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Thread: Ex contacted me and offered help

  1. #11
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do nothing. Focus on yourself, friends and family. This is not a time to bother with him one way or another. Simply let it all go unanswered, no need for a 'we can't be friends' talk. Why unearth all that now?
    This ^^^ is all you need.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Irka, didnít your ex very recently lose someone too?

    Didnít you write a post about starting drama during that time?

    Now heís a monster?

    I must say I donít agree with your assessment at all.

    Take his reaching out as him being a feeling human just as you.

    Time to begin moving forward. Now is not the time to be focused on any of this.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do nothing. Focus on yourself, friends and family. This is not a time to bother with him one way or another. Simply let it all go unanswered, no need for a 'we can't be friends' talk. Why unearth all that now?
    I agree with this ^^^^^

    Additionally, I also think the ex is feeling guilty and that's why he has contacted you. Sorry for your loss, irka. xx

  4. #14
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    Thank you All for your kind words and condolences.
    Much appreciated

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
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    I'm sorry about the loss of your father, irka.

    The fact that your ex ended your relationship while your father was ill....gosh, I can't imagine. Dealing with either ordeal is difficult on their own, nevermind both at the same time.

    However, when reading your previous threads, it's clear you and your ex were not a match.

    In terms of why your ex is reaching out and his purpose behind it is anyone's guess, so I wouldn't waste too much time thinking about it.

    What I would do, however, is consider how to best handle this situation for you (not him - you shouldn't respond because you feel obligated) - whether it's responding in a manner that Batya has suggested above, or not responding at all, as Wiseman has suggested.

    Just do what's best for you. And whatever you decide to do, once you've made up your mind, I'd block and delete his number which will help you with moving on.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by irka000
    Thank you All for your kind words and condolences.
    Much appreciated
    I too am so sorry for your loss!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    His actions before you left showed you were not a priority to him. You were not being selfish. You began to argue because you were upset about his lack of caring, and being hurt often translates to anger.
    It's up to you whether you give him any reply or not. Regardless, I think you should then block and delete his number to prevent him from intruding on your life when you're trying to heal and move on.

    I'm sorry for your father's passing. Take care.
    I got the same idea also as Andrina - 100%.

    I also think that your boyfriend might have been worn thin and feeling neglected or unable to support you during your emotional times during your dad's illness. These situations are not unusual and you'll always be surprised by the reactions of a few in times of need or difficulty. It will be painful as all hell but you'll get through it because there will also be people around you who support and understand you in other ways. I found the help and support in the strangest forms and quiet individuals came out of the woodwork from nowhere whom I'd never paid attention to to look out for me and stay with me during rough times. As much as I want to say to leave room for these types of things you'll never really get used to someone you love letting you down. Just don't carry that chip on your shoulder.

    I'd take time to heal as Andrina has said and this means healing from the break up and processing that anger. I had plenty of anger. Lots and lots of it. Pots of it. Find a support group also if it helps and remember to get back in tune with yourself, carry on doing the things that make you happy.

  9. #18
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    As milly said "you shouldn't respond because you feel obligated". I still say not to respond at all, as Wiseman said. You have enough stress in your life right now. Please take care of yourself.

  10. #19
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    At that time I couldn't get it why he couldn't reschedule drink with a friend he can see at any time or that he didn't want to get together after his xmass lunch. I asked him this one time to consider time together before I will travel. In anger he said that his life does not revolve around me etc. It was so easy for him to say no and offered me some crumbs.
    The more I insisted, he became more resistant. I knew I was pushing at some point.
    He was quite thoughtful bf but only when it came from his initiative. As soon as I asked ....he found a way to be resistant.
    I will leave it ....I guess. I just don't want any fesitve wishes etc.
    Thank you for the advice and support.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Some people don't take instructions or requests very well either... that's not a relationship. It should be a two-way street. He has some maturing to do or both of you just aren't compatible enough over time. I'm sorry, Irka.

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