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Thread: Husband Things Itís Healthy to be Unfaithful

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    He has shown you who he is and he is not going to change. Time to make an informed choice. Are you OK with him behaving like that for the rest of your life? If yes, agree to an open marriage and stop trying to regulate his cheating. If no, seek legal advice on how to get a divorce on the grounds of infidelity and get professional therapy to address why you stayed on after being cheated multiple times. He is right in that a woman who loves herself would have left him a long time ago. He is going to keep pushing the envelope until you are left with no boundaries uncrossed. Do you really want to stick around for that?

  2. #12
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    The thing is this is such a wonderful relationship because he gets to do what he wants ... so his life is sweet , he has a devoted , loving wife who he manipulates so bad he is actually trying to make you believe he is doing your marriage a favour by been fit and attractive to other women ....he is trying to make that ok ..is this really your best friend ? Is he your best friend when he is having sex with other women ...would you treat your best friend so cruelly ...

    You are so programmed by him that you cannot see this clearly .......

    Then he tells you it will get ugly because he is in law enforcement ! This man is a dirty piece of work .

    You need your parents/siblings/friends around you to help you do this .

  3. #13
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    This really made me angry. This man is the worse kind. I take it this is a serious post....I had to read twice to believe it.
    You are only 30. You can have beautiful life on your own and eventually with someone else who has the same moral compass as you.
    I wonder if he would be ok if you would be going down on other men. Have you discussed that part ?
    Oh I would !
    In 5 years you won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror if you will stay. He only begins. At his 30 he will have more absurd ideas and you will be hurt on regular basis.
    Please ask yourself if you are really fine with an open marriage? Are you ?

  4. #14
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    I am struggling because my parents have faught my whole life and have caused a lot of PTSD in my life... they are going through their worst time and their energy is so toxic. I donít have them for support, and I donít have any siblings and my best friend is my husbands sister. He says if I ever tell his family our business he will leave me. We are supposed to go away with them tomorrow for the holidays.
    I feel like I donít have a support system at all.
    Also I asked him to reverse the roles and he said he doesnít think heíd have a problem with me doing sexual acts with other men, as long as he didnít know about it.
    Omg I have been with this man for 10 years Iím just stunned!!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    he's a cheater. He gets away with it because you let him.

    I doubt he has mental health issues - he just wants to have his cake and eat it too

    I told him I donít think I can be with someone like him anymore and he has challenged me to leave. He says I wonít do it. He says I donít have enough self worth to leave him. He is right, Iím scared. I love my life (so I thought before all this came out) and Iíve been with him for 10 years... this is devastating to me.
    - Yup. Relationships can be tough and require work. If you want to save this, you may have to get tough.

    Get him to counseling, or you may have to use tough love......leave him for a time, or cut off sex - perhaps then he'll get the message and be ready to really listen to you and change.

    If you don't do this, you will live in misery until you finally hate him enough that you will divorce him. And then there is no coming back - ever.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would be calling an attorney today.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    In the past he has been unfaithful to me, twice.
    and yet when he asked you if it would be okay to go on a date like activity with her, you said it would be okay? You, my dear are an enabler. After being unfaithful to you twice, it is quite clear that this man is incapable of being monogamous and unless you start taking side lovers of your own so that you're not so resentful in your enabling, you might as well leave this man and find someone that you are actually compatible with in your sexual preference.

    He's "challenged you to leave" My dear, this man doesn't even love you so it's no wonder that he won't be monogamous. With your inaction you clearly are telling him that you don't give a **&% if he beds other women as long a he doesn't leave YOU.

    Get the professional help you need to either get the strength to leave him OR (not recommended in this case) learn how to enable without resentment of what you enable.

    I apologize for my bluntness but I have very little sympathy for enablers who stay and do nothing be complain or be unhappy while they stay.

    He says if I ever tell his family our business he will leave me.
    Then tell them and let him do the leaving so you can be free to be with someone who doesn't double/triple dip. Get yourself tested for STD's and then go to his mother and ask her for her advice about her son and how to handle his betrayals. Make it look like you're actually wanting to be with him (pretend) and see what they have to say and what he does. If he does leave... don't let him back and immediately seek our a lawyer to help you with your rights and obligations. He is emotionally and mentally abusing you. Get your own therapy for that.

    Adding: Do yourself a great favor and DO NOT allow yourself to become pregnant by this man or you will have to suffer his abuse and threats and manipulation for at least the next 18 years when your child has reached the age of consent to live without yours and your turd of a husband's input and consent.

  9. #18
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Coercion, manipulation and psychological/emotional abuse. Thatís what heís dishing out. As it currently stands you are not a wife, you are a hostage. ďDo exactly as I say and nobody gets hurtĒ (except that it does hurt, doesnít it?)

    Looks like a crossroads to me: stay and accept him as he is or go. Do you see a middle way? Based on your original post I cannot.

  10. #19
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    He challenged you to leave ?
    He is disrespectful and simply cruel. He wouldn't mind if you would be sexual with other men as long as he doesn't know it ?
    I am lost for words....I really hope you will find strength to do what is right for you.
    How do you feel right now ?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Your norm is this type of behaviour so reconditioning yourself won't happen overnight. It's years and years of debilitating and self-sabotaging thoughts or thought patterns. I'm very sorry. The first step means taking care of yourself and acknowledging that you have serious issues with your self-esteem. See someone, talk to someone. This is a total makeover for you and no changes will ever come about until you re-evaluate your entire life.

    Asking him to change isn't likely going to result in any changes. It feels like paper planes on an elephant's back. He knows that you have low self-worth. There are people like that everywhere - opportunists, mad and insane people, psychopaths, sociopaths and manipulators. Take care of yourself and don't expect this person to look out for your best interests.

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