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Thread: Deciding on Having Kids

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with others, the motherhood decision is very heavy and the decision is up to you and your partner, spouse, etc.

    I merely shared my experience with you. I made sure "all my ducks were lined in a row" before deciding to become a mother. I was ready because I married the right man, the love of my life, we are financially set, had an established home life and already purchased several houses. We were able to provide a loving, nurturing home life for our family. I'm very fortunate. Plus, we have supportive relatives and in-laws who reside nearby.

    Had these conditions not been optimal, then no, personally for me, having a baby or children wouldn't have been in the picture.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    One of my closest friends did not want children, but she had an unplanned pregnancy and decided to have the baby. She did not ever feel like she had ' maternal instincts ' either. She had complications, bad PPD, and even suicidal thoughts. She had trouble bonding with her baby. She has told me, and that child is school age now, that the feeling of maternal " instinct " never did happen for her. She loves her children ( she went on to have more ) but she is not happy with her life. She does everything for those kids, but no, it does not bring her the joy so many reassured her would happen. She finds the daily aspects of parenting unrewarding and just keeps waiting for the days her kids are more independent.

    I'm just trying to say that not every parent who changed their mind or followed through on an unplanned pregnancy is happy. Some even regret it.

    You really have to search yourself. Don't worry too much about what others may tell you about their experiences, because everyone is so different.

    I would caution against the messages that you'll magically know what to do, that parenthood will change how you feel about certain things, and the like. It might and it might not. It's more about knowing if you are really wanting and ready for the commitment of a lifetime of care for another person - no matter what may happen.

    Either way you choose, and you are the only one who gets to decide, you have to live with it.
    I agree with avoiding all the cliches and stereotypes -the shoulds. I also agree with focusing solely on the best interests of the child or at least as the top priority in your decision, rather than how much you want a child (meaning if you come to a place where you really want a child). Good luck!!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would help to be in a happy secure committed relationship before thinking about it if you're on the fence. It's not a unilateral decision unless you plan on being a single parent. Do not consider this guy: [Register to see the link]

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Donít have kids unless you are 100% sure. I have an adult son . I always wanted children so I canít speak to never wanting kids.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    It would help to be in a happy secure committed relationship before thinking about it if you're on the fence. It's not a unilateral decision unless you plan on being a single parent. Do not consider this guy: [Register to see the link]
    Oh Hell no. Definitely not with a guy like that. Having kids with him isnít going to fix him or persuade him that youíd stay with him forever.

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