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Thread: Ex contacted me and offered help

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    My dad was nearly dying when my bf decided it's best to end things between us..
    I had an ex (the one that caused me to join this forum) who dumped me hard (to branch with someone else) a month or so before my mother died.

    I did no contact, and I clamped down on mutual friends and told them NOT to tell her about it.

    I could not, at that time, have calmly dealt with getting the sort of communication you are receiving.

    Tell him, no "No thanks".

  2. #22
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    I am still in a shock because of dad. He was only 70. He was diagnosed less than 2 months ago and cancer just attacked him so quickly.
    Ray, thank you for your advice. I just read your story.
    Catfeeder wrote you such an amazing words ....I found them to be so helpful.
    I am also wondering what is the latest about that lady that brought you to this forum....only if you care to share.

  3. #23
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    No idea really. Zero contact/ (almost) zero information.

    As far as I know she is with the guy she went off with. They could be married with a kid by now, for all I know.

    She respected my wishes and dropped the whole lets be friends rubbish.

    Time really does cure most grief.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    "Thanks so much for your thoughtful offers and for checking in. I'm doing ok and I don't think it's a good idea for us to be in contact at this time. Take care and all the best to you and your family."
    Good response. Then block and delete.

    Sorry for the loos of dad.

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  6. #25
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    I know this may be boring but...
    Little update : after 2 months NC he contacted me and asked how come we let a good relationship end?
    I was actually quite surprised and upset as for me this was all tangled with my dad passing away.
    It wasn't just a break but almost end of my world. I was devastated.
    He sounded breezy. He somehow did not connect this two.
    He sounded cheerful and overly confident. Naturally polite, respectful and charming.
    I reminded him how all happened. He had slightly different recollection of events.

    Bottom line is - he asked for us to overcome this and try again. That relationship was too good to waste it.
    I agreed that it was a shame but I declined the offer.
    He was surprised. A smile that I could hear in his voice was gone but he accepted and wished me well.

    For the last two months all I dreamed off was for him to ask me back. But not like this...not so cocky. Not in a such a confident way.
    Friends say I should be happy that I had an opportunity to decline as he was way too sure of my feelings for him.
    So why I can't sleep and why I feel even worse than when he broke up with me ?
    Why I really feel like I wasted opportunity?
    I am making all the right steps...gym, hobbies ,friends but can't turn the volume off....too loud.
    Did I make the big mistake by rejecting him ?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Good you told him no thanks. Try not to cycle through all this again with him. He may simply be horny, thus the breezy detached attitude.
    Originally Posted by irka000
    He sounded breezy. He sounded cheerful and overly confident. He was surprised. A smile that I could hear in his voice was gone but he accepted and wished me well. Did I make the big mistake by rejecting him ?

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by irka000

    For the last two months all I dreamed off was for him to ask me back. But not like this...not so cocky. Not in a such a confident way.
    Friends say I should be happy that I had an opportunity to decline as he was way too sure of my feelings for him.
    So why I can't sleep and why I feel even worse than when he broke up with me ?
    Why I really feel like I wasted opportunity?
    I am making all the right steps...gym, hobbies ,friends but can't turn the volume off....too loud.
    Did I make the big mistake by rejecting him ?
    Sheeesh. . I don't know what to make of it. But time is on your side. Take some time to mull it over. No doubt this loss is entangled with the loss of your dad, seeing it happened simultaneously.

    That's a lot of emotion to process.

    You've shared with us how much he disappointed you, but there is always another side to one story.
    What is his recollection of what transpired?

  9. #28
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    According to him, I did lash out on him. I was making decisions about going see dad without notifying him but expecting him to be there. He said I made him feel horrible and did not consider him much.
    Back than I apologised for my behaviour. I admitted he was right to be upset but not to break up.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't do this to yourself. He's guilt-tripping you. Don't rehash with him.
    Originally Posted by irka000
    He said I made him feel horrible and did not consider him much.I admitted he was right to be upset but not to break up.

  11. #30
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    Hmm. I don't relate to your telling him he was right to be upset but not to break up? Why do you get to tell someone if they're entitled to feel upset and why do you get to tell someone what his boundaries should be? For him he was upset enough to choose to react by walking away. What if he said to you "you're right to be upset but not right to decline my offer to get back together?" I don't understand this mindset.

  12. 02-06-2020, 09:27 AM

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