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Thread: Asked out a co-worker and now regretting it

  1. #1

    Asked out a co-worker and now regretting it

    Normally I would try to avoid dating coworkers, but in recent weeks there is a girl at my workplace who I've been working with quite a lot, and have found myself falling for her. I also noticed subtle cues in her body language which made me think she might be interested in me (I could have just misinterpreted these).

    Recently it was our work's Christmas party... she looked so hot (like, totally outta-my-league kind of hot). I found myself chatting to her a couple of times but she didn't seem to hang around too long before chatting to other coworkers.

    At one point I think I overheard some of the others ask her if she would sleep with me and think she said yes (it was mainly everybody's loud reaction that I overheard)... a lot of our coworkers have these kinds of conversations.

    Towards the end of the night we were all on the dance floor and, although she wasn't making eye contact, I think she wanted me to dance with her... dancing infront of / near me and threw her hair over one shoulder. I couldn't bring myself to really do anything though as I'm no good in those situations where we're surrounded by our other friends.

    Then at the end of the night she was linking arms with me on the way to the next place... although after a while she did then link arms with another guy (albeit one who isn't single).

    We were chatting on FB quite a bit the next day after I started messaging her, and I eventually suggested going out sometime (I was really reluctant to do so due to us working together, but sorta felt like I had to).

    She eventually replied but with quite a vague response along the lines of 'why not, if there's time' (we are both quite busy over the next couple weeks). But she hasn't replied to my most recent message and I've sorta lost hope in getting one.

    Could it be that I just misinterpreted the whole thing? I also feel like maybe she's put off due to us working together. Or maybe she thinks I'm too shy because I didn't properly make a move on her during the party.

    I'm now dreading going back into work as I feel it's gonna be so awkward...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Leave her alone and date outside of work. Don't drink too much or flirt at office parties. She goes to work to get a paycheck not be chased by horny guys. Stop contacting her before she goes to management with a sexual harassment complaint.
    Originally Posted by reboundreps
    Recently it was our work's Christmas party... she looked so hot.
    But she hasn't replied to my most recent message and I've sorta lost hope in getting one.

  3. #3
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Leave her alone and date outside of work. Don't drink too much or flirt at office parties. She goes to work to get a paycheck not be chased by horny guys. Stop contacting her before she goes to management with a sexual harassment complaint.
    Are you kidding me? Way to massively exaggerate my post.

    I can safely say a sexual harassment complaint is not what I'm worried about right now... nor am I a 'horny guy' who's chasing her

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, then just assume she's simply not interested.
    Originally Posted by reboundreps
    I can safely say a sexual harassment complaint is not what I'm worried about right now... nor am I a 'horny guy' who's chasing her

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    There is no point in regretting asking her out just because it turned out that she is not interested in dating you. Now, you can move on without wondering "what if" so, in a way, it's good that things are now clear regarding her not being interested in more than colleagues. Going back to work is going to be only as awkward as you make it. Based on what you wrote nothing much happened. If you keep it business as usual, as if nothing happened, the whole thing will go away on its own.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Awkwardness fades. What seems cringeworthy now, won't be in merely weeks from now. Just treat her as just another co-worker now, and things will go back to business as usual. And stop communicating with her on Facebook. It will feed your crush. If you want to meet singles your age, try Meetup.com.

  8. #7
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    I think she wanted me to dance with her... dancing infront of / near me and threw her hair over one shoulder
    I wouldn't pay much heed to throwing her hair over one shoulder ..I do this cos I have long hair ( you are the second person to have mentioned hair ...the other one was a girl twirling her hair ) ...

    Anyway it just sounds like party fun to me , getting drunk , socialising , mixing with other people ...

    I wouldn't FB her anymore ..just carry on as normal and it will asll freurn to normal ...unless of course she reaches out to you and says abiut keeping the date . No harm done buddy .

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She was probably hot as in sweaty while dancing. I'm sure any movements with long hair might appear like she's preening especially when a woman is all dolled up for a night out. It's ok. Look, she probably just wanted a nice night out with a few coworkers she could feel safe around and you shouldn't think more of it. I think that was quite gentlemanly of you actually not to have pounced on her or been up in her space the night of. You waited to ask her out.

    She just doesn't seem very interested about the idea of dating you and she should be entitled to that - a choice too. Don't carry this as a chip on your shoulder or get nervous about women in general. Meet others outside of work, join a dating app for example. Meet local women that you don't work with. It might simplify things a lot for you at work.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's good your common sense took over and you didn't do anything. An office party is not a night club, strip club, singles bar or someplace you should try out myths from pickup artist sites such as "she's playing with her hair = she wants you". Act professional and normal at work and date outside of work.
    Originally Posted by reboundreps
    I think she wanted me to dance with her... dancing infront of / near me and threw her hair over one shoulder. I couldn't bring myself to really do anything though as I'm no good in those situations where we're surrounded by our other friends.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by Clio
    There is no point in regretting asking her out just because it turned out that she is not interested in dating you. Now, you can move on without wondering "what if" so, in a way, it's good that things are now clear regarding her not being interested in more than colleagues. Going back to work is going to be only as awkward as you make it. Based on what you wrote nothing much happened. If you keep it business as usual, as if nothing happened, the whole thing will go away on its own.
    Originally Posted by Andrina
    Awkwardness fades. What seems cringeworthy now, won't be in merely weeks from now. Just treat her as just another co-worker now, and things will go back to business as usual. And stop communicating with her on Facebook. It will feed your crush. If you want to meet singles your age, try Meetup.com.
    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    I wouldn't pay much heed to throwing her hair over one shoulder ..I do this cos I have long hair ( you are the second person to have mentioned hair ...the other one was a girl twirling her hair ) ...

    Anyway it just sounds like party fun to me , getting drunk , socialising , mixing with other people ...

    I wouldn't FB her anymore ..just carry on as normal and it will asll freurn to normal ...unless of course she reaches out to you and says abiut keeping the date . No harm done buddy .
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    She was probably hot as in sweaty while dancing. I'm sure any movements with long hair might appear like she's preening especially when a woman is all dolled up for a night out. It's ok. Look, she probably just wanted a nice night out with a few coworkers she could feel safe around and you shouldn't think more of it. I think that was quite gentlemanly of you actually not to have pounced on her or been up in her space the night of. You waited to ask her out.

    She just doesn't seem very interested about the idea of dating you and she should be entitled to that - a choice too. Don't carry this as a chip on your shoulder or get nervous about women in general. Meet others outside of work, join a dating app for example. Meet local women that you don't work with. It might simplify things a lot for you at work.
    Thanks, it seems the best way forward is to just try and forget about it.

    Thankfully she eventually replied to me so I could at least send a friendly smalltalk response back just to make it look as though I'm not bothered... even if I really feel miserable inside

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