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Thread: Worst Nightmare Retroactive Jealousy - Gay relationship

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Sunshine1967
    You can't change the past, therefore you should focus on your future and not dwell on his history. It was his prerogative to do what he wanted to while being single, to learn his likes and dislikes, to make him who he is today, to live life how he chose to ...on his way to meeting you! Withholding his past from you was probably due to a bit of embarrassment, and a bit of not wanting to reveal it to you for his own privacy! Must everyone know everything about a person? Asking questions about someone's sexual history and former partners is always hard to hear in any relationship because human nature is to become jealous! I think as long as you get tested for STDs before being sexual with someone new, then being "general" about your past is best rather than spilling all the details! I'm not saying to lie to one another, but just keep it more general! I don't know!
    I would hope that you can get past how much this is bothering you and try to move forward knowing that your boyfriend loves you and that you are good together......
    100% this!

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I've noticed from all your posts Cherylynn that you seem to have quite old-fashioned opinions...Just an observation. OK sure, maybe lying is not good but to be honest it's not exactly necessary to extensively talk about your sexual past. The need to talk about it would be if the person had STD's, had sexual dysfunctions, was sexually abused, or other cases where this is relevant to the relationship. He can't change the fact that he's been with thirty people, it is what it is.

    I agree he probably should have told the truth. But the reason he lied may have been because OP was a virgin and he didn't want to make him feel bad by revealing that he's so sexually experienced. In what way is he dangerous? He was never violent or a criminal, as far as I understand? Yes he did do drugs but he gave them up? People can go through hardships and overcome them. I went through trauma ten years ago and due to that developed an addiction to alcohol. I had the addiction for 1.5 years but I got a lot of help and I got over it. I'm not an alcoholic anymore now. Everyone has a past and they can't change it. If OP wants to continue dating then he needs to accept his bf.

    Also yes maybe being with 30 people at 25 is a lot, but it's also not that common to be a virgin at 23. So both are at an extreme. No offence.
    The problem with lying is that it results in permanent distrust because after being lied to, there's always deep seeded doubt and suspicion within the deep recesses of one's brain. It's very difficult if not most times, impossible to recover from. Being on the receiving end of lying is akin to deceit and betrayal. Most people don't wish to risk experiencing repeated broken rules in a relationship. Hence, in our minds, we tend to walk away; many times permanently. It is human nature regardless of gender.

    OP is disturbed by his boyfriend's rough degrading sex and many casual hookups, his boyfriend's lies about 10 hookups and later his real story becomes 30 hookups. This lack of mental stability is unhealthy and if the OP is unsure, then perhaps he should listen to his gut and take heed. If there are this many complaints, then this boyfriend is incompatible.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Get to a doctor for a checkup and a full STD workup including blood-borne STDs. As far as this guy? Take a break from dating and sex and get yourself sorted out first.

    Read up on the risks and safety measures: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Northwestyes
    he likes rough and degrading sex and had many casual hookups. He initially told me hed been with around 10 people. Ive lost over 10 pounds in a week because of this and I need help.

  4. 12-19-2019, 03:33 PM


  5. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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  7. #15
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Matilda2000
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  8. #16
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The OCD issue still sticks out to me. I don't think we're fully grasping the idea that this person is not able to process or handle cyclical thoughts the same way an ordinary person does. I think he does need to get himself more treatment for that and help medically. OP, this is not the end of the world. Hope you get this sorted.

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