Should I stop talking to him or not

I've been seeing this man who is 10 years older, we used to work together and then he was transferred. He has two kids and has a common law wife who he has always referred to as someone who isn't his wife and said that their relationship has been bad. Now I know that it was wrong, I get this. It's been more than a year now that this has been going on and honestly it's been hurtful. We haven't had sex but we've done other things. We haven't spent time outside of the car or work, and that's something that's hurt me. He's said that he wants to be with me forever, wants to make me happy, has made promises of us being together. Now, the thing is, is that since the summer he's been saying we'll be together soon. And I know I'm not crazy but I know he said we'd be together by Christmas. Now I assumed it would be this year. Clearly we are not. Once again I get to cry away the day and the worst part is that I talked about him to my parents and when they ask me where he is I can't help but feel hurt. I get it if he wants to stay for his kids sake that's fine, let me know so I can move on. I don't get what he gets out of this. My friends said maybe an ego boost, but I don't know. I'm at a breaking point in that he messaged me that he loved me and I don't know if I should reply or not. Should I just ignore him or meet with him and break it off? A while ago I told him that this is hurting me and that I want to be with him and that he clearly has other priorities and he said that he does want to be with me. I don't know what to do other than cry and feel helpless.

You are being played for a fool. He's got a common law wife and he's apparently lying to you when he says he will leave her for you. Meetings in his car? He doesnt want to be seen in public with you in case wifey should see him with you or someone else who knows him sees him with you. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would be. You need to cut your losses and quit crying and move on. Find a guy who is actually available.

I've been seeing this man who is 10 years older, we used to work together and then he was transferred. He has two kids and has a common law wife who he has always referred to as someone who isn't his wife and said that their relationship has been bad. Now I know that it was wrong, I get this. It's been more than a year now that this has been going on and honestly it's been hurtful. We haven't had sex but we've done other things. We haven't spent time outside of the car or work, and that's something that's hurt me. He's said that he wants to be with me forever, wants to make me happy, has made promises of us being together. Now, the thing is, is that since the summer he's been saying we'll be together soon. And I know I'm not crazy but I know he said we'd be together by Christmas. Now I assumed it would be this year. Clearly we are not. Once again I get to cry away the day and the worst part is that I talked about him to my parents and when they ask me where he is I can't help but feel hurt. I get it if he wants to stay for his kids sake that's fine, let me know so I can move on. I don't get what he gets out of this. My friends said maybe an ego boost, but I don't know. I'm at a breaking point in that he messaged me that he loved me and I don't know if I should reply or not. Should I just ignore him or meet with him and break it off? A while ago I told him that this is hurting me and that I want to be with him and that he clearly has other priorities and he said that he does want to be with me. I don't know what to do other than cry and feel helpless.

You should stop talking to him.

You should also avoid married men.

Yes of course you should stop talking to him. He is a liar and a cheater. Even if you managed to "win" him over all you would end up with is a liar and a cheater. And if he is not a deadbeat dad, he would have to pay alimony for two children. Why on earth are you choosing to waste your life on such a loser and what does that say about your self-esteem and character?

Thinking that he would treat you any better than the mother of his children is delusional. You are no victim. You are making the informed choice to enable a cheater to hurt his common law wife and are trying to break up a family and take a father from his two children. If you "win", when in time he does the same to you, you will only have yourself to blame.

Please do yourself a favour and drop this clown. Breaking up a family is not the kind of karma you want on your back. The hurt you are already experiencing is the karma you get for enabling him. If you really get that what you did was wrong, STOP seeing him. Do you really want to end up in the same spot where his common law wife currently is?

As my husband says, if he'll do it with you he'll do it to you.

He loves you, yet dates you from his car. Right!

I feel for the wife and kids. Really crappy thing your are doing! You have no right to be hurt as this is what happens when you get involved with men who are involved.

He will not leave her, as he does not care about you. Why you would want someone who would cheat is beyond me.

You are old enough to know that the 'wife doesn't understand me' line is just to try to get in your pants. Get a man of your own who actually cares about you. Stop living a lie or getting cheap thrills with guys in cars.

He has two kids and has a common law wife who he has always referred to as someone who isn't his wife and said that their relationship has been bad. We haven't had sex but we've done other things. We haven't spent time outside of the car or work

So he gets to have a family home , go back to two children and a partner and live a life that some would cherish with all their heart ......he gets that ....then gets to *play about* with a girl 10 years younger , in his car or at work ....oh isn't he living the dream .

Let me guess ...

She doesn't understand him

He doesn't have a connection with her like he does you

Since the kids came along their sex life has gone

He only stays for the kids

If only he could have met you first

etc

etc

All the while , you go home alone every night and have wasted a year letting someone elses man have fun with you and not even have to buy you half a lager and a bag of chips , he just needs to go to work or wait in his car.

That is your life ......

You know what you need to do Kathy .

You're just a side piece. He doesn't take you seriously not is actually going to leave his wife. His family life is probably great, just that he's bored with the mundane domestic side. You provide the fun, but you won't get any respect.

Leave this, it will never get better.

Unfortunately he is treating you like a curbside prostitute and simply doing things in cars with you, but for free. Stop it. He is not your bf. You know this.

He has two kids and has a common law wife. We haven't spent time outside of the car or work. I talked about him to my parents

You are the other woman.

Never date a guy who already has a girlfriend, who's heart is already taken. They say they will leave the girlfriend/wife, but it's a lie.

You have a greater chance at winning the lottery, than you do at sinking your claws into this bozo.

Also, where do you see the prize in a man who would walk away from his wife and children in order to be with you? At any rate, If his wife were to find out about his shenanigans, he'd deny ever knowing you.

What a catch!

You have a greater chance at winning the lottery, than you do at sinking your claws into this bozo.

 

Also, where do you see the prize in a man who would walk away from his wife and children in order to be with you? At any rate, If his wife were to find out about his shenanigans, he'd deny ever knowing you.

 

What a catch!

Or he'd call you a psycho stalker.

Let's be honest, you're not helpless. You willingly got involved with a man who has a common law wife. As they say, when you play with fire, you get burned.

Come on, kathy. You know what you have to do.

Best to find a single guy and stop fooling around with men who are in relationships. You know this already.

If you only have "dates" in the car, be aware that in some places you could both be arrested for indecency. Just sayin' A place of business, a passerby, etc, could report it. Its sad that this is all you think you are worth

If you only have "dates" in the car, be aware that in some places you could both be arrested for indecency. Just sayin' A place of business, a passerby, etc, could report it. Its sad that this is all you think you are worth

Yes, this POS could at least get a motel room!

I know you're hurting and it really sucks but you've got nowhere to go but up if you end this asap.

He will never leave his wife.

You deserve a proper relationship with a single man.

You will not find one until you wake up and smell the coffee.

it's never good to get involved with a married guy... regardless of what he says. people do lie. And they will take advantage of your willingness to believe them. You re actually making it easy for him.

I think deep down you want a proper relationship and you feel "if only" he would be one. I'm sorry he won't.

I think you need a therapist, someone that can help you find the tools you need to learn how to love yourself more.

I hope you get out of this situation. it's wrong for a lot of reasons but the main one being the pain it's causing you....

You are good enough to want and get more. Let this guy go. You're future self will thank you.

Good point. This may be why he is doing this. You may be in a area where prostitution is illegal and/or he is too cheap to pay for that, so he pretends this is an affair.

If you only have "dates" in the car, be aware that in some places you could both be arrested for indecency.

The wife could see that receipt.

Yes, this POS could at least get a motel room!

Right or wrong, you have feelings for this guy. That makes it very hard to accept how badly he's treating you, and see it for what it is. Even if it's true that he wants to leave his wife but can't for the children's sake, that's disingenuous. A respectful divorce is better for everyone. I have to agree with the comments above. This is not a situation you want to be in.