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Thread: How far should you go to apologize??

  1. #11
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    What sort of issues did you forewarn him about?

    What caused the final argument?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Since you've already attempted to reach out to him to sincerely apologize and he's ignoring you, leave it be. Don't bother him anymore. He's done and over you already. He has moved on as should you.

    Don't grovel. All you can do is learn from this bad experience and should there be future partings with others, you will know how to handle it better by treating others with dignity, respect, grace, good manners and diplomacy.

    Many people have regrets. Take it has a harsh lesson learned and don't repeat the same mistake twice. You will be ok.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Since you've already attempted to reach out to him to sincerely apologize and he's ignoring you, leave it be. Don't bother him anymore. He's done and over you already. He has moved on as should you.

    Don't grovel. All you can do is learn from this bad experience and should there be future partings with others, you will know how to handle it better by treating others with dignity, respect, grace, good manners and diplomacy.

    Many people have regrets. Take it has a harsh lesson learned and don't repeat the same mistake twice. You will be ok.
    Yes, this. I tried to apologize to a close friend of about 3 years (classmates, we were adults) and she just wasn't having it-not because my apology wasn't sincere but because she had this twisted version of the situation -truly twisted -that she didn't want to let go of for dear life. And I think in those cases we're not just apologizing we also want to talk it out because we feel blindsided to an extent - not sure if we even know what- or all the things -that offended the person. So that is about us. I had to leave her alone - I learned my lesson. And on my end I refused to interact with a long time close friend because of a last straw situation - she contacted me a year after we went no contact because she found out I'd had a baby. I sent her a polite email then to the effect of expressing my appreciation for her well wishes, wishing her well and telling her very politely that I wasn't in a place to interact further. When she had a baby years later I facebook messaged her with the same sentiment and she replied "thank you". It's sad when a relationship ends but sometimes we can't get all the closure we want.

  4. #14
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    I believe the best way you can *thank him* is by living your best life.
    If you want to show your appreciation, do good and become the best person you can be. Your energy will flow through the universe and perhaps he'll feel it someday.
    Regardless - I think you're right that your obsession might be coming from a place of insecurity. The fact that he doesn't want to acknowledge you in any capacity and negates you as a person does hit the ego hard if you aren't prepared for it (or want it).

    You need to focus inward right now and get EXCITED for your next potential relationship where you WILL become a better partner to someone who is more compatible with you.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member teeEFc's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd be wary of someone who promises grandiose ideas saying that he/she can "deal with anything". It means nothing until it's proven so try not to hang onto empty/unproven promises like this especially two months into a new relationship. It's ok to hope. It's human and you're human. Maybe you were looking for assurances early on - don't do that. Let his actions do the talking and wait for it. Take it easy and let this guy go. If he's willing to make you an option, he's not worth it.

    If you have any issues you feel worth mentioning, it's up to you. Don't hide them in dating and don't cow down into a corner after this experience either. You continue being exactly as you are - honest and upfront and don't settle for anything less either.
    Oooooh! Very good point here RM!
    I didn't even catch that!
    I completely agree - you were kinda set up with his statements in the beginning. I think if you see those 'all encompassing' statements with your next relationship - be a bit more skeptical.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by LadyCaCa
    I was very up front about my issues and he said he could deal with anything I threw at him. In the end he just threw it all back in my face.
    Another reason is that I learned something very valuable for the relationship and I am very grateful to have met him. He changed my life. I want him to know that.
    Why would you care about letting someone you have known for 8 weeks that you learnt something valuable in that 8 weeks and why would you think that person would care?
    You shouldn’t care what they think either!!

    But the thing that stands out to me most is that you said you were “upfront with your issues”
    If you have unresolved issues then you are not in a good position to be dating. So, don’t!! Because this is what happens!

    It doesn’t sound to me like these ” issues” are unresolved , so instead of ignoring them , face them , deal with them and only then consider dating. And do not discuss issues with someone you are still only getting to know.
    Of course in the honeymoon phase people will say it’s fine and that’s anywhere up to a year of dating nevermind 56 days!?

    Take your thoughts to a therapist and stop trying to contact someone who just doesn’t want to know.

    Sorry and good luck!

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I know what it feels like to be the one dumped. When the ex contacted me four months into my healing process, it really pissed me off. I thought How dare he intrude on my life like this when I was just getting to the point of healing and not thinking of him daily. He has set me back to square one.

    I agree with Billie28. You released a warning shot, basically saying, "Prove yourself that you'll endure whatever I'll dish out. This emotional baggage is heavy and I'll be hoisting it from room to room, and stuffing it into your car on our dates." While in the honeymoon stage, his head was in the clouds and your attractiveness made him stick around. When you bailed, he actually showed you he's more together than you and refuses to let the honey draw him back to the stinging dangers of a beehive.

    How he changed your life in 60 days I don't know. You have a lot more to learn to be successful in dating.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes, this. I tried to apologize to a close friend of about 3 years (classmates, we were adults) and she just wasn't having it-not because my apology wasn't sincere but because she had this twisted version of the situation -truly twisted -that she didn't want to let go of for dear life. And I think in those cases we're not just apologizing we also want to talk it out because we feel blindsided to an extent - not sure if we even know what- or all the things -that offended the person. So that is about us. I had to leave her alone - I learned my lesson. And on my end I refused to interact with a long time close friend because of a last straw situation - she contacted me a year after we went no contact because she found out I'd had a baby. I sent her a polite email then to the effect of expressing my appreciation for her well wishes, wishing her well and telling her very politely that I wasn't in a place to interact further. When she had a baby years later I facebook messaged her with the same sentiment and she replied "thank you". It's sad when a relationship ends but sometimes we can't get all the closure we want.
    Yes, unfortunately, not all relationships were meant to be and some end on a bad note. It's the way it is and not everyone is on the same page when it comes to communication. Wires get crossed, there are misunderstandings, lack of comprehension and the relationship ends on bad terms.

    Trying to apologize later, often times fails. By then the other person has since moved on and not willing to revert and revisit their previous, former friendship or relationship.

    A lot of people have regrets and remorse. If a late apology was attempted and failed, it's better to accept the loss and move on. There is nothing left to do. Some people rekindle their friendship or relationship later and others lack interest permanently. Innocence had been lost and there's a loss of desire as well. It's human nature.

    Other times, there was so much bad blood that all the apologies and / or rekindling in the world could never recapture what once was. That part got up and left.

    It happened to me, too. Communication or correspondence ended up polite, brief, well-mannered, impersonal and more businesslike. It's not optimal but at least it's peaceful and civil. It's better than nothing yet it's the best that people can offer due to their mood, mindset and how they feel about their current non-friendship or non-relationship. I've learned to accept it and no longer have unrealistic hopes and wishes anymore. It is what it is.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You were arguing with a guy you only knew for 8 weeks? You are to blame - no one can make you argue.

    Women sometimes want to get even, get the last word in, and be the final rejector - it feels better.

    Why not take the high road and move on with your life?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    You were arguing with a guy you only knew for 8 weeks? You are to blame - no one can make you argue.

    Women sometimes want to get even, get the last word in, and be the final rejector - it feels better.

    Why not take the high road and move on with your life?

    She walked out on him and ended it, he appears to have commenced no contact.

    I am not sure what the complaint here is, you reap what you sow.

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