Dating a workaholic

So a month ago I signed up on a dating app my brother recommended. That's how he met his gf. I talked to a few people on the app but one guy caught my eye . We did end up chatting and exchanged phone numbers. He did also tell me hes involved with his work alot. I had no problem with it at first.

Just talking to him on the phone and getting to know him and his family we have an open and honest communication like we can talk for hours nonstop till 4 in the morning. Lol. We have this amazing connection and we did met up and the connection between us was so intense.

Over the past month we've seen each other 3 times only due to both of our work schedules conflict. Our hours dont match, he works sometimes 7 days a week nonstop. And doesnt have a break for himself. The issues is we've already fallen for each other. But dont have time to spend together nor talk on the phone. This has become am issue for both of us. It's been 5 weeks we haven't spoken to one another. I like him alot.

He tells me this is the reason why he cant have a relationship due to his work. At first he told me he wanted long term then he says something else and now I'm confused. I cant seem to get a conversation with him going. We text but it's only 1 or 2 line that's it. And now were having issues.

Please help me and give me a solution to my problem. Thx.

I would let this go.

You never see or talk to him, and this is the honeymoon period. It will get worse.

He is not relationship material. Always follow the actions.

He's not for you.

His work takes priority over you. Either be prepared to always remain secondary or seek a man who has more time for you.

There is no solution if you want to be with him. The only solution for you is to be with a man who knows what work / life balance is.

He tells me this is the reason why he cant have a relationship due to his work. At first he told me he wanted long term then he says something else and now I'm confused.

I'm guessing that initially he thought it would be nice to try and have a relationship alongside work, but now the reality of it has made him realise it's unworkable. He's chosen work over you and he's told you this is what he's done, so best to just leave him be and find someone who wants more from life than work.

Since you are on this app why not date other guys who are interested and c ready willing and able to date you? You haven't spoken or dated in 5 weeks, it's best to delete and block him from dating apps, messaging and social media. No one is that busy. If he had time to chitchat until 4am he had time to date. It sounds like he is dating others after just 3 dates. "Busy" and "work is crazy" are frequent excuses. He doesn't want to date, it's that simple.

Over the past month we've seen each other 3 times It's been 5 weeks we haven't spoken to one another.

I wouldn't judge him as a workaholic. Should he judge you for not seeing him when your work schedule conflicted -when you chose not to make him a priority? I think it's mostly an excuse on his part. I worked like him and I was both passionate about my work and in an highly competitive/intense environment and knew, and acted like, there was way more to life than work. So I dated men who thought my passion and involvement in my work was a positive (like, my husband when we were dating), and who were willing to be accommodating. On my end though I made time, if I wasn't traveling out of town, to see the person at least once a week. Sometimes for a short period of time but I made the time. Just like I made the time, for about 7 years, to show up at 6:30pm at a homeless shelter once a week (yes, that meant leaving the office "early") to read to kids who lived there with their moms. Because I made it a priority. Sometimes I'd head back to the office after 7pm or work from home to make up for the 'lost" time but it was worth it. When people are dedicated to a goal, or to maintaining their values through action, they do it. Pure and simple. And if they can't they bow out or don't take on the goal.

A true workaholic -any kind of aholic -yes avoid -but I cannot stand this throwing around of labels especially by people who are biased, laypeople, and barely know the person. Someone explaining he works a lot and work is a top priority might be a workaholic but might not. Him not seeing you for 5 weeks is because he doesn't want to badly enough. Maybe he also sees that with all your honest conversations you don't get why he's so involved in and passionate about his work.

If a person wants to see you they will find a way.

You can't fix this, he has to be the one to make the sacrifice to not work as much, and well that ain't gonna happen.

If a person wants to see you they will find a way.

Yes this is true.....so far he's not THAT into you to give up makin money.

The problem for you is going to be the damaging long-term storyline you may develop from this - an "amazing connection" from a stranger you met 3 times, and had some long conversations with for a month until he faded out with excuses. The If Only syndrome. A ghost can be anything in your mind because there never was the reality of an actual relationship nor knowing the real person. This will probably impact you when you start to meet other guys and compare them to the thing you thought this was. The solution? Keep using that dating app to meet others so you don't remain stagnant in your life due to this.

Thank you everyone for your advice. I know I should be moving on from this. First off he shouldnt had been on a dating app. He shouldnt had told me he was falling for me. I know this is not normal. I even told him this isnt normal. To go this long without talking. Thanks everyone.

Over the past month we've seen each other 3 times only due to both of our work schedules conflict. Our hours dont match, he works sometimes 7 days a week nonstop. And doesnt have a break for himself. The issues is we've already fallen for each other. But dont have time to spend together nor talk on the phone. This has become am issue for both of us. It's been 5 weeks we haven't spoken to one another.

Fallen for each other? More like you fell for him, because even if he works 7 days a week, he has time to eat and go to the bathroom, so if he wanted to progress the relationship, he'd also have time to put his phone on speaker and talk to you driving to work or home from work, or for 10 minutes during his lunch break.

Was he so charming and seemingly into you on those 3 dates that you two were intimate on any of those meet ups? Could be that he got what he wanted but doesn't want to put in the expected effort it takes to build a meaningful relationship with a woman, and so is letting the connection fade away.

When you don't feel like a priority, you're not. Why sacrifice dating happiness for someone you've probably physically spent a total of 9 hours with? Cut the losers loose as soon as you see it's not working, so you can be free when the treasure comes along. Good luck in finding a good companion in 2020.

Over the past month we've seen each other 3 times only due to both of our work schedules conflict. Our hours dont match, he works sometimes 7 days a week nonstop. And doesnt have a break for himself. The issues is we've already fallen for each other. But dont have time to spend together nor talk on the phone. This has become am issue for both of us. It's been 5 weeks we haven't spoken to one another.

 

Fallen for each other? More like you fell for him, because even if he works 7 days a week, he has time to eat and go to the bathroom. If he wanted to progress the relationship, he'd put his phone on speaker and talk to you driving to work or home from work, or for 10 minutes during his lunch break.

 

Was he so charming and seemingly into you on those 3 dates that you two were intimate on any of those meet ups? Could be that he got what he wanted but doesn't want to put in the expected effort it takes to build a meaningful relationship with a woman, and so is letting the connection fade away.

 

When you don't feel like a priority, you're not. Why sacrifice dating happiness for someone you've probably physically spent a total of 9 hours with? Cut the losers loose as soon as you see it's not working, so you can be free when the treasure comes along. Good luck in finding a good companion in 2020.

Actually he was the first one to tell me he was falling for me. And yes we were intimate with one another. Awww, thank you.

One of those three dates was meeting his family?

I wonder if his family has been pressuring him to "meet a nice girl and settle down".

One of those three dates was meeting his family?

 

 

 

I wonder if his family has been pressuring him to "meet a nice girl and settle down".

No, I never met his family. We talked about meeting each others families down the road but not now.

Let me be quite honest. He doesnt have transportation. He doesnt even has his own car. The only car he drives is his companies truck and he shares the car with his partner. The company he works for has settled him in a hotel because he keeps moving around alot for his job. Not traveling. So he doesnt have his own place except a hotel. We haven't been out on one single date when we met so I ended up driving to his hotel and yes we did sleep together. We were talking on the phone for 2 weeks until I told him I wanted to see him. We shared intimate details and making plans as far as how we wanted to spend our time together but none of that panned out.

I even got pissed off and mad at him for not even being considerate enough to take me out for 1 meal. When I told him I'm hungry and would like to grab something to eat the response i got back was I already ate. And I called him out on it. He knew I was pissed. So from then in it started going downhill. I tried to call it quits many times but it became difficult because I was getting to close to him. When I call him he doesn't pick up his phone. He wasnt like this from before.

When I text him I get only 1 to 2 lines that's it.

This is how it all started.

It's pretty easy to share intimate details with a stranger over the phone. It's a bit like writing in a diary or looking at yourself in the mirror, but with a little more pizzazz since there's kinda sorta another human being reflecting yourself back to you. But it's different than an authentic connection, and perhaps this chapter is just a reminder of that to guide you as you go about the business of seeking connections with others.

Remove the phone banter and flowery proclamations prior to sex, and what do you have here? Not a workaholic with a heart of gold, but a guy who was into booty calls, not dating, and made that crystal clear in words and actions. Sucks, I know. But the moment you are "calling out" a stranger is generally the moment you know you're not getting nearly what you want. Better to just own what you really want, and keep moving toward that, rather than trying to aggressively nudge people to want it by calling them out.

Let me be quite honest. He doesnt have transportation. He doesnt even has his own car. The only car he drives is his companies truck and he shares the car with his partner. The company he works for has settled him in a hotel because he keeps moving around alot for his job. Not traveling. So he doesnt have his own place except a hotel. We haven't been out on one single date when we met so I ended up driving to his hotel and yes we did sleep together. We were talking on the phone for 2 weeks until I told him I wanted to see him. We shared intimate details and making plans as far as how we wanted to spend our time together but none of that panned out.

 

I even got pissed off and mad at him for not even being considerate enough to take me out for 1 meal. When I told him I'm hungry and would like to grab something to eat the response i got back was I already ate. And I called him out on it. He knew I was pissed. So from then in it started going downhill. I tried to call it quits many times but it became difficult because I was getting to close to him. When I call him he doesn't pick up his phone. He wasnt like this from before.

 

When I text him I get only 1 to 2 lines that's it.

This is how it all started.

There is something fishy about this situation.

I don't think it was right for you to expect him to feed you/buy you a meal in the way you put it. If you're hungry, tell the person you need to stop to get something to eat and make it clear you will pay for yourself. If the person won't stop for enough time for you to eat or pick something up to eat then yes that would be thoughtless and rude. You also were fine with hooking up in his hotel room rather than going on a proper date so to then somehow accuse him of not buying you a meal makes little sense. This doesn't sound like a good match and his work situation sounds a bit shady.

I don’t think this man is being honest with you, OP.

His circumstances sound less like a workaholic and more like a guy leading a double life, and hoping his wife or girlfriend doesn’t catch him.

It would be best to move on from this and consider it a fun time. He just wants to be on dating apps for sex. He's homeless? Is he married or living with someone? That is not worth pursuing. Next time use some solid criteria before meeting someone in a hotel for sex.

he doesnt have his own place except a hotel. We haven't been out on one single date when we met so I ended up driving to his hotel and yes we did sleep together.

No, I never met his family. We talked about meeting each others families down the road but not now.

But you wrote this:

"Just talking to him on the phone and getting to know him and his family "

What did you mean by that?

And your additional information sounds like a casual hotel hookup, not a date. He could have taken an Uber or Lyft to meet you at a restaurant.

Not knowing someone and meeting them in a hotel room is dangerous behavior. Always meet in public at least the first few dates, and never make more effort than the guy. You were the one to initially ask to meet with him, and you had to go to him. Expecting him to then step up and treat you to dinner is like putting in a blank DVD and expecting to see a wonderful movie. There was nothing to suggest there was any viable content there.

Learn from your mistakes. I know I made plenty with dating. You gave a no-nothing the special gift of your body. In the future, you might want to consider dating a guy for a longer while before giving that gift, so you don't prematurely bond with someone who isn't into longterm relationships, which it sounds like you're seeking.

There is something fishy about this situation.

 

I don't think it was right for you to expect him to feed you/buy you a meal in the way you put it. If you're hungry, tell the person you need to stop to get something to eat and make it clear you will pay for yourself. If the person won't stop for enough time for you to eat or pick something up to eat then yes that would be thoughtless and rude. You also were fine with hooking up in his hotel room rather than going on a proper date so to then somehow accuse him of not buying you a meal makes little sense. This doesn't sound like a good match and his work situation sounds a bit shady.

I was not expecting him to feed me. I've gotten off work late and wanted to go out a grab a bite to eat. But when he said he already ate, I said that was rude of him okay you ate that's fine at least he could had come with me so I wont have to go alone and eat but myself at denny's it would had been nice of him to offer to come with me and plus I wasnt expecting him to pay for me either just to have company. He hasnt token me out on a first date he could had at least kept me company. And plus I offered to pick him up because of his transportation situation.

I don’t think this man is being honest with you, OP.

 

 

 

His circumstances sound less like a workaholic and more like a guy leading a double life, and hoping his wife or girlfriend doesn’t catch him.

He broke up with his gf a year ago. And I have not seen any women stuff at his place. He was in a 5 year relationship. Also, he doesnt have a wife.

It would be best to move on from this and consider it a fun time. He just wants to be on dating apps for sex. He's homeless? Is he married or living with someone? That is not worth pursuing. Next time use some solid criteria before meeting someone in a hotel for sex.

First of all he told me he was looking for ltr. No, hes not homeless. Hes nor married nor living with someone. Then he changed his mind saying he does not want ltr and because of his work he doesnt want to be tied down. I'm like would you say your looking for one than you say you dont. This is what pisses me off even more. He says he has other priorities in life and relationship is not one of them. This is what pisses me off the most is that why would you be on an dating app lie to people that you want something more when in reality you dont. Its called leading people on. I told him from the get go I want a relationship. I told him I don't trust him and certainly my feelings for him has changed.