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Thread: How do i tell my friend i'm falling in love with her & not lose her as friend

  1. #1

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    How do i tell my friend i'm falling in love with her & not lose her as friend

    I'm 36 m & i have this friend who's 28 f & 8 months pregnant. We have known each other for about 3 years now & the whole time we have both been single, about 12 months ago i realised that i was catching feelings for her so we started to hang out a bit more than usual but then she fell pregnant to a bloke who wants nothing to do with the kid at all & i got a bit jealous so i didnt go there as often for a few weeks. Lately i have been helping her out quite alot more than usual but she still only ever contacts me when she wants/needs something & this does my head in because i think that she only wants me around so i can help her & it makes me feel a little bit used. Neither of us have ever made a move on the other but she definately knows that i have feelings for her but i'm worried that if i make the first move that it might wreck our friendship so i decided to wait for her to make the first move. its been ages now & my feelings just get stronger each day that passes but i dont know what to do? Iv been single for around 4 years now & i'm so sick of being lonely & i really need to find someone for that human touch, I'm so confused & dont know what to do? Everytime i say to myself that "today i am going to tell her exactly how i feel" I end up getting cold feet & backing out for some reason & keep it all to myself. Iv never been good at picking up women, the feeling of being rejected absolutely sucks & hurts like hell so i think thats what stops me from openimng up to her. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Remind yourself that she is using you and should you tell her that you're in love with her, it's a windfall for her because you'll become an instant father and help provide for the child. Do you foresee marriage? What are your intentions? She will want to know eventually if not sooner.

    I would not get too emotional. Instead, think clearly and remain realistic. Don't allow your emotions to cloud your judgment otherwise it is a recipe for disaster.

    Think before you speak and act otherwise you will live to regret it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You know it's probably a no with her and she's not interested in you. You just need to get it off your back and out in the open so that it's not a what if anymore. If that's what you need, yes, get it over and done with. You have to move on - don't stay stuck in this situationship. I wouldn't worry about losing the friendship - it's a contradictory idea. Friends who are meant to be friends with you for awhile don't go poof in a puff of smoke and if they do, so be it. You'll find other friends in the years to come.

    I think you also feel sorry for her because the father of her kid is not taking responsibility like he should. That's fine. Be there for her as a friend but you have to put yourself first and figure out what you need in order to be happy also. Sometimes we part ways from friends not because we want to but because we have to. It would be sad if you stayed in this situation just because you pity her or because you are afraid of rejection. Come on - you can do it.

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    she definitely knows that i have feelings for her
    Did she know this 8 months ago when she slept with some guy other than you?

    If so, it sounds like your feelings are not reciprocated.

    The longer you hang around her, the stronger your feelings become, and the harder the fall will be.

    As Rose says, you need to put it out there, and if it's a "no", act accordingly.

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  6. #5
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    ď Neither of us have ever made a move on the other but she definately knows that i have feelings for herď

    She knows you have feelings for her and she never made a move.
    That very very strongly suggests she has no romantic feelings towards you but also because you donít make a move on her she also knows that she can get whatever she wants out of you.

    The reason you are single all these years is because you are choosing to spend your time with a female that is not interested.

    As soon as you remove her from your life , you will be surprised at how many missed opportunities you had when new ones present themselves in her absence.

    So tell her or donít.
    Either way you need to remove this parasite as I see her.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be careful. She may get back together with the baby dad at some point. Also advise her to get genetic testing and file for child support. He may 'want nothing to do with' the child but he still has financial responsibilities. Her friends and family should be helping her out more if this guy abandoned her while pregnant. What happend four years ago?
    Originally Posted by Lonely36
    I'm 36 m & i have this friend who's 28 f & 8 months pregnant.

    Iv been single for around 4 years now & i'm so sick of being lonely

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    but she still only ever contacts me when she wants/needs something If you had a guy friend who only contacted you when he needed something, wouldn't you let that friendship fade away? Your sexual attraction to her is what keeps you like a moth attracted to intoxicating lights.

    You have to have poor self esteem to want someone who makes you feel used. She feels right to you because subconsciously, you don't think you deserve much, and she fits the bill.

    Stop investing your emotional energy into someone who doesn't make a good friend and wouldn't be a good gf to you. Read articles or books on how to boost your self esteem, and start practicing positive self-talk, and get yourself a makeover to make you feel good about yourself, if you need a new hairstyle, clothing, etc. And then put yourself in places to meet single women your age. Take dance lessons in Tango, or Salsa, or Swing, etc. Join Meetup.com.

    The coming new year is a great time to start anew and to make changes in your life that will benefit you and your goals. Good luck.

  9. #8
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    It sounds like she's not into you sorry. You are in the friend zone! You want more so I think your best course of action is to stop being so available to her. It does sound like she's using you. You might even want to consider ending the friendship!

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If she were into you, this would have been your baby. She knew you were out there and still did not choose to be with you.

    You also said she only contacts you when she needs/wants something. She's using you. This is not a romance, you're a go-fer and not even a would be partner.

    She's not shown any interest and from a woman's point of view, it's not going to happen.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, you two have been friends for 3 or 4 years now so she probably only thinks of you as a friend.

    If you want to find out for sure, go for the first kiss. The friendship might survive that, lol

    Or you could date other women and keep her as a friend?

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