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Thread: Ex Wife Moving In With Alcoholic

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Really the only one you can mention in court is the 12 year old. The 18 year old is considered an adult even though we know most are not.

    I would be upset with my kids being exposed to that.

  2. #12
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Yeah, my son turned 18 on Saturday and we live in the United States so according to the law here he will not be included on further orders.

    At this point nothing has happened to merit supervised visitation. I donít believe that would contribute to my kidsí sense of stability or security, either. I think the only thing it would accomplish is to engender a contentious environment where there has been cooperation and a sense of family. Iím not opposed to doing anything it takes, but that option seems extremely premature to me at this point.

    Iím waiting until after Christmas (this is the first time in many years that the kids are going to be with their mom for the holiday, no need to taint it by possibly putting her into defensive mode days before) and then Iím going to meet with her and ask some questions to better understand the situation, lay out any concerns I have and then just listen. Once I hear her out and get a better understanding of the landscape then I will be able to reassess and take any indicated action.

    For now it has been really good to have this forum to spill things in black and white to some insightful folks, ďtake a breathĒ and really gain some perspective on the situation. Thank you everyone for reading and contributing - pretty awesome <3

  3. #13

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    Your Ex= SELFISH!

    Anyone who would put their children at risk for their own sexual satisfaction is not fit to be a parent.

    Petition the court, get a good lawyer... crush her. She does not deserve a say in this!

  4. #14
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Camber 2019
    Your Ex= SELFISH!

    Anyone who would put their children at risk for their own sexual satisfaction is not fit to be a parent.

    Petition the court, get a good lawyer... crush her. She does not deserve a say in this!
    Lol, trust me I get the sentiment.

    But Iím not much of ďcrush themĒ kind of person. I do my best to always be a ďlift them upĒ kind of guy. I do understand that you canít reason with the unreasonable, but that doesnít mean I need to punish them...

    If when I have as many of the facts as I can get it becomes clear that I need to intervene then I will. Itís how I ended up the primary parent in the first place.

    I do appreciate the validation that this is something significant and upsetting...always good to get a check on my feelings when they get stirred up.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Putting your daughter in a house with 3 strange men, at least one who is an alcoholic, just so you won't ruffle your wife's feathers and hoping for the best is being neglectful. I would probably offer her the use of your place while you go spend every other weekend elsewhere instead of throwing your daughter into a wolves den.

  7. #16
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Putting your daughter in a house with 3 strange men, at least one who is an alcoholic, just so you won't ruffle your wife's feathers and hoping for the best is being neglectful. I would probably offer her the use of your place while you go spend every other weekend elsewhere instead of throwing your daughter into a wolves den.
    I think maybe you jumped in a little bit late into the thread, or perhaps I wasnít clear. Let me explain for you though :)

    It is my ex wifeís intent to move in there. At this time, it hasnít happened. Iíve been in the trenches with her before, and itís how I ended up with custody of the kids. For the past several years Iíve been a full-time single father, Andrina. Iím willing and able and capable of fighting the good fights for my kids. And, as you will notice, I even went to the lengths of posting a thread asking for advice on how to approach the PROPOSED situation...one could surmise that I am aware of potential risks?

    Iím glad you feel passionate about this too, and I appreciate your willingness to contribute! However I am not neglectful nor spineless. I simply prefer to do things with tact and dignity as much as Iím able to.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    she told me (nervously) that she was dating this guy weeks ago because a) I know him from an organization we both attend and b) that means I know how bad his alcoholism really is;
    What sort of an organization is that one, Skeptic?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately you can't tell your exwife what to do. She can use whatever bad judgement she has, sadly. So there is no 'approaching it' when it comes to her. All you can do is continue to keep very open lines of communication with your kids especially the 12 y/o.

    For example how do they feel about this prospect? Why not go to family therapy, just you and the 12 y/o? What about the 18 y/o? What are his thoughts on it? He can do whatever he wants including never going to this man's house or having anything to do with any of this mess or custody etc.. Is he thinking about going away to college? That may be a good option for him..
    Originally Posted by Skeptic76
    Iíve been in the trenches with her before, and itís how I ended up with custody of the kids. how to approach the PROPOSED situation.

  10. #19
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    What sort of an organization is that one, Skeptic?
    A menís group.

  11. #20
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately you can't tell your exwife what to do. She can use whatever bad judgement she has, sadly. So there is no 'approaching it' when it comes to her. All you can do is continue to keep very open lines of communication with your kids especially the 12 y/o.

    For example how do they feel about this prospect? Why not go to family therapy, just you and the 12 y/o? What about the 18 y/o? What are his thoughts on it? He can do whatever he wants including never going to this man's house or having anything to do with any of this mess or custody etc.. Is he thinking about going away to college? That may be a good option for him..
    I agree with a large portion of what you said. I donít agree that itís unfortunate and sad that I canít control my ex wife though; I can hardly manage my own dang life, haha. Itís actually a relief that I neednít be in control of anything other than my own behavior...but Iím being a devilís advocate there because I do understand and jibe with the spirit of what youíre saying.

    If you are saying I should not give my opinion to my ex wife, I am going to disregard this advice. It doesnít matter in the least if she values what I have to say, but open and honest communication with my kids AND with her have served me well so far and Iím not ready to abandon an approach that hasnít failed to yield peace of mind, self respect and an amicable co-parenting relationship.

    I like the idea of going back into counseling with my daughter. Itís been several years since we availed ourselves of that service.

    Yes, as stated several times in the thread it is the law in my country that the 18 y/o is a legal adult and not included in custody orders. He is currently attending community college and has one more semester before he can begin his transfer paperwork. Heís a good kid.

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