparing to pay this new landlord soon, so that's going to be first month's rent, security deposit, and deposit for electric company.

 

Then today, she realized we hadn't payed her the last half of rent for December. She sends me a text.

 

Her: Who is supposed to pay the last half of rent? It has not been received. It is way late.

 

Me: Since it wasn't a plan to move at this time, I'm sure you'll understand that we need to save for first month's rent and in addition, deposits for the new place.

 

Her: And just who is going to pay the utilities when the bills come? You stay, you pay. When you pay rent, you pay for the whole month. I am really sorry that you want to shaft your grandmom. When you are here, you are obligated to pay. I am not your fairy godmother. You two make more than I do. I have been very good to you both. It's not fair that you both take advantage of our relationship.

 

Me: It's not that I "want to shaft you." We just don't have the extra money right now with everything else going on and with having to pay deposits in addition to rent to the new place. We have to do what we have to do if you want us out of here. I'm asking for you to understand.

 

Her: You two have been crying broke for three years. You are always telling me you have no money. You owe the last half of the rent, period. You have known for three years that this day was coming. no excuses! You owe. Period.

 

Me: I understand. You'll get it when it is available.

 

Her: And what day will that be? You have 7 days late. I should charge you 5 percent. But I won't. I don't like being taken advantage of.

 

And to that I didn't respond. I'm sorry that we have to pay a portion of the rent late. NEVER been late on it before the entire time we've been here. She even wrote us a letter of recommendation saying that in writing. I promised her I'd have it for her when I have the money, and I mean it of course, but she feels that we're deliberately taking advantage of her. I just don't know what else to tell her.

 

I'd give it to her right now if I didn't think that it might mean the difference between whether or not we have enough to get into this new place.

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So from your other thread, that is $300?

 

I don't understand this comment from her:

 

You two make more than I do

 

It sounds to me like she is trying to control you, even now, by being difficult about money.

 

It is all she has left now that you are on your way out.

 

What I suggest, if it is practicable, is you and husband grab a couple of shifts of second job casual work somewhere, anywhere, even if its minimum wage, over the next few days and use the money to pay down a small loan, that will get grandma off your back.

 

From your other thread:

 

Yesterday, my husband got approved for a 10k loan in case we had to just get out of dodge. I really don't want to go that much into debt but we've been backed into a corner here.
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If you had been renting off of any other landlord and left owing rent, they would be on your back about it too and they wouldn't entertain excuses about needing to keep hold of money to pay for the new place. If your grandma was relying on your rent to pay bills then I can understand why she feels annoyed and taken advantage of. Can your husband approach his family to borrow the money needed to pay what you owe your grandma? If not, then ask her over what period would be acceptable to her for you to pay the debt and negotiate from there.

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You absolutely ARE taking advantage of her!!!

 

She is right. You can plan for Christmas and you can plan for a rainy day. As in , you put money aside (esp as you are paying cheaper rent for things like vet bills etc.)

 

You do owe her rent money and no you do NOT have the right to negotiate.

Try that with your upcoming real estate agent !??

 

Sort out your finances , stop expecting others to be lenient because you haven’t foreplanned and don’t be so insulting to family that have allowed you to live in an area you can’t afford.

 

Pay your due debts.

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To be honest, you shouldn't have been irresponsible and paid 900 dollars for your cat. That money should have gone to your grandma or the bills you needed to move.

 

I understand how pets are family etc, but this is a roof over your head and you didn't have the money to pay for a vet.

 

At the end of the day, this was your grandmas money and you should have paid her fairly.

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Sorry to hear this. You should never have lived with them. Move out, pay up, stop making excuses, get real full time jobs and get rid of some luxuries. Stop taking advantage.

 

Stop giving her sob stories about your credit cards, pets, and deciding that being scrooge was an apt punishment for her.. Live within your means and if that means a tiny apartment with no pets then so it is...or move back to where you both lived before.

 

Your lives are not your grandmother's responsibility. Once you get rid of the entitled mentality your lives will be easier because you will live within your means.

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Ghostwriting, unless you are such a high professional level that celebrities are knocking on your door to ghostwrite their autobiography, that is called a side job that you do after your regular job until you are at the level that you are in demand and its lucrative. Or get tear sheets together and apply when they are looking for writers at your local paper to cover high school sports events or something to get in the writing door. And get another job on top of it because it doesn't pay much. If two people can't afford $900 a month together, you need to get other training to get better jobs or you need to watch your money better. After paying grandma, stop using the credit card except for absolute emergencies.

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Grandma has been paid and I have apologized for hurting her. Thanks everyone for your responses.

 

With regards to work, I'm applying for part time and full time within my field of skills, which is content writing and my niche specialty is dating and relationship dynamics, but I also write about other lifestyle topics as well. As I've talked about before, I'm building an online audience through articles and blog posts. For quite a while, I was only doing this as a hobby but I've since realized this is the only thing I really want to do. I think if I put enough effort and consistency into what I'm already doing, I can have an audience to sell products and services that I create directly to through my website. So I am dedicating at LEAST 20 hours a week to this, if not more if I have the time. I got up at 5am today and knocked out an article, before I went to my retail job. Then I come home and check job offers, both local and remote on Indeed, Linkedin, and Glassdoor and apply to jobs I find interesting there. This is going to be my routine until something happens. All I know is that I don't have what it takes to work in retail anymore. The job I have now wasn't the job I had when I first came to this place. I was stocking during non business hours and I loved it because I didn't have to interact with Karen and Doris about coupons. But the stocking overnight shift was done away with by corporate and they offered me a position on the salesfloor during the day and I've hated it ever since. But I've been sticking it out until I find something better. Don't get me wrong. I respect those who have in them to do this job effectively without anxiety, but that's just not me. We all have our place in life.

 

To the last person who asked about moving back to where we were, we've thought about it. Neither one of us like it there aside from the little bit of family we have left there. That and there are no good jobs there for my husband who is limited to where he can work due to some medical issues. Rent was cheap but so are the employers.

 

Wow didn't mean for this to turn into a whole story.

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which is content writing and my niche specialty is dating and relationship dynamics

 

Have you been educated in any kind of counselling, psych classes, social work, or anything along those lines? Or are you just "winging it"? You have a nice idea, though if you want to expand, most people will want someone who is educated in this area and not just guessing from experience.

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Grandma has been paid and I have apologized for hurting her. Thanks everyone for your responses.

 

With regards to work, I'm applying for part time and full time within my field of skills, which is content writing and my niche specialty is dating and relationship dynamics, but I also write about other lifestyle topics as well. As I've talked about before, I'm building an online audience through articles and blog posts. For quite a while, I was only doing this as a hobby but I've since realized this is the only thing I really want to do. I think if I put enough effort and consistency into what I'm already doing, I can have an audience to sell products and services that I create directly to through my website. So I am dedicating at LEAST 20 hours a week to this, if not more if I have the time. I got up at 5am today and knocked out an article, before I went to my retail job. Then I come home and check job offers, both local and remote on Indeed, Linkedin, and Glassdoor and apply to jobs I find interesting there. This is going to be my routine until something happens. All I know is that I don't have what it takes to work in retail anymore. The job I have now wasn't the job I had when I first came to this place. I was stocking during non business hours and I loved it because I didn't have to interact with Karen and Doris about coupons. But the stocking overnight shift was done away with by corporate and they offered me a position on the salesfloor during the day and I've hated it ever since. But I've been sticking it out until I find something better. Don't get me wrong. I respect those who have in them to do this job effectively without anxiety, but that's just not me. We all have our place in life.

 

To the last person who asked about moving back to where we were, we've thought about it. Neither one of us like it there aside from the little bit of family we have left there. That and there are no good jobs there for my husband who is limited to where he can work due to some medical issues. Rent was cheap but so are the employers.

 

Wow didn't mean for this to turn into a whole story.

 

I found one of my favorite jobs when I went to the unemployment/job corps/career center office several times a week. It was posted on the board. I called and was interviewed the next day. It might be a good place to go so someone can look at your resume - there was an interviewing and resume class. Most jobs are snagged because of knowing someone, not from applying on Glassdoor. LinkedIn can work if your profile is strong and again, those connections help.

 

With writing, you need a tear sheet. They want people who are experts in the field they write about, not simply good writers. For example, they want a PA or Doctor who can also write in an engaging manner to write medical articles, or a full time farmer to write about agricultural topics, not just someone who looks stuff up online. Do you have any counseling experience to back up your relationship articles? I am not trying to be discouraging, but you may want to get some credentials.

 

If you really want to focus on your articles, then get a job that you don't have to "bring home with you" like data entry or shelf stocker and write on your days off until you have a good income in it enough to quit.

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I have enrolled in some through Coursera, although I don't yet have any formal degrees or certifications, but I'm looking into that.

 

Most of my writing is based on experience, observation, and pulling from studies/statistical data.

 

There are ways to position yourself as an authority in your field and build clientele without having a fancy University degree, (one called the "Know, Like, and Trust factor") but I intent on furthering my knowledge and education through whatever means I have.

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Yes, get some classes and credentials, because if you truly do want to be taken seriously and hopefully make some kind of career out of it, you will need credentials.

 

Everyone has experience, and everyone has an opinion, it doesn't mean people will pay to hear it.

 

Blogs are one thing...it's free to read, but add in money to the mix and people will want someone who has been formally educated.

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Are you and your husband able to pay the monthly rent and utilities, internet access, plus food, fuel costs, etc. on what you're currently earning?

 

Yes at this new place place we should be able to cover the necessities as far as rent and utilities but should anything come up, like a car repair needed (and stuff like this often does) that's what I'm worried about, along with actually paying off credit card and loan debt.

 

Emergencies is how we got into debt here: First, we had to travel back home for his moms funeral. On the way there, our engine blew and we had to get the car towed, replace the whole engine, and use a rental car for a month until his car was fixed. Plus my husband had to help pay for the actual funeral.

 

Then he went to the ER twice last year with no insurance.

 

Then my sister gave me her car to use but it needed a lot of repairs and replacements. That was only a couple thousand and my dad helped pay for some of that but about half that went on my credit card. There's no public transportation here so before I had the car, I was Ubering to and from work if I couldn't get someone else I knew for a lift for a good while but that costed me anywhere between $30- $80 a week, depending.

 

 

So now we have cut down on unnecessary costs. He had a gym membership he cancelled. I cancelled netflix and we both switched to a cheaper phone service plan. We'll probably eat cheap for a while too, no eating out.

 

Just hoping nothing else happens that puts us in deep.

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Yes, get some classes and credentials, because if you truly do want to be taken seriously and hopefully make some kind of career out of it, you will need credentials.

 

Everyone has experience, and everyone has an opinion, it doesn't mean people will pay to hear it.

 

Blogs are one thing...it's free to read, but add in money to the mix and people will want someone who has been formally educated.

 

I can understand that. Thank you.

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I don't know where you're at, but hopefully your debt doesn't add up to more than 30% of your income. And only making the minimum payments does nothing but pay the interest. Anything more than the minimum you can pay will help get those debts paid off quicker and you save on interest.

 

Getting rid of unnecessary extras is a great idea. And you can eat in for way less money than eating out so that's also a good plan.

 

Try to save as much as possible each month even if it's just a few dollars.

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I have enrolled in some through Coursera, although I don't yet have any formal degrees or certifications, but I'm looking into that.

 

Most of my writing is based on experience, observation, and pulling from studies/statistical data.

 

There are ways to position yourself as an authority in your field and build clientele without having a fancy University degree, (one called the "Know, Like, and Trust factor") but I intent on furthering my knowledge and education through whatever means I have.

 

its amazing how many "financial advisors" and "life coaches" can barely hold their own together.

The "know, trust" comes on TOP of professional credentials.

 

Well, "know, like, trust" do not help you if someone sues you if you are putting up your shingle as a "counselor" or "relationship advisor". You can learn deeply through research and become an expert in a certain area of history, or If you are writing articles about trends based on statistics, fine, but I have seen some very bad things happen when under qualified people take on "clients". people with severe issues sometimes seek out these kinds of "advisors" if they don't really want to deal with the issue, but want a pat on the back.

 

You can get a 2 year degree in social work, and that might be beneficial to you as a start.

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its amazing how many "financial advisors" and "life coaches" can barely hold their own together.

The "know, trust" comes on TOP of professional credentials.

 

Well, "know, like, trust" do not help you if someone sues you if you are putting up your shingle as a "counselor" or "relationship advisor". You can learn deeply through research and become an expert in a certain area of history, or If you are writing articles about trends based on statistics, fine, but I have seen some very bad things happen when under qualified people take on "clients". people with severe issues sometimes seek out these kinds of "advisors" if they don't really want to deal with the issue, but want a pat on the back.

 

You can get a 2 year degree in social work, and that might be beneficial to you as a start.

 

I could not agree more with this. And it's not a "fancy university degree" -it's a degree from an accredited source that tells people you did formal study of the subject matter and got the necessary licenses and certifications on top of that - please don't dismiss it as something elitist or just a piece of paper. I agree that no one will pay you $ for advice they can also get for free from a friend, a book, an article, various blogs/internet sources. But if you are a professional and licensed and have client reviews based on your services then you can start to build a clientele and business. Yes there are rare exceptions but given your financial situation I don't think right now is the time to bank on remote possibilities.

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You and your husbands approach to life sounds a bit in the moment and chaotic. You can't keep relying on family when you have preventable 'emergencies". Stop living hand to mouth and running to family to bail you out. No one should be financing your education at this point. Both you and your husband need real full-time paying jobs. Blogging is not a job no matter when you get up to do it. Do not spend even more money on tuition you can't afford.

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