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Thread: Single after on and off abusive 6 year relationship

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Youíre fresh out of an abusive relationship.

    You have two babies still in diapers.

    You are dealing with sexual harassment from your boss. ( which come on, history of abuse doesnít affect your comprehension of work rules. Report him immediately. )

    Please tell me why you think dating will help... Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    I'm sorry you've been through so much. Did your doctor refer you for therapy? If not, you would do well to get the psychological help you will need to get yourself in tiptop dating shape. You don't want to be looking for a man when you're lonely and suffering or you will just end up with someone like your ex and the shiftless father of your babies. You and they deserve being with a good man that values you but you need to be the best you that you can be so you find a good one.



    No one here can answer that for you but rather than be focusing on that, focus on getting yourself through the PTSD. If he is interested in you, he will ask you out... that's all you need to know. I wouldn't go out with him though, you're not in a good place mentally to be dating right now. You're far too vulnerable.
    Read this again please.

    Focus on your mental health and your babies, men will always be there, focus on you.

  3. #13
    First off let me say I would never choose a man over my children. Im not even looking for a relationship really. Not after everything my ex put me through and some guys I was with before that. Iíve never really been in a good relationship so I am tired of it. I just donít feel like myself after having two babies 16 months apart and just want to feel attractive again. I gained about 50 pounds with both my babies , and was still trying to lose weight after having my first when I found out I was pregnant again. After I gave birth I obviously did not feel attractive because of my weight gain and was still trying to heal from surgery, I was taking care of a newborn and toddler all while my ex was out cheating on me . That mentally messed me up . After I decided to stop the anti depressants I WAS focusing on myself and decided to lose weight , so I lost all my pregnancy weight and 10 pounds more. I would get my nails done and fix my hair but my babies father still neglected us and after over a year of all this and still being single (some guys have asked me out but Iím not interested) I got sick of it and just gave up on my ex. That is why when that guy started looking at me all the time it grabbed my attention and now I wonder if I still got it, if he is attracted to me or if he is just playing me. I just miss feeling a mutual attraction again. I feel crazy trying to read body language trying to figure out if he is into me without me having to ask ..I donít know if he was trying to get my attention or what but I noticed a change of behavior with him.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sadly, with that line of thinking you're bound to fall into iffy and confusing situations. I think you're feeling so incredibly lonely. I'd dig deep and try an connect with deeper parts of yourself, find that validation within you and don't look for it flirting with men at work. It's too unpredictable that way. Continuing the way you are... I think you'll eventually reach some mental break down. Don't do it. Rise above that and find your self-worth in other ways. Even if you're lonely, look for real and fulfilling friendships and choose those over empty words and flirtations with coworkers.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Sadly, with that line of thinking you're bound to fall into iffy and confusing situations. I think you're feeling so incredibly lonely. I'd dig deep and try an connect with deeper parts of yourself, find that validation within you and don't look for it flirting with men at work. It's too unpredictable that way. Continuing the way you are... I think you'll eventually reach some mental break down. Don't do it. Rise above that and find your self-worth in other ways. Even if you're lonely, look for real and fulfilling friendships and choose those over empty words and flirtations with coworkers.
    I agree.

    I think you should also address your attraction to abusive men. You have a pattern and I think it would help if you could get some counseling, or seek a support group. Your self esteem is low and if you started dating you would choose another creep. Focus on your kids and you. Look into dating in a year's time.

    You need to report the guy at work.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to report this to management. Contact an attorney and file a sexual harassment charge. Make sure you go to court on behalf of your children and apply for their child support. Take care of yourself and your kids and stop worrying about dating for a while.
    Originally Posted by Ladyjewel87
    A guy i work with that use to flirt with me started calling me terrible names like sl*ut who*re, thot, fat, ugly , and weird. This name calling has been going on for months

  8. #17
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ladyjewel87
    First off let me say I would never choose a man over my children. Im not even looking for a relationship really. Not after everything my ex put me through and some guys I was with before that. Iíve never really been in a good relationship so I am tired of it. I just donít feel like myself after having two babies 16 months apart and just want to feel attractive again. I gained about 50 pounds with both my babies , and was still trying to lose weight after having my first when I found out I was pregnant again. After I gave birth I obviously did not feel attractive because of my weight gain and was still trying to heal from surgery, I was taking care of a newborn and toddler all while my ex was out cheating on me . That mentally messed me up . After I decided to stop the anti depressants I WAS focusing on myself and decided to lose weight , so I lost all my pregnancy weight and 10 pounds more. I would get my nails done and fix my hair but my babies father still neglected us and after over a year of all this and still being single (some guys have asked me out but Iím not interested) I got sick of it and just gave up on my ex. That is why when that guy started looking at me all the time it grabbed my attention and now I wonder if I still got it, if he is attracted to me or if he is just playing me. I just miss feeling a mutual attraction again. I feel crazy trying to read body language trying to figure out if he is into me without me having to ask ..I donít know if he was trying to get my attention or what but I noticed a change of behavior with him.
    I donít think anyone was accusing you of CHOOSING men over your children, youíre FOCUSING on men instead of your children at a time where itís probably most beneficial to focus on you and your family.

    If you view men and dating negatively youíre just going to keep repeating the same cycle.

    Youíre approaching this out of need. I get the confidence boost flirting at work can bring, I donít date coworkers but I innocently flirt, the confidence boost is fun, but when I first left my own abusive marriage I remember the first male attention I got I latched on like white on rice, it wasnít about dating and enjoying attraction to the opposite sex it was proving myself worthy, that I wasnít broken and it was disastrous. So believe me when I say what I say itís not coming from judgement itís coming from someone whoís been there done that and got the tshirt.

  9. #18
    Sometimes i think the name calling and bad mouthing is actually kind of funny because it has been going on for MONTHS and he is just making himself look crazy by blurting out random insults at me like he has Touretteís (even in front of other people) and I donít react as if I donít even hear anything, because i know that is what he wants , a reaction. He does make me super uncomfortable because I feel like he is trying to turn everybody against me and he just canít control his mouth. But I know he wonít be there long (I hope) because managers donít seem to stay there long. I think he feels entitled to me acknowledging him because heís a supervisor and thinks heís some kind of Casanova but he doesnít deserve my respect so I just act like he doesnít exist and that is why he calls me names.

    I know I shouldnít focus on a guy so much but my life is just one dimensional and doing nothing but working and taking care of two babies for the past 2 years and being alone has gotten boring so for a guy to give me attention that Iím attracted to makes my life feel more exciting ..I just hate that heís a vendor so I barely see him. I am just so rusty from my ex and his abuse that I feel like I am not approachable to him and that I gave him the wrong impression , that I donít like him , because I am scared of being hurt again. I just wish I knew if he was staring at me to check me out because he is attracted or if he was just staring at me to judge me because Iím pretty sure my Abusive boss said something to him .

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why didn't you quit?
    Originally Posted by Ladyjewel87
    I know he wonít be there long (I hope) because managers donít seem to stay there long.

  11. #20
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why didn't you quit?
    Why would I quit ?

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