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Thread: How do I deal with a parent having a new partner.

  1. #1
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    How do I deal with a parent having a new partner.

    My father has a new girlfriend. I am his only child and I have never seen him with a partner as him and my mother broke up when I was a baby and since then his life has been about me I suppose. My mother married my step father shortly after their breakup and I will admit, me and my brother (from another father) never got along with him. I suppose we always felt left out as they had new children together, despite the fact my mother did try to include us.

    Anyway, for the first time Iíve ever seen my father has a new partner. I am so happy for him donít get me wrong, but Iím so scared that I will be forgotten about. She has children of her own and I just do not know how to express to him my feelings. I am so happy he has someone, but Iím terrified he will have a new family and I will be forgotten, especially as my dad has been such a huge part of my life since I was born. Itís just something I donít know how to process and I feel like itís strange that I feel like this when I should just be happy for him.

    Why am I like this, is it normal to need time to process this? Thank you!

  2. #2
    Bronze Member Leah33's Avatar
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    Why am I like this, is it normal to need time to process this? Thank you!
    There's nothing wrong with you, it's normal, and yes you need time to adjust.

    I hope you will get to spend time with family at Christmas time whether it's with your mom or dad.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You just have to grow up, mature and handle this new arrangement or situation with grace. Let your father know how you feel but know that you need to be prepared to become lower priority in his life from now on. Sure, he'll always love you but know that his life is "crowded" now with his new partner and new family. You will have to share him. Expect to have less time and attention from him and learn to yield even if you don't like it. It comes with the territory. If you're truly happy for him, make his life peaceful by your peaceful behavior towards him and don't ever whine and complain incessantly to him. Imagine yourself in his shoes and it's a juggling act trying to make everyone happy in his life.

    Processing is accepting your father's life changing new role in everyone's lives. You don't have to like it but you'll have to grudgingly accept these types of changes in both of your lives. And, be kind. You don't have to become best friends with his new partner and children but you can remain well mannered, polite, gracious and considerate. Don't be difficult. This will make your father happy which in turn will make you happy and create a harmonious relationship especially between you and your father at this stage in both of your lives. Also, your peaceful behavior will spill over to his relationship with his new partner and new family. No sense causing any unnecessary strife and discord for them due to you. Learn to step back and go with the flow.

    Think and behave properly and you will be all right.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do.
    A new marriage is a huge adjustment for everyone.

    Give yourself time, and do your best to get to know your new step parent. Try to make sure you and your Dad get alone time as well.
    You can always talk to your dad and tell him your worries and see what he says.

    But just give things time. Try to think of it as a new person in your life who will add support and love, not take away from it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Your dad will not "forget" you.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You have only two choices. Accept and embrace your father's partner or be bitter and resentful. How old are you? Do you still live at home with either of your parents.

    In the mean time focus on your sobriety and perhaps discuss your mixed feelings in AA meetings, group therapy, rehab or other therapeutic outlet.
    Originally Posted by Jess5638
    Over the past year, my drinking has taken a turn for the worse. Over the last few weekends I have got absolutely black out drunk. I have humiliated myself beyond belief, I have drank so much I have done awful things. I have stranger texting me asking me if i was okay because 'I was bad' the night before.

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    Drink less, so you don't do something stupid you'll regret.

    Be nice to her and her family.

    Congratulate your dad and wish him the best.

    Maybe in a couple of months, you could ask him for some time alone with him or something - an early dinner together on a week night, something like that.

  9. #8
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    I would try to get to know them. Dad will never forget you, but if you act difficult and jealous towards his girlfriend, you won't be included in outings or get togethers as much. The best thing you can do is ask to meet them, ask to meet your dad and girlfriend for dinner or otherwise get to know the kids unless he doesn't spend time with them yet because the relationship is too new. Remember, her kids probably have similar feelings about you and are in the same boat!


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