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Thread: Hmm. He spent a MONTH doing all these hints/jokes/mentions of marriage, etc

  1. #1
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    Hmm. He spent a MONTH doing all these hints/jokes/mentions of marriage, etc

    Some examples, and no they weren't all said in 1 day

    Jokingly saying he put money aside for wedding [don't really think he did?]
    Oh we should get married and come back and tell everyone!
    Talking about what the wedding would be like.
    Jokingly saying "we should just get married"
    Drove past a ring place and he was like "oh I need to go there to get your ring!"
    Joked saying I don't know what hes getting me for Christmas and it'll be a real knee jerker, and joked about getting down on his knee.
    Brought up noticing a wedding dress place.
    Joked about proposing for Christmas and that's what I get for Christmas.

    ….THEN TWO DAYS before Christmas made a joke about this place that says plaques and said Oh you get best girlfriend, best fiancé award. A WEEK before Christmas he asked my ring size. Why wouldn't I think he was going to do it??

    Soo of course I expected a proposal today and nope. that's my own fault, but is it? He keeps hinting all this and making comments and I cant lie but feel disappointed. Yes, I know talking about it on the internet isn't the way to go but right now im not ready to talk to him about it.

    So am I overreacting? How to handle this?

    Yes we've been together 2 years, have a kid together, and yes we've discussed marriage before.

    I feel like he built me up...and then nothing.I'm not the one who continually joked about it. Judge if you must, but i'm slightly upset..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I mean, are you actually in Texas? Because it's only like 1:30pm right now. Not saying you should expect anything, but even if you wanted to be upset, it seems a bit premature. Even if he doesn't propose, it's a decent enough chance he may have underestimated the time involved between placing an order on a ring and it being ready if he was just asking your ring size a week ago and planning to pop the question today.

    At the end of the day, you two have a kid together. You haven't written about any other misgivings in your relationship. Very worst case, I'd let Christmas be Christmas and just enjoy your time as family. If you were together 5+ years and he'd been dragging his feet on getting hitched to the mother of his child, I might feel different. And should he still be dropping empty hints at that point, you should as well. But at face value, really doesn't seem to be the case here.

    Or propose to him yourself if not having control over it is getting to you so bad.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Maybe he plans a romantic new year's eve proposal.

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    Originally Posted by j.man
    I mean, are you actually in Texas? Because it's only like 1:30pm right now. Not saying you should expect anything, but even if you wanted to be upset, it seems a bit premature. Even if he doesn't propose, it's a decent enough chance he may have underestimated the time involved between placing an order on a ring and it being ready if he was just asking your ring size a week ago and planning to pop the question today.

    At the end of the day, you two have a kid together. You haven't written about any other misgivings in your relationship. Very worst case, I'd let Christmas be Christmas and just enjoy your time as family. If you were together 5+ years and he'd been dragging his feet on getting hitched to the mother of his child, I might feel different. And should he still be dropping empty hints at that point, you should as well. But at face value, really doesn't seem to be the case here.

    Or propose to him yourself if not having control over it is getting to you so bad.
    Thanks. This is a fair response.

    I guess you are right. I will just try to relax, and not let it bug me! I know the day isn't over lol but there's no way its happening [cant explain how I know] just that intuition. Its kinda a lazy, slow day.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Maybe he plans a romantic new year's eve proposal.
    I thought about that! We will be out of town to his hometown [we go every year, not a special trip], but we would be leaving the very next day early AM with a LONG car ride lol not sure if he'd do it then.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Am I the only one who thinks this guy is not serious about marrying this woman?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Am I the only one who thinks this guy is not serious about marrying this woman?
    Don't know. Kid or no, two years together isn't a whole lot of time to credibly put someone in the dragging it out / not serious about marriage camp. And truth be told, a lot of guys (myself included) are pretty big dunces when it comes to just how anxious or hopeful many women get about having the question popped. Being frank, I don't know why so many women do it to themselves. But a lot of guys drop hints as an assurance not knowing it results in a more prompt expectation. Again at face value, I'd say the guy's biggest crime is not keeping his mouth shut until he's got the ring in hand. Beyond that, I say wait a season and we'll know just how cheap his talk is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Is he ever passive/aggressive with you? Could it be that he is with all of this talk, knowing how much you want it and it's making you squirm when you don't get it? I don't know, because I don't know him. You do. Or is he planting a red herring, so that you'll really be surprised when it's a different day?

    If you get tired of his games, tell him you don't need a surprise. That you want the both of you to pick out rings you want together, and to decide on a date together. I've never been a fan of surprises myself, and with the husband I've been married to for 8 years, that's how we handled it. My husband and I have very different tastes in jewelry. I'm glad I got to choose my own ring.

  10. #9
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    Perhaps he was dropping the hints so he could gauge the OPs reaction, on account it would be a bit of a downer if she said no.

    Anyway, she hasn't come back so looks like he asked.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Is he ever passive/aggressive with you? Could it be that he is with all of this talk, knowing how much you want it and it's making you squirm when you don't get it? I don't know, because I don't know him. You do. Or is he planting a red herring, so that you'll really be surprised when it's a different day?

    If you get tired of his games, tell him you don't need a surprise. That you want the both of you to pick out rings you want together, and to decide on a date together. I've never been a fan of surprises myself, and with the husband I've been married to for 8 years, that's how we handled it. My husband and I have very different tastes in jewelry. I'm glad I got to choose my own ring.
    Sometimes he is passive aggressive... BUT I don't ever really overly talk about marriage or wanting it so much, to be honest. I don't think I've ever pressured him or mentioned it much. Marriage is a huge deal to me, I was with someone for ten years who was emotionally abusive and I refused to marry him.


    I don't really know what to make of the jokes? It doesn't really make sense to me. I thought maybe he was gauging my reaction but idk theyre so frequent. Not only jokes though the comments of "this is why we should get married, so that...blah blah" or just mentioning it. I dunno

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