Not sure where to post this, want to get back together but he doesn't.

Hi everyone, I know it was only a short relationship, just over 2 months long. But we spent a lot of time together and talked everyday in that entire time, from our first date December 29th, decided to be exclusive October 6th and broke up December 11th. I fell hard for him and it always seemed mutual until the last week. All of a sudden he wasn't really talking to me. Then I asked him if everything was ok between us and he said he didn't think things were working out. His had mentioned earlier he felt guilty for being gone all the time (he is an airline pilot and military reserves so he works a lot and is gone a lot). He said he is an independent person and when he is away at work he is always around people and never had alone time and he needed to be able to have time alone when he needed while at home. He also mentioned he also gets deployed and is gone for a year and can't talk for weeks at a time and when he can talk it is a one sided conversation. And htat he is bad with his emotions. He let me cry on the phone to him until I could hang up. We both said we would miss eachother, I said I love you and he is an amazing person and he said same and your amazing too. He started to choke up. He also said that we can remain friends and that we can still go climbing together and will see eachother at the gym. I said ok I just needed a little time. He texted me after we hung up apologizing again saying he thinks this is best for the both of us and that I am strong. That he hopes I get everything I want. We talked some more I said I thought he was happy. He said he was happy until this last time home. I asked what happened and he said he doesn't know he can't explain it, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship where he is unhappy and being gone all the time makes it so.

We stopped talking after that. I did send one more text the next morning about how I was hurting and just wanted to talk to him but I know I can't rely on him and to not respond, which he didn't. Then no contact until yesterday. His birthday is the same day as Christmas and so I just said "Hey, wanted to wish you a happy birthday. (and secondarily a merry Christmas). Him: Thanks. Merry Christmas to you. Me: Do you get to fly today or stuck in an airport? Him: I'm flying until midnight Me: Awesome! Have a great day. And that was it

I never once begged for him to say. I just said I know there is nothing I can say to change your mind. I know I can't change his mind. I obviously want him to be happy. I just wish he had talked to me beforehand and tried to figure something out. Obviously I am back to no contact but I hate it so much. I feel like I haven't fought at all for the relationship but also feel like I can't say anything anyways so why try. I am trying to keep myself busy and do the things I love (i have a ton of hobbies), I have tried to just wallow, I talk to my friends, I journal, reading self help books to try and improve myself since I know I wasn't perfect and I suck at communication as well. I know I should have asked him his needs and expectations for how much we should see eachother but I kept putting it off.

I also suffer from anxiety and depression, so I keep getting it in my head he hates me. All I want to do is send him a message along the lines of "I am sorry if I did something to make you hate me. I only ever wanted to make you happy and I am sorry I couldn't do that. I never needed to see you everyday you were home. I wish you had talked to me about your needs, instead you just stopped talking to me and decided you were unhappy and couldn't be with me. All I needed was to know if I would see you or not, and if not then I could have gone and done my own thing. I have been holding this in because I know nothing I say can change things no matter how much I wish you would still just talk to me and try to make things work. And I know I am not blameless in all this, I sucked at communication as well. Just know I am here if you want to make things work, or ever want to just be friends. And you don't need to say anything. I am way to emotionally fragile to take any more rejection"

I am obviously not going to send it. I know that if he wanted to be with me he would have made things work. I have had guys breakup with me before, but it has never hurt like this before. He was an amazing boyfriend and aside from that last week (even during that last week he was amazing too), he only treated me with kindness.

I don't know what I am trying to get out of saying all this. I know to just not contact him, let myself heel and whatever will be will be in my life. I am also trying to find a therapist. I just hoping someone can relate. I am just sick of hearing it just takes time, with depression its like ya but I am going to feel this depressive episode for months, then be fine again for a few months and then be back in a depressive episode, it is a cycle for me. He isn't an and refuse to believe he is, people are allowed to break up with anyone especially when they are unhappy, and ya he could have talked about it beforehand but a lot of people have emotional issues and find it hard so I don't blame him for that either. I think I just needed to get this all out again. Part of me feels like he does love me/care about me a lot but felt he couldn't meet my needs so had to let me go so I could find someone to make me happy. And another side believes he hates me. But no matter what he wont come back I know. I just wish there was something I could do to make things work.

Sorry to hear this. Were you dating exclusively? Is there a recent gf /ex still in the picture? Ok, 8 or so weeks of dating is a enough time to decide if you want to continue or not. It would be much better to cope with your depression/anxiety by getting to a doctor for an evaluation and to a therapist for ongoing support.

It would be best to cease all contact with him and delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps. Next time go slowly and take your time deciding if someone is right for you. Dating is to get to know someone, not ponder if it's true love or make them your whole life/future. One step at a time. You are responsible or your physical and emotional health, not some guy you dated a few weeks.

2 months long. All of a sudden he wasn't really talking to me. he said he didn't think things were working out. I also suffer from anxiety and depression

At the end of the day it was two months of your life, you'll live.

It's all just very dramatic for something that should be a blip. Try not to lose perspective, just keep busy. You'll be fine.

I am way to emotionally fragile to take any more rejection You shouldn't be dating at all when this is how you feel. You need to work on your mental health, getting psychiatric care, and refrain from dating until you can deal with breakups as anyone does, with some mourning and then healing. That's easier to do when you have a fulfilling life solo with the support of friends, family, and hobbies/interests.

You were in the infatuation period, where you feel like you love someone, but it's really just hormones running wild and the excitement of a new relationship.

When a person dumps you during this period, either he never had longterm in his mind, and enjoys short term so he doesn't have to put in the daily effort that a longterm relationship requires, or he tried dating you, but maybe found you just weren't his cup of tea, which doesn't say anything negative about you. Another guy in your future will never want to let you go.

If you let your life besides him slide, not spending time with girlfriends and hobbies, then he likely felt smothered that he was the sole center of your universe. The message you didn't send to him screams of low self worth, and that's a trait you want to get rid of, as instead of attracting guys, it repels them.

Keep up with the no contact, so that you can get to the healing part without setbacks, and block his number because a guy who dumps you will likely repeat that behavior, and you don't want to be set back to square one if he gets lonely and wants a booty call. I hope 2020 is full of new adventures, and learning to love your own company so that you can one day want to share your joy with a man, versus him being the only reason for your joy.

It's said that failed relationships of short duration are often times the most painful.

At 2 months in you are still on that high of infatuation and idealization. It's a long way to fall. If you try to look at it that way it might help you understand why your feelings are so intense. It's not really a measure of your love for him but more about the timing of it all.

Had it been a long relationship that broke down over time you could make some sort of sense of the ending and because of that it's easier to come to terms with it in some ways.

It probably feels very much like having the rug pulled out from beneath you when you least expected it.

Just know what you are feeling is very normal. No need to make it worse by beating yourself over the negative ideas you are piling on top of an already hard time.

Be kind to yourself.

I am obviously not going to send it.

 

GOOD

 

I know to just not contact him, let myself heel and whatever will be will be in my life.

 

PLUSGOOD

 

I am also trying to find a therapist.

 

DOUBLEPLUSGOOD

 

I am just sick of hearing it just takes time, with depression its like ya but

 

UNFORTUNATELY IT DOES. YES IT IS FRUSTRATING. YES IT IS A PAIN. YES WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BORN WITH A BUTTON IN OUR EARLOBE WE COULD PRESS OR SOMETHING> BUT WE WEREN"T.

 

I just wish there was something I could do to make things work.

There is nothing you can do unless the ex changes their mind.

The only thing you can do is work on yourself, so that on the very slim chance he does, he comes back and sees a newer, better, more attractive you.

So you do the no contact properly, meaning you are actively working on self improvement.

You have identified you need to deal with your depression.

You need to work on yourself in other ways as well. Physical exercises, job/studies, hobbies.

Good luck, and rather than feeling frustrated, understand that it is a journey, not a destination.

I’m wondering if he sensed just how emotionally fragile you are, and decided it wasn’t a good idea to take things further. You say you told him you loved him during the break-up call, so I am curious if you’d told him you loved him before. It’s a big word to be used so early on.

That said, it could be something entirely unrelated too. Maybe there’s an ex lingering in the background, or another woman entirely caught his attention. Perhaps he truly doesn’t want the commitment of a relationship at this point in his life.

In any event, you can’t fight for a relationship that another person just doesn’t want. You’re wise not to send him any further messages, and especially not of the pour-your-heart-out variety. You will be okay again, but if you know you’re predisposed to depressive episodes and anxiety, now would be a great time to address that with a professional.

Yes it takes 2 to make it work and if he doesnt want too after 8 weeks that's a sign it was never going to work.

I'd suggest you definitely seek professional help as you stated. It will help you work out why you are OS infsfued with someone after 8 weeks.

This is bigger than just him. It's about you. Good luck and with time and therapy this will all seem insignificant for you.