What does she want? Friends or Romantic Relationship?

Hey,

I (21) have been talking to this girl (20) for a few weeks now and I don't know what to take from what she is doing/saying.

For example: In the last week she texted me three (or four) times asking me how I am doing or what's new in my life (and just asking about me in general). I normally ended the conversation because I was busy or didn't know what else to say (so I just said "ok" or something that ends the conversation).

Well, I would think that means she is at least willing to talk to me or is interested in my life.

But then on the other hand, when she texted me yesterday we were talking about some new clothes that we got. Somehow she then managed to use her new clothes to talk about how some guy hit on her and how she made out with him. Well, So I thought: "Okay , we can be friends. That's fine, not what I wanted but it's early enough for me to not catch too many feelings". So I started telling her about girls that I am talking to and how I wanna meet my partner/girlfriend at a specific place (that's like a dream of mine:stung:). Anyways, when I told her about all these things her answers were like "ok", "I see", "That's nice" and then 5 minutes after I started talking about all the girls (and after texting for around 1 1/2 hours) she suddenly said "I think I have to sleep" and then just said "Anyways Goodnight!".

Okay so? Um, what the hell does she want? So either she does tell me about making out with some random guy and accepts (and supports me) in finding a girlfriend OR she does not tell me about making out with a guy and I don't tell her about finding a girlfriend (or other girls in general).

Thanks for your help.

How do you know her? Work, school? She's talking about guys she's dating, new outfits, etc. you're talking about girls you're dating so it sounds like you're a male-girlfriend or in the friendzone at best. Sounds like you're wasting your time on this nonsense chitchat.

Have you met in person? Why aren't you asking her out if you're interested?

I (21) have been talking to this girl (20) for a few weeks now

she then managed to use her new clothes to talk about how some guy hit on her and how she made out with him.

I started telling her about girls that I am talking to.

What it comes down to is, she wants an ego boost and it's not about her liking you.

She was enjoying letting you know that this guy "wanted" her and possibly expected you to be impressed and/or jealous.

BUT, it's not for the reasons that you think, it doesn't sound like she wants to date you, she just wants an ego boost.

She wants to know that men want her, but she doesn't actually want them back...(at least not you or this other guy she made out with).

Trust me, if a woman likes you, she won't be mentioning other men.

If you do decide to continue talking to her, realize that you are friend zoned or someone she wants as a fan...but not a boyfriend.

How do you know her? Work, school? She's talking about guys she's dating, new outfits, etc. you're talking about girls you're dating so it sounds like you're a male-girlfriend or in the friendzone at best. Sounds like you're wasting your time on this nonsense chitchat.

 

Have you met in person? Why aren't you asking her out if you're interested?

We have met in person, we see each other everyday normally (because of Christmas we can't rn) and it's one of the first times she talks about any guys with me. She never mentioned them when being with me. I don't even know who her ex is or anything about any relationships with guys at all.

What it comes down to is, she wants an ego boost and it's not about her liking you.

 

She was enjoying letting you know that this guy "wanted" her and possibly expected you to be impressed and/or jealous.

 

BUT, it's not for the reasons that you think, it doesn't sound like she wants to date you, she just wants an ego boost.

She wants to know that men want her, but she doesn't actually want them back...(at least not you or this other guy she made out with).

 

Trust me, if a woman likes you, she won't be mentioning other men.

 

If you do decide to continue talking to her, realize that you are friend zoned or someone she wants as a fan...but not a boyfriend.

So how do I tell her to stop texting me then? Honestly, I thought so too and that's why I never text her first. But how do I tell her to stop texting me because ending every conversation does not work. Apparently. Like she still texts me "a lot".

If you want to remain friends, then no need to tell her.

However, if you have feelings for her and are hoping for more, then it's not difficult to block her number.

Sounds harsh but it will spare you a lot of hurt feelings.

Why aren't you asking her out and instead talking about her outfits and guys she's dating? Do you just want a female text buddy? Why not cease the male-girlfriend chitchat and ask out local girls you are talking to? 🩰👠 Next thing you know you'll be shopping for shoes together if you stay on this trajectory.

We have met in person, we see each other everyday normally. Do you go to school together?

I mean, Wiseman is right, you could just bite the bullet and ask her out and see what she says.

It's up to you.

Though, it doesn't feel the best when she's been mentioning other men, I bet. Not the nicest start to any kind of relationship.

But it's up to you if you want to find out for sure where you stand before you block her.

Okay, thanks guys! We go to Uni together.

The problem with blocking her number is: We know each other for a year now. And well, we have been "dating", kinda. Like we got really close (basically everything except sex but touching, etc...). And I asked her out and she said yes. Um but how do I say this. We were supposed to go on a date on Saturday night. Um, so, I might have been drunk the Friday night before and she saw me making out with another girl. The date did not happen anymore. Obviously. (This happened in August).

Anyways, so we started talking again a few weeks ago and I am just wondering If I can try to get close with her again (without messing it up) or not.

And her texting me that much made me feel like "yes" but then her mentioning this other dude made me feel like "no". Although I know she ain't gonna date this other dude since he was only on vacation here.

*facepalm*....really? Oh man.

Okay, well, since she is still talking to you and you want another try, ask her out. It's either going to be a yes or no.

But some serious advice, focus on one girl at a time and don't drink so much if you are going to do things you probably shouldn't be.

You don't need to block her number, you just need to stop the nonsense chitchat and either ask her out or fade away. Stop backpedaling. She's not interested and the biggest indicator of that is she treats you like one of her girlfriends. You never dated so why pretend?

The date did not happen (This happened in August).

*facepalm*....really? Oh man.

 

Okay, well, since she is still talking to you and you want another try, ask her out. It's either going to be a yes or no.

 

But some serious advice, focus on one girl at a time and don't drink so much if you are going to do things you probably shouldn't be.

Yeah... She never admitted to me that she knew about me and the other girl making out. BUT I am close with her best Friend who told me that she knew about it. I don't know why she never told me herself and acted like she didn't know.

You don't need to block her number, you just need to stop the nonsense chitchat and either ask her out or fade away. Stop backpedaling. She's not interested and the biggest indicator of that is she treats you like one of her girlfriends. You never dated so why pretend?

Yeah I will ask her out in the new year and then see how it's gonna go.

I also don't think that she knows that I am interested. I never made it obvious. Everyone tells me I treat her like a friend. I should change that.

Are you really that into her? If you were, it seems like you would've been really excited about the upcoming first date and wouldn't want to make out with another woman, even if drunk.

There's a lot of immature games you two are playing with each other. I don't see much success in a good dating relationship unless you two start acting like the adults you should be growing into.

Either you are into her and ask her out or you are friends and treat her like a friend. So far she thinks you are just a chat buddy and is making out with and dating other boys. So what's the point? Can't you find other girls to date? It's been half a year since you didn't almost ask her out. Why aren't you asking girls out when you're interested in them?

I also don't think that she knows that I am interested. I never made it obvious. Everyone tells me I treat her like a friend. I should change that.

Ok. So make a note now in the new year - after you ask her out, don't make out with another girl. Keep things consistent, you know. See how things go. It's ok (not the end of the world) if she resists or isn't interested in dating you. Move forwards - just keep things consistent.

Are you really that into her? If you were, it seems like you would've been really excited about the upcoming first date and wouldn't want to make out with another woman, even if drunk.

 

There's a lot of immature games you two are playing with each other. I don't see much success in a good dating relationship unless you two start acting like the adults you should be growing into.

So I somehow also have the theory that I am only interested in her because she gives me attention and tries to talk to me etc... Like we went out together once and she asked me to dance 3 times. I said no everytime and then I was jealous because she danced with some other guy. So I do stuff like this a lot. So I don't think I actually liking her as much as I think, if that makes sense? But I definitely feel something for her but sometimes idk if it is strong enough for a relationship

Either you are into her and ask her out or you are friends and treat her like a friend. So far she thinks you are just a chat buddy and is making out with and dating other boys. So what's the point? Can't you find other girls to date? It's been half a year since you didn't almost ask her out. Why aren't you asking girls out when you're interested in them?

Yeah I have to change that. I am not even the one initiating the conversation. But I am the one to end it. From a girls perspective this person does not have interest in her. (maybe that's why she told me about making out with the other boy, because I don't show interest and she hopes that I become more active now?)

Ok. So make a note now in the new year - after you ask her out, don't make out with another girl. Keep things consistent, you know. See how things go. It's ok (not the end of the world) if she resists or isn't interested in dating you. Move forwards - just keep things consistent.

Yes. Yes that was wrong. I admitted that. I never told her that because, well, we weren't dating but yeah I understand.

Ok, you're a 21 y/o college man not an awkward 13 y/o boy. You need to learn to ask young women out on dates and make appropriate conversation. If you are shy join some groups, clubs, organizations, sports, etc at university. Develop some interpersonal and conversation skills. Chitchatting about clothes and other guys with women is nonsense.

I am only interested in her because she gives me attention and tries to talk to me etc... Like we went out together once and she asked me to dance 3 times. I said no everytime and then I was jealous because she danced with some other guy. So I do stuff like this a lot.

Ok, you're a 21 y/o college man not an awkward 13 y/o boy. You need to learn to ask young women out on dates and make appropriate conversation. If you are shy join some groups, clubs, organizations, sports, etc at university. Develop some interpersonal and conversation skills. Chitchatting about clothes and other guys with women is nonsense.

I definetly do not lack social skills in any other way but it's just with girls I am romantically attracted to. Idk why. But it has to change.

Guess that's something for the new year.

Ok it's normal to get tongue-tied around attractive women. Yes make it a New Years resolution to work on talking to all sorts of young women. Say hi, smile, make small talk about classes, events etc and be friendly with them. Practice Practice Practice.

just with girls I am romantically attracted to. Idk why. But it has to change. Guess that's something for the new year.

So I somehow also have the theory that I am only interested in her because she gives me attention and tries to talk to me etc... Like we went out together once and she asked me to dance 3 times. I said no everytime and then I was jealous because she danced with some other guy. So I do stuff like this a lot. So I don't think I actually liking her as much as I think, if that makes sense? But I definitely feel something for her but sometimes idk if it is strong enough for a relationship

Honestly? This does not sound good at all.

This sounds more like you like the idea of her liking you, but you don't actually want her.

She asked you to dance 3 times and you said no?? You should considering leaving this girl alone. You are humiliating her and not treating her well at all.

Honestly? This does not sound good at all.

 

This sounds more like you like the idea of her liking you, but you don't actually want her.

 

She asked you to dance 3 times and you said no?? You should considering leaving this girl alone. You are humiliating her and not treating her well at all.

I should specify that she didn't like ask me to dance as in "dancing alone" more like as in joining her dancing with her and all the friends we were with. Like I was having a beer and texting another friend at the bar and then she came up 3 times grabbing my hand and pulling me to her and her friends to dance and I said "No". I noticed her looking back at me while she was dancing and even when the other guy started dancing with her she kept looking at me.

You see? I know and I feel that there is something and I ask for confirmation that other people think the same. But even IF you would say "This girl definitely likes you" (a lot of friends told me this already), I would not act. Why? Because, as you said, I think I like the idea of her liking me more than I actually like her. And that is dumb. I just hurt her and annoy myself.

Does that make sense?

Seems a bit superficial. Why not get to know her as a person? Otherwise, if she's a bit ehhh to you and you're not really feeling the chemistry, I'd let her go. Sounds very boring in general especially if you're not that attracted to her.

Seems a bit superficial. Why not get to know her as a person? Otherwise, if she's a bit ehhh to you and you're not really feeling the chemistry, I'd let her go. Sounds very boring in general especially if you're not that attracted to her.

You mean "boring" in what kind of way? That she tells me about this guy? Or boring relationship?

So I somehow also have the theory that I am only interested in her because she gives me attention and tries to talk to me etc... Like we went out together once and she asked me to dance 3 times. I said no everytime and then I was jealous because she danced with some other guy. So I do stuff like this a lot. So I don't think I actually liking her as much as I think, if that makes sense? But I definitely feel something for her but sometimes idk if it is strong enough for a relationship

What you've written should be the exact definition of the answer to the question: How do I know if he's just not that into me?

Every time a woman writes in on a forum talking about a guy who's treating her like this, that's the exact answer I give them. He's just not into you. If he was, he'd make that crystal clear.

You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else wanting her either, because her attentions will be diverted elsewhere.

The "friendship" doesn't work for either of you. Best to let it fade away.