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Thread: Feelings of Inferiority.

  1. #11
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You side step suggestions of therapy. Why?

    You have tried to stop this unhealthy behavior on your own but you can't.

    If you refuse to seek therapy the only logical conclusion is you actually want this relationship to end. If you didn't you'd seek professional help.
    I have. So what else is there to talk about? It doesn't fix things today.

  2. #12
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    Canít you just end the relationship? That will make a fix of some sort. Youíre obviously not happy.

    Iíve been reading various versions of basically the same posts you make. You canít change your boyfriend and heís not going to change. Itís time you took care of yourself!

    You got this! I know it sucks being alone but being single until the right guy comes along is worth it.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. 180 days of dating is way too soon to talk about moving in . Although you may not like where you live at the moment, try to wait it out. You don't want someone who thinks "you're too messy" becoming your landlord. He could throw you out at any time. If he is already complaining about how you live, who you are, that your anger is too much, etc the conflict if you move in would be unbearable.

    Perhaps go through your living area and start to place things in storage containers, give things away or throw out unwanted or unneeded items. Considering getting a storage unit or start looking for/saving for a better place. Do not do housework at his place unless he pays you the hourly rate for that area..

    He clearly does not want you moving in (ever) is finding fault after fault so consider ending things. If you feel angry a lot or argumentative a lot he may not be right for you, but either way talking to a therapist could help that.
    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now.


    he mentioned that I was messy and he had concerns that my mess would add to his mess. He also mentioned that when I get upset, I get REALLY upset and that there would be nowhere for me to go when that happens.

    If he assumes that I'm so "messy" and so "argumentative", what is he even doing with me? .

  4. #14
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    I just donít get the purpose of moving in other than convenience and you having a place to live that is more than one room? Where do you get that itís a stage of dating ?
    Sure if you are the type of couple to move in as some sort of signal that youíre emotionally closer and getting more serious emotionally fine but it doesnít sound like that and he is worried that if youíre there all the time youíll get more insecure and clingy.
    Do you want to have more intellectually challenging conversations with him ? Do you think he wants that ? If so whatís stopping you ? If not then you do you. It sounds like youíre trying to force a good match here by going through your perceived ďstagesĒ of moving in together. I donít think it works that way , sorry.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Putting aside the history hereówhich, I admit, is a challengeóI would say the logical solution to this is to put off the moving-in talks, along with idea of cohabitation, for at least another six months. It's quite early to be making those plans, generally speaking, and the fact that even talking about it causes whiplash and disconnect is a pretty good sign that the timing isn't right. Whatever one's reason for moving in with a romantic partner, I don't think it should be a fraught moment, but just a fun one.

    As far as all the inferiority stuff? I don't quite know what to say, as I just can't imagine having those feelings and still wanting to be with someone who stirred them. They've been a reoccurring theme in this relationship, are very much part of your romantic foundation, perhaps even the general foundation that is you. You felt like this before you were a couple, and continue to feel this way the more time you spend together. Going back to a logical approach, that tells you it's something you're going to feel regularly inside this relationship, so I suppose you have to either accept it or ask the question of whether this relationship serves you.

    At some point one of you are going to get tired of bonding over "cons." He'll lose patience with assuring you, or you'll lose patience for feeling inferior. You can wait until either of those scenarios happen to take some steps toward inner strength, but along with the others I'd really suggest taking those steps now.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Soooooo

    Are we going to do this whole thing again?

    You know where we pretend the posters past posts donít exist, where this exact post simply titled differently doesnít already exist, that this poster uses this board as a coping mechanism to soothe her anxiety knowing full well she plans to change nothing lest we be called inconsiderate responders?

    Are we still doing this or nah?

    Cause if we are Iíll sit this one out, not the biggest fan of being accused of being careless because I donít tip toe around the blatantly obvious.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Soooooo

    Are we going to do this whole thing again?
    ......
    Yes.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You accuse him of settling for you, but it sounds like you're the one who's settling just to move yourself out of the room you're crammed into.

  10. #19
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    I will try to make this a brief post. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now. So because of this, we both felt like it was an appropriate time to talk about me moving in with him. In all fairness, I requested for him to start off with the cons list regarding the situation at hand.


    NOPE. its not an appopriate time to talk about moving in. An appropriate time is in a couple years, maybe when you have decided that you will marry eachother. Moving in after 6 months is a recipe for disaster and is NOT an appropriate way to get a bigger bedroom than you have. There are foundational issues with this relationship - you are painfully insecure.

    he wants to move in with you for sex and because you cook and clean.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    He doesn't really, he's just more analytical than feeling based and at times he can come off as cold. I realize that I am an anxious lover, I just want to relax and enjoy being with him but I analyze and evaluate every thing mentioned in a convo. He spends time with me, treats me well, despite our differences. But I cannot shake the feeling that he's settling. And I dont want to be someone's second choice.
    There might be a guy out there better suited to you that you do relax with.

    AND i highly suggest that you don't move in under any circumstances. You refuse to listen to sound advice. You refuse to really work on yourself - and for some people that really means doing what they don't want to do -- be alone for awhile. Figure out your life first

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