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Thread: Getting to know random girls online

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2017

    Getting to know random girls online

    Just looking for some advice, thank you in advance :)

    I recently got back with an ex whom I was in a serious relationship with, we have been dating exclusively for a few weeks, as he wanted to take the relationship slow and build a strong foundation.

    We spoke about how we will both not be speaking to anyone else. I came to realise he has however continued to speak to random girls online since we've been back together.
    I spoke about this to him yesterday, and explained how it made me feel uncomfortable, as even if he isn't flirting, guys online don't usually try to get to know you as friends, and that to these girls he's coming across as available.

    He explained that he is not speaking to them like that, and that it's usually friends of friends whom he knows of. I told him how I did not care if he spoke to his female friends, but that I didn't understand why he feels the need to get to know random girls online. Something about it doesn't sit right with me, even if there is no flirting involved. He tells me he has no intentions with them and that it would not effect him if he stopped talking to them, and that he would since it's making me uncomfortable.

    Fast forward to today, he is still talking to them and it's making me fume. I have been really off with him today, and am unsure how to handle the situation. I don't know whether I am over-reacting. I don't know if I should bring it up to him, or to shrug it off for now and see how things play out.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Did the relationship end the first time because he was speaking to random girls? Is that why it ended back then?

    It doesn't sound like this guy has learned anything - what's appropriate or not in a relationship. You really shouldn't be having to speak to someone either about whom they can and can't speak to. The cracks are already there - distrust and perhaps a history of inappropriate behaviour.

    This person isn't right for you. I'd cut him loose. No, you are not overreacting. Listen to your gut instincts more and don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Thread: Boyfriend's Instagram habits causing conflicts in relationship -2017
    My boyfriend cheated on me after getting super drunk on a night out last year. We broke up for a few months and recently got back together. -2018
    My boyfriend keeps on commenting back and forth with random girls on twitter and retweeting their photos. I have been finding this uncomfortable and have expressed this to him. -2019
    We spoke about how we will both not be speaking to anyone else. I came to realise he has however continued to speak to random girls online since we've been back together. -Today
    You have a 3-year history of posting on this board about him cheating on you and behaving this way. It's not just that he isn't right "for you," it's that he isn't right for anyone, and won't be until he sorts his issues out on his own. Hint: Most people never do, and clearly he hasn't. Why are you trying to make it work with someone like this? He has shown you exactly who he is, why aren't you believing him?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    He tells you what you want to hear and does the opposite.

    Some girls woukd be ok with his actions , others , like you arenít.

    He sees nothing wrong with it , you do.

    Boundaries are important within a relationship, you have stated yours.
    He is not sticking within the boundaries , so itís up to you what you will and wonít accept.

    The fact is that he will continue to chat to others online and he has basically stated that that is within his defined boundaries.
    If you donít like it , you leave. Simple as that.

    I do wonder how you know he is chatting to girls? Are you snooping? Or does he flat out admit it?


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. On/off relationships are full of conflicts that just build because they are never resolved. Why continue to waste your time on some who "makes you fume"? This is not benign.

    The longer you stay the longer you will ingrain your distrust issues through this type of confirmation bias. You can't trust because you stay with the untrustworthy. Soon you will be so bitter and jealous all the good guys will run.
    Originally Posted by whitesand3
    I recently got back with an ex. he is still talking to them and it's making me fume. I have been really off with him today

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    It's time to haul the garbage to the sidewalk. You've already had your talk with him. He wants to be a harem master so leave him to it. Life is stressful enough to add to it a bf like this who regularly makes you angry. Instead of your soft pillow to land on at the end of the day, as he should be, he's the toxic garbage you need to get rid of ASAP.

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