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Is it possible to maintain new relationship living in different countries


Geniusfish

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We met during my studying abroad but soon it’s going to be ended and I’m coming home.

 

Around 3 moths we’ve been texting and going out a lot, spending time together, he made me meet his friends and family, but we’ve never talked about what’s going to be with us when I leave. When I try to talk about it, he just says something like “when you come back, we’re going to..” or “when I come to your place, you’ll show me..” and so on, but he never actually said something straightforward. And I’m not sure if he wants to maintain real long distance relationship or just be friends? I just want to know in order to try at least, because what if it works, but at the time if he wants to stay friends after I leave I don’t want to ruin our friendship too.

 

What should I do?

 

Thank you!

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Is one of you able to immigrate? Are you willing to go into it for the long haul and all that it entails? Do you both have a big bank account that will afford you to travel back and forth to each other's countries and the transportation fees once in country, food, hotels, etc?

 

Are you looking for a serious relationship as the above that ends in marriage and loads of paperwork?

 

Cause if not, best to start looking for a boyfriend nearby.

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Consider it a fun and romantic fling. He does not want to do long distance...and neither should you. Date local guys when you home. Do not tie yourself or anyone else into a lonely situation like this kind of long distance...He will date local girls when you leave, as he should. If you want to just stay in touch fine, but that may drop off as well.

Around 3 moths we’ve been texting and going out a lot, spending time together, he never actually said something straightforward.
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LDR is difficult. Here are some of the downsides: finding yourselves wondering what the other person is up to. Are they being faithful to you? Are they still feeling the same? If you are faithful to that relationship, how do you go places and do things alone? Your friends don't know or understand that person over there, so can't relate to your attention being drawn away. There's no way to really reach out to them like you did in person. If there's news to share, or something to discuss you have to wait until the time to talk.

It can really be a distraction, your feelings and needs are so much more unmet.

And so are theirs.

If there's a plan in place for you two to be together again soon, and for you to make long term togetherness a reality- maybe more do able, but if you two don't really have a way to do it, so frustrating for you both.

In my experience with this, I know I won't do it again, but in the end it's up to you and him.

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He is avoiding real questions and very lightly suggesting things in the future. Which means he is not invested in an actual long distance relationship but just living in the moment.

 

If he responded honestly to you now you would be breaking up right now. He is just enjoying it until it eventually ends.

I suggest you do the same.

 

When you leave the country the relationship ends. That’s the smart thing to do.

 

Anything else is unrealistic.

 

Enjoy until it’s time to say goodbye.

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You can meet people you have chemistry with no matter where you go in the world. It happened to me plenty when I've traveled. It's usually only meant to be a fun fling, however. The reality is, if it worked out, one person would have to uproot and that brings along a lot of sadness and angst for the person leaving friends and family. And how sad for the grandparents in the different country if children come along, that they only get to see them sparingly.

 

What would I do in your shoes? You're not exclusive. Go back home and stay in touch with him if you'd like, but let him lead the way in efforts in communication--don't put in more effort than him. Date locally if the opportunity arises. Don't visit him first. Let him pay his own way to visit you, if that even happens. You will be able to see how much or how little he invests in the relationship over time. Since you're both young, what usually happens is like the song from Crosby, Stills and Nash, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

 

If you meet a guy locally who you're getting serious with, I'd end the friendship with the foreign guy, as it won't be fair to any new bf for you to stay in contact with a guy you dated. Happy holidays!

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one person would have to uproot and that brings along a lot of sadness and angst for the person leaving friends and family. And how sad for the grandparents in the different country if children come along, that they only get to see them sparingly.

Although I agree with your post, this part sounds sooooo dramatic.

 

OP, from all the couples I've known who had long-distance relationship, only one lasted and they got married this summer. So from what I've seen you've got 2-3% chances.

 

Date locally, I concur.

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Although I agree with your post, this part sounds sooooo dramatic.

 

 

One has to only watch the show 90 Day Fiance to see the turmoil. The Visa process is also stressful, lengthy, and expensive. Plus, if you're an American marrying a foreigner in the U.S., the American is financially responsible for their partner for ten years, even if a divorce happens.

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Although I agree with your post, this part sounds sooooo dramatic.

 

 

One has to only watch the show 90 Day Fiance to see the turmoil. The Visa process is also stressful, lengthy, and expensive. Plus, if you're an American marrying a foreigner in the U.S., the American is financially responsible for their partner for ten years, even if a divorce happens.

 

Well, it's a reasonable law. Actually, it protects dumb guys from bringing foreign gold-diggers and emotionally-dumb women from foreign scumbags. Better be sure that the guy/gal you are bringing is not a tramp.

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We met during my studying abroad but soon it’s going to be ended and I’m coming home.

 

Around 3 moths we’ve been texting and going out a lot, spending time together, he made me meet his friends and family, but we’ve never talked about what’s going to be with us when I leave. When I try to talk about it, he just says something like “when you come back, we’re going to..” or “when I come to your place, you’ll show me..” and so on, but he never actually said something straightforward. And I’m not sure if he wants to maintain real long distance relationship or just be friends? I just want to know in order to try at least, because what if it works, but at the time if he wants to stay friends after I leave I don’t want to ruin our friendship too.

 

What should I do?

 

Thank you!

 

This doesn't sound like a relationship at all. Did you both have sex? Is that where the lines are blurred? What you both seem to be doing is seeing each other casually and hanging out. If he introduced you to his family and friends in an offhand way or it just happened because there was a family event conveniently on the calendar, it really means nothing. Please keep in mind a lot of people are a bit offhand and casual/fluid in the way they enmesh and connect their relationships. It's not a big deal to introduce close friends to family members for instance. You may be overthinking this a great deal.

 

I think his behaviour is lukewarm and friendly only. If you've had sex with him or are fwb be prepared that this will fizzle out when you move away. That's just the reality of things. Don't worry about ruining a friendship. Friends bounce back on their own. You're over-worrying about someone else's actions/reactions that you have no control over. It's not in your best interests and a waste of energy. If it's meant to be, you'll both find a way to be together. Don't chase after someone who's lukewarm about you in the first place.

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