Angry about dating life

At what point do you just accept you’ll probably be alone ?!

It bothers me every now and then , I have only had one real relationship which lasted most of college and then it was over .

Things are going well for me career wise and financially but my dating and romance life is nonexistent .

I try to stay in reasonable shape and watch what I eat . I just don’t know where I would even start to meet any girl .

I also no longer believe that any good looking woman is single and if she is , she probably has major baggage .

I guess what I am asking is what steps do I need to take to meet women , I find dating apps are pretty shallow , I’ll maybe get one match a month , if I am

Lucky

Maybe start with rethinking the statement - that attractive women have to have baggage?

Dating can be frustrating, no doubt.

The first step is being date-able and it sounds like you’re making those efforts. Making sure you have something to offer: you mentioned your career and your health/fitness so kudos for taking care of business there!

Do you ever flirt with women when you’re out and about running errands? I used to love to engage women at the grocery store. They aren’t all made up so you get to see how they normally look, and it’s easy to get close enough to strike up some convo in an aisle or in line without being weird.

Thanks for your response , not really , maybe once in a blue moon I’ll try and when I did try It did make me feel so empowered!

I just have watched a lot of YouTube videos where other guys have said it’s all pointless and a waste of time for various reasons , I have watched these videos for so long over the years it’s really hard to not believe it .

In my experience that’s been the case

Well luckily for you other guys are mostly idiots if you ever have a chance to listen to what WOMEN think and feel based on their experiences.

Who cares what men say if you’re trying to date women, feel me?

In relation to what @skeptic76 said...

Cold approaches rarely work, and it takes guts that frankly speaking, most guys (myself included) do not have.

To answer OP directly:

If you expand your social network, you will meet women organically. Make friends with women you enjoy hanging out with, not necessarily want to date, they always have female friends who you might click with.

For example, I moved to a new city thousands of miles from home this year. I didn't really know anybody here. I reconnected with a distant friend from university (a guy) and went on a day trip with him shortly after coming here. On that trip, I made a few local friends (one guy and two girls)... and though I wasn't interested romantically in either of those girls (plus I wasn't single at the time), I have met more people through them by being invited to various gatherings. I would avoid dating anyone at work, but colleagues could also set you up with their friends or acquaintances, whether intentionally or indirectly. Cast a wide net and you will always have options. (Not advocating "player" behaviour though.)

Thanks for the responses , I think trying to expand social circle with out explicitly seeking dating is a solid approach . I absolutely agree cold approaching isn’t good .

Totally agree about the avoid girls at work , tried that at a previous job , was way too awkward , learned my lesson .

I wouldn't balk at cold approaching entirely. I think there's a time and place for it, and with the right approach, and a friendly, receptive woman, it could (and can) work.

I've had men cold approach and have met some nice, funny guys as a result. The more natural, and laid back the approach, the better. I've had guys crack jokes at the grocery store where we would begin to chat and had some laughs, and at book stores and coffee shops, etc.

I'm just saying that if you see an opportunity to cold approach Viceroy, don't assume the worst. Be willing to take a chance and who knows what could happen.

Oh yeah, not sure why you are “angry” about your (lack of) dating life. In your OP you clearly state that you are only interested in good looking women. There is nothing wrong with that exactly, but then it gives you no right to feel entitled to have a good looking woman in your life.

Throughout human history, something like only 40% of men born have been able to father children. So there was a real risk that an “average man” will be unable to find a partner period, let alone a “good looking” one. We can thank the proliferation of monogamy in most modern societies for giving men a better chance of finding a mate and fathering children.

If you are only interested in the top 10% of women (not sure how strict your definition of “good looking” is), you got to be honest with yourself and ask if you are top 10% among men? If you have standards for dating women, surely women are entitled to have standards for dating men too?

i.e. nothing to be angry about.

For example, I recognize that I have fairly unrealistic expectations for the life partner I want to have. I am very much a "work-in-progress" man, so if my dream woman came along and was willing to support me and be my partner as I strive to be the best version of myself, then I will be over the moon and forever grateful to her. But if she is a top 10% woman, she could easily find somebody else who is the "finished article" and will not have to "slum it" with me for years with vague hopes of my possible future success, so I would not begrudge her one iota for choosing the easier and surer path. I can stay single until I am worthy of the partner I want.

Maybe it's your outlook on everything. Saying all women have baggage is not a good outlook on life and it's entirely untrue. We all have a past. Be more positive and positive things will happen.

I wouldn't balk at cold approaching entirely. I think there's a time and place for it, and with the right approach, and a friendly, receptive woman, it could (and can) work. .

Question:

If you popped into a bar for *your drink*, would the possibilities of something happening be different in these two scenarios:

Scenario A - Viceroy walks in dressed in his finest Tommy gear, hair coiffured like a porcupine, tight fitting shirt and possibly designer stubble, rocks up to the bar and puts the lines on you...

Scenario B - Viceroy walks in dressed casual and relaxed, wanders up to bar where you are sitting talking a bit to barkeep:

B: Hi Viceroy, how'r they hanging?

V: Good B, had a great day at work, got a lot done

B: usual?

V: Pour away! Who's this beauty you are talking to?

B: Hey this is Milly Bond, she's from uptown.

V: Hey you like the bar?

Also, after how long should Viceroy offer to buy you a drink - 5 10 minutes, or just when you finish yours?

Maybe it's your outlook on everything. Saying all women have baggage is not a good outlook on life and it's entirely untrue. We all have a past. Be more positive and positive things will happen.

He didn't actually say that, to be fair.

It was more along the lines of the good looking ones without it were usually in stable relationships.

Question:

 

If you popped into a bar for *your drink*, would the possibilities of something happening be different in these two scenarios:

 

Scenario A - Viceroy walks in dressed in his finest Tommy gear, hair coiffured like a porcupine, tight fitting shirt and possibly designer stubble, rocks up to the bar and puts the lines on you...

 

Scenario B - Viceroy walks in dressed casual and relaxed, wanders up to bar where you are sitting talking a bit to barkeep:

 

B: Hi Viceroy, how'r they hanging?

 

V: Good B, had a great day at work, got a lot done

 

B: usual?

 

V: Pour away! Who's this beauty you are talking to?

 

B: Hey this is Milly Bond, she's from uptown.

 

V: Hey you like the bar?

 

 

Also, after how long should Viceroy offer to buy you a drink - 5 10 minutes, or just when you finish yours?

Scenario A - Viceroy walks in dressed in his finest Tommy gear, hair coiffured like a porcupine, tight fitting shirt and possibly designer stubble, rocks up to the bar and puts the lines on you...

Omg, RayRay, this description ^^^ made me laugh! I think the 'hair coiffured like a porcupine, tight fitting shirt' got me. To be fair, your guy in Scenario A doesn't really sound like my cup of tea...lol. I was picturing someone similar to Johnny Bravo when I read this description.

Scenario B could work, provided I'm sensing what I mention below:

I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but I'm just a big believer in people giving off positive vibes and a good energy. If I'm approached by someone and I'm sensing a good vibe and chemistry between us, I'd be willing to explore that further.

Have I been approached by men where I didn't feel comfortable? Absolutely.

But I found that the guys who got my attention the most were the most natural and nice, and not caught up with themselves. They were just comfortable with who they are. And, they made me laugh!

A good vibe and energy goes a long way.

Make sense, RayRay?

Lastly, if the conversation is going well, the guy can always say, "Can I buy your drink, or maybe get you another?", and just go from there.

p.s. Are you trying to figure out the best way to approach a crush at the local bar? Lol

Make sense, RayRay?

 

...

 

p.s. Are you trying to figure out the best way to approach a crush at the local bar? Lol

Yes it does and I hope Viceroy gets some ideas to work with.

As for me, not really. I worked out a long time ago that if you go out with the express intention of "picking up" it is like painting a lumunescient "L" on your forehead. ("L" for loser).

You are better off just going out and relaxing and enjoying yourself; and being yourself, for that matter*. You do not want a lady to like some false version of you, because it won't last.

*Which, by the way, I think Viceroy should do, in answer to his question. Popping in to his friendly local bar for a couple of settlers is just one example.

At what point do you just accept you ’ll probably be alone?!

NEVER! LoL. Imo, such thoughts are counterproductive if what you really want is a relationship.

I also no longer believe that any good looking woman is single and if she is , she probably has major baggage .

And THAT is your baggage, which you need to address. It makes you sound jaded and it probably colors your perception and interactions with women. Imo, chances are that just as you are single, there are also women who are your peers, are single and carry no more baggage than you do. Imo, you need to address your negative preconceptions regarding single women or you are liable to pass over women who are in reality viable prospects.

Regarding meeting someone, imo it's a numbers game. What have you tried so far to meet new people? The more new people you meet, the more the chances to meet a woman you like. Have you tried volunteering or taking up some new activity that involves other people?

Finally, are you a good looking man with no major baggage? If not, you need to work towards that or adjust your standards accordingly. Both men and women tend to seek for a peer. Most women are effective in making themselves presentable so it's not difficult to find someone cute. If on the other hand you are looking for a model, you need to be in that league yourself. Are you?

 

Regarding meeting someone, imo it's a numbers game. What have you tried so far to meet new people? The more new people you meet, the more the chances to meet a woman you like. Have you tried volunteering or taking up some new activity that involves other people?

The important point here is you don't do it just to meet women you might date. That may happen as a bonus.

Sorry but don't you think you are setting your standards too high by only trying to find "Good looking women"? Yes of course everyone wants someone good-looking in theory, who doesn't! But you've hardly had any relationships with women so beggars can't be choosers. I'm not saying you have to force yourself to be with women you don't like or don't find attractive. But the fact is that most women (And men) are average. Unless you are not yourself, which no offence but I doubt you are because you have not much luck with women. I'm guessing you are average also?

Also attractive women have plenty of options and they especially have options on online dating. I guarantee hot women have hundreds of messages from guys on online dating. I know this because I get many messages on online dating and I'm overweight.

To find a relationship you first and foremost have to be realistic. Also you shouldn't have a negative attitude because that shows. If you already think women have baggage and dating is pointless, you will give off a bad vibe.

You need to get your own place and stop living rent free with your parents. At 25 that is a huge deal breaker. Not only that you live with your mother, she does everything for you but that you pay nothing toward responsible adult living costs.

So it's not about 'women have it so easy', poor me. It's about getting your own place like a grown man.

My advice remains the same: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=561987&p=7168152&viewfull=1#post7168152

Your translation software sucks🎃🎑🎫🎨🥽🏑🛶🎳⚾🎩🎯🎱💍👑

I will not support dating app but if you must get one, do not go for lust..

Look at each step as fun.

Get noise and chat to some ladies. Enjoy it. Maybe it will go somewhere, but don't expect it to.

If you get to meet someone, treatmtmas a fun evening, but don't expect too much. If it turns out to be just a new CEO mean and a drink then goodbye, that's better than being stuck at home.

Don't expect o much. Just enjoy what happens.

Thanks for the reality check wiseman , definitely needed that wow it stings but true .