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Thread: Ex Wife Moving In With Alcoholic

  1. #21
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    Yes, you have say if your children are going to live with unrelated adults.

    If you are saying I should not give my opinion to my ex wife, I am going to disregard this advice. It doesn’t matter in the least if she values what I have to say, but open and honest communication with my kids AND with her have served me well so far and I’m not ready to abandon an approach that hasn’t failed to yield peace of mind, self respect and an amicable co-parenting relationship.

    You can express concern without "showing your hand".

    i would not tell her that you are also going to tell the judge or mediator that you do not want your children, particularly your daughter, to live with (even if only on weekends) a situation with 2 men not related to them. That you are requesting that mom does not have her overnight. You do not wish to interfere with mom meeting someone and having a relationship, but with the father of the guy unknown to you and because of the shortness of the relationship, you are opposed. If you strike first, you are less likely to come off as jealous and if she does go stay at that house, you would have to prove something bad happened to forbid it after the fact.

  2. #22
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    You can express concern without "showing your hand".
    If this is broached properly I will also gather a lot of useful information which will inform me for the next indicated action, whatever that may turn out to be.

    You and I think alike on this particular topic, thank you for contributing.

  3. #23
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    More children are abused by people they know than your average stranger. Not saying don’t keep an eye.....
    In my case I was sexually abused by family members.

    Doesn’t mean either that drunks are pedos.

  4. #24
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    I’m worried in particular about driving (both kids got a reminder to never, ever get in the car with someone who’s been drinking,) and increased potential for violence or sexual abuse.

    Naturally the living conditions in the proposed environment sound “less than ideal” as well.

    The other things that concern me are, as was brought out in prior comments, out of my control. The example of self-worth and priorities that my ex is setting for her daughter (and her son) through her dating choices...

    We have a phone call later tonight and I’m going to matter of factly mention my discomfort with the proposed change and then just listen.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    I’m worried in particular about driving (both kids got a reminder to never, ever get in the car with someone who’s been drinking,) and increased potential for violence or sexual abuse.

    Naturally the living conditions in the proposed environment sound “less than ideal” as well.

    The other things that concern me are, as was brought out in prior comments, out of my control. The example of self-worth and priorities that my ex is setting for her daughter (and her son) through her dating choices...

    We have a phone call later tonight and I’m going to matter of factly mention my discomfort with the proposed change and then just listen.
    For sure I think the greater potential is that she is modeling bad examples.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    A men’s group.
    So, the guy is trying to deal with stuff and improve himself?

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    So, the guy is trying to deal with stuff and improve himself?
    It’s my opinion that we are all always making choices which we believe will improve our lives. Like, nobody does something thinking “this will make my life worse...”

    That said, some people’s best thinking appears to others to be very self-destructive and selfish. If I had to describe this guy’s current mode of life I guess I would dub it “downward spiral punctuated by brief moments of improvement to get the heat off.”

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    If I had to describe this guy’s current mode of life I guess I would dub it “downward spiral punctuated by brief moments of improvement to get the heat off.”
    Can't say I'd be happy about my 12yo girl being in his house then.

    I think the best suggestion above was, you go away overnight and tell the ex to visit her at your place.

    The 18yo is going to make his own arrangements anyway; he always has the option to hang at home with her that weekend.

  10. #29
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    Just got off the phone with ex wife. I just let her know I was uncomfortable and asked if her man was currently sober. I listened and asked a few follow questions based on her responses.

    She says he is sober for “I don’t know, a couple of months” which is either a lie or she’s in denial because I’ve personally sat down with this guy while he was wasted more recently than that.

    The place is a 3 bedroom apartment and the brother is now out. So it’s currently occupied by the new boyfriend and his dad. Daughter will have her own room which would be shared with her brother if he stays there too.

    This situation feels like a repeat of three years ago when mom and her new heroin addict boyfriend rented a room together after just meeting. A few weeks later he was found dead of OD by the owner of the house. I’m not exactly confident that “THIS time things are really different...” lol

    So next month’s court date takes on a new flavor.

  11. #30
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    I’m reading what I just typed like “I can’t believe this is true and this is part of my personal life experience.” 😳

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