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Thread: What are his intentions

  1. #1
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    What are his intentions

    I met a man (25) in August of 2018. I am from Alabama, he is stationed in Alabama for flight school. He is from Alaska. I took a friend to hangout with him and his friends a few times before he and I hung out one on one. I ended up staying with him one night and I initiated sexual things. I got feelings for him after a couple weeks of us hanging out every day and he made it well known that he had recently gotten out of a relationship and was not interested in anything other than a good friendship. After hanging out for a few months he still made it known that he would not date anyone but did not want me seeing other people. We would go out to dinner, hed cook for me, wed go out of town together. But still made it know I was not his girl. He would hangout with me on the week days but would still hook up with girls occasionally when he and his friends went out on the weekends. This past August(2019) it became time for me to move on to another college which is two hours away from where we both lived. Up until then we had hung out every day for a year, except the times he would return to Alaska for a week or so at the time and we would still FaceTime and keep in touch. Before I left for college he opened up that he had feelings for me and wanted to keep things going. He met my family and would come see me on the weekends that I could not come home. His family came down from Alaska and I spent extensive time with them (he made it known that he had only allowed one other girl to meet his family) . At this time, he expressed that he thought he loved me and brought up dating. (I had not brought this up in a long time). Although, he wanted to talk about it, he said he was still worried because he would soon have to return to Alaska for good and I am only a junior in college in Alabama. Since then, he has attended all of my families big events, and bought me a semi expensive gift for me birthday. I caught lying about going somewhere That I would not have appreciated, we fought about it for a couple days and I then saw that during those days he had redownloaded Tinder. He said that he would have not ever actually met up with the girls he was talking to on there and we never had a day that we werent together during that time (basically living together). I saw where his old girlfriend from Alaska had texted him asking when he was returning for Alaska for Christmas but he had not opened the message and it was sent days before. He acted a little odd to me last week before he left, but began acting a lot better a couple days before actual leaving. He bought me an expensive diamond necklace for christmas. Since hes been gone Ive talked to him every day but only a few messages each day. (He doesnt like being on his phone when hes around friends, me, or family). Im confused on his intentions and need help because its emotionally draining. We have vaguely talked about future together and he sometimes bring up me moving to Alaska (which I have made it known to him that I would). But nothing too deep about the situation.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    No one but him can tell you his intentions. As it is? It sounds like your relationship is largely built around accommodating his desire to not be in a relationship, which makes things tough. He's been mainly with you, but has hooked up with others here and there, goes onto Tinder, etc.which, hey, is allowed, since you guys don't sound like you've ever made commitment or monogamy boundaries to this. Still, there are real limitations to this kind of nebulous connection, and I think you're starting to feel them. While you'd like him to take it all more seriously, at least from what I'm gathering, none of this would exist if you weren't okay with him not taking it seriously, if that makes sense.

    What is it that you want? That's the question we're always able to answer, and when we approach it from that angle this is all a lot less complicated. Do you want to be in a committed relationship with him? Do you want to move to Alaska when he moves? Do you want to be exclusive with him, or are you also seeing other people here and there? I'm curious to understand all that a little bit more, and I think you'll find it all less confusing once you have solid answers to those questions.

    Big picture? I'd say that if what you want is a man who is fully interested in you, and you only, then this man has spent more than a year telling you and showing you that he is not that man. He seems to enjoy things as they've been, without them wanting to really evolve into anything more substantial. Your clarity is more likely going to come from asking yourself if that's enough for you than it is trying to know his "intentions." He made those pretty clear, after all, in repeatedly telling you that you're not "his girl" and all that. Doesn't sound like he's really wavered in that, unless I'm reading things wrong.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It sounds to me as though he wants his cake and eat it too.

    He has feelings for you, for sure, but he's not done with other women yet and he's not willing to give you a full commitment.
    I think that's obvious to anyone reading your story.

    But the question is, are you okay with that?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like you already know he has a gf back home and this is a local fling. That's fine but if you are getting too involved it's time to step way back from this. This has been fraught with issues from the start.

    Date local college guys who are on the same page as you and stay away from Tinder, where you met him: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Bailee9876
    I met a man (25) in August of 2018. I am from Alabama, he is stationed in Alabama for flight school. Im confused on his intentions and need help because its emotionally draining.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It sounds like he had a fling while visiting Alabama.

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    Fresh start in 2020. Dump him, be wiser dating the locals at college.

    Good luck

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    If this is what you think the ideal lifetime partner would be, you haven't had enough lifetime experience to know that far better prospects exist.

    Im confused on his intentions and need help because its emotionally draining. If this was the right relationship, you wouldn't feel this way. You'd be 100 percent confident and everything would be crystal clear.

    The next tie you date, if someone isn't on the same page as you as far as dating/relationship goals go, end it ASAP, no matter how cute and fun he is. Don't invest in someone you will develop feelings for and he doesn't want the same thing. You've wasted a lot of time on someone who is just not that into you. Expensive presents are meaningless when he lacks the other must-haves, or at least what should be must-haves for a person with a healthy self esteem.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Bailee9876
    he is stationed in Alabama for flight school. He is from Alaska. ... I got feelings for him after a couple weeks of us hanging out every day and he made it well known that he had recently gotten out of a relationship and was not interested in anything other than a good friendship. After hanging out for a few months he still made it known that he would not date anyone but did not want me seeing other people. He would still hook up with girls occasionally ......[Then they had an LDR of sorts, then she found him on Tinder.] .
    So he is getting his cake and eating it, and now you are one of a troop that one day he might or might not choose one of as his alpha female?

    I think you should be enjoying your time at college, and dating locally.

    Tell him you are not interested in waiting for him, but if he ever wants to take you seriously, he should contact you by email.

    Then block his number and block him on all social media apps.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    stay away from Tinder, where you met him: [Register to see the link]
    Well reading the OP there, it included this:

    Hes about to leave again for three weeks and will not have his phone at all because it is a military thing
    Flight school at Alabama sounds like Rucker or Maxwell. Are you in love with him or the aviator's uniform?


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