why does he act like I was the one who broke up with him?

Ive posted about this man before.

 

We met up over the weekend. Acted like a couple. He told me:

 

He found it difficult to reply to my texts after the breakup as he would go to work, come home and get into bed to sleep, for like a month, because he felt too low to interact

 

He did not see his friends for three weeks after the breakup, and his family had a welfare call to his house.

 

He stopped doing his hobby (exercise-based) which was good for his mental health.

 

He started smoking weed daily after the breakup

 

He started smoking cigarettes (he has asthma and heart problems)

 

He panicked when I didn't reply to his texts, and then he had to restrain himself from sending me messages.

 

He said everything reminded him of me

 

He said he had panic attacks everyday that I had met someone else, and that it would destroy him

 

He said that if we didn't live so far away from each other, things might be different

 

He is terrified that if we get back together, then the uncertainty that came from the arguments would come again, and that it would go back to day one after the breakup and it would kill him.

 

He told me he didn't want to lose me, that he would never find anyone like me.

 

He was uploading pictures I took of him on our dates saying "I don't know what I miss about summer more" in the last few weeks

 

So I stayed at his at the weekend, and we ended up talking for hours and hours about us and the relationship. He said it was circumstances - stress and distance between where we live - and that he did not have one bad thing to say about the relationship. He said we will meet up again. After he took me home, he uploaded a Instagram story, of him walking in the dark, with the song Happier by Ed Sheeran (which, if you look at the lyrics is probably aimed at me?)

 

I am really confused. I miss him, I told him I loved him at the weekend. I have never been nasty to him. I think I have made it clear that I would still give our relationship another shot. Why does he act like I finished with him?

Where do you get that he's acted like you finished with him?

 

He's simply sad that circumstances don't line up with you two being in a relationship and he's grieving the fact that the relationship didn't have the stuff to keep it together.

He said this:

He said it was circumstances - stress and distance between where we live -

You should take that at face value and do the things YOU need to do to get over him so you can find someone wherein those issues aren't the wedge that keeps you from going forth with one another. The first "thing" you need to do is go zero contact which includes no longer stalking his social media accounts and fantasizing that everything he does is about you. It could be but it does you no good to assume which only keeps you mired in your sadness about the end of things.

Where do you get that he's acted like you finished with him?

 

no longer stalking his social media accounts and fantasizing that everything he does is about you.

 

Okay so I checked his Instagram story 1 hour after he dropped me home and that Ed Sheeran song was his story? Not like I am jumping to conclusions here, I do think that was aimed at me.

Does it matter who broke up with whom? What matters is it wasn't working because of his stress and the distance according to him and his bad habits according to you.

Okay so I checked his Instagram story 1 hour after he dropped me home and that Ed Sheeran song was his story? Not like I am jumping to conclusions here, I do think that was aimed at me.

LIke I said, even if it was aimed at you, following his actions on social media does nothing to help you get over him. He's just processing the breakup that way it seems so in your own best interests, don't read into it as anything other then that. You will stagnate yourself from moving on. He would be with you if he thought he could handle the issues that compelled him to break it off with you.

i didnt mention bad habits

There is an entire list in the first post🤔

i didnt mention bad habits

I think you want to hear that it's worth it to hold on and wait for him, because he is obviously grieving. However, unless he says with certainty that he wants to be in a relationship with you regardless of the challenges, you're merely putting off your own healing. I would recommend taking a step back and collecting yourself. The continued contact is not healthy for either of you.

There is an entire list in the first post🤔

 

That's how he REACTED AFTER the breakup

You are young enough to find someone local and decent. Cut your losses. It doesn't matter how stressed he is. He has friends and family who can help him and can see a doctor/therapist if he wants to. Don't try to fix or change him or play nurse or mom.

 

Is this the same guy you recently started dating?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562148&p=7170604&viewfull=1#post7170604

That's how he REACTED AFTER the breakup

I did a quick browse of your posts since Sept earlier this year and it seems both of you have been in disagreement about a lot of things recently. You've been unhappy with the way he does things and the way he spends his time or takes you forgranted. He also seems impulsive and a poor planner which you had problems with.

 

If I took a guess, I think he's overwhelmed and gone off his rocker with anxiety because of your over-anxious thought patterns and you make him very anxious overall by your constant disappointment in him. You are opinionated (that is ok) but both of you do have a lot of differences. If you tend to micro-manage others or try to change a person too much, it often backfires. It's best to accept that you're both different.

 

You seem to also mount problems upon problems. Is this a coping mechanism or a way for you to seek understanding in confusing situations? I'd visit this thought pattern of yours. The issue here is that both of you should be healing independently after a break up. What you're doing is now looking for a problem in some song lyrics he just posted. I'd see someone (a third party professional or specialist) if you feel you're not able to handle your anxiety or anxious thoughts when you cope with difficult situations.

He acts like that because of loneliness, self-pity, insecurity and fear of the uknown. It's all very self-centred and more about him than about you. By humoring his insecurities you end up remaining stuck in the past. Stay long enough and you will end up serving as his stepping stone to some other woman. Stop playing nurse to his insecurities and start moving on already. He gave up on you and that's the only relevant bit. All other nonsense behaviour is irrelevant at the end of the day.

Eh, your posting history about this guy suggests he's not exactly above trying to manipulate you.

 

That's all I think his current sob stories are, to make you feel bad so he can eventually try to manipulate you again. He's laying it on pretty thick here. Don't take everything he is saying as gospel truth.

I think he's overwhelmed and gone off his rocker with anxiety because of your over-anxious thought patterns and you make him very anxious overall by your constant disappointment in him

 

I do not have over-anxious thought patterns, and I have never expressed disappointment in him - where did you get that from?

I do not have over-anxious thought patterns, and I have never expressed disappointment in him - where did you get that from?

 

Then why worry about the song that was posted or what it meant? I mean the relationship is over, isn't it? Or do you still feel like there's enough there to restart together back again. Wouldn't you rather put your energy to better use and spend more time perhaps on you? How he interprets or gets over the relationship or heals is really his choice and his right - however he wants to do it. I wouldn't let that affect you too much. At the end of the day, everyone is entitled to doing whatever they want. He doesn't seem to be hurting you or harassing you. I think it's a good idea to leave him alone and give yourself a mental break from all this.

I don't worry about what the song meant - 1 hour after dropping me off after spending the night with me, posting a song with the lyrics "Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you

But ain't nobody need you like I do I know that there's others that deserve you But my darling, I am still in love with you" Is obviously directed at me.

 

That's not healing.

 

It's also not healing/not hurtful to tell your ex who you broke up with, that you are "so depressed" and "Unable to get over this" when that partner hasn't really done anything wrong. Fair enough the breakup was circumstantial, but I would have more tact than to use my ex-girlfriend as a sounding board for hurt that she didn't cause, knowing she was going through a bad time too.

 

I understand you get a very limited view of the situation on forums, but I don't think this is a case of "leaving him alone"; I have done so for the 2 months since he broke up with, bar the time he asked to meet up to exchange things (which incidentally, he didn't even bring with him).

 

He is of course entitled to get over it how he wants, but as others have pointed out, the overemotional and self-destructive narrative he was giving me over the weekend of how bad his life has been since we split, isn't fair on me. In fact, it's a narrative I had no part in creating.

the overemotional and self-destructive narrative he was giving me over the weekend of how bad his life has been since we split, isn't fair on me.

Which is why you should put an end to the contact by blocking and deleting him so he can't manipulate you like that ever again. Don't let him use you, to get over you, sista.

Use this an incentive to not get back in touch with him, ever.

 

This wasn't a relationship that was going to last. It's going to be an utter waste of your time trying to figure him out.

When are you going to let this go? Are all of your relationships so disrespectful, one-sided and include so much work?

 

He showed you through his actions-when you were together-that he did not value you: you drove to him, he chose his friends over you- even when you visited- he did not appreciate you playing his personal assistant, and him disrespecting you. What attracts you to this?

 

Have you sought counseing for low self worth? This guy treated you terribly.

Which is why you should put an end to the contact by blocking and deleting him so he can't manipulate you like that ever again. Don't let him use you, to get over you, sista.

 

Good advice, and I hope the OP takes it.

What do friends and family tell you in real life? Would anyone suggest staying with someone like him? What about your therapist? No one can in good conscience suggest based on your description of his treatment of you and multiple problems that this is worth your time. Date decent men, then compare and judge for yourself what shabby/crazy is compared to decent/caring.

I understand you get a very limited view of the situation on forums, but I don't think this is a case of "leaving him alone"

What do friends and family tell you in real life? Would anyone suggest staying with someone like him? What about your therapist? No one can in good conscience suggest based on your description of his treatment of you and multiple problems that this is worth your time. Date decent men, then compare and judge for yourself what shabby/crazy is compared to decent/caring.

 

 

My family obviously tell me to stay away from him.

 

I was referring to the part where a PP said that I should "leave him alone". In the UK, that's an expression which suggests that I am harassing him. Whilst it's true we are in contact, it is reciprocal and usually driven by him. Despite what I post on here (and how pathetic I sound), I don't express any desire/missing him/affection to him or over social media.

 

The advice has been taken though, and this morning I blocked him and deleted his contact details on everything. Hopefully I can start the new year afresh

Excellent. Good call.

My family obviously tell me to stay away from him. this morning I blocked him and deleted his contact details on everything. Hopefully I can start the new year afresh

Yep. Why drag last year's garbage into the new year? On new year's eve toast to a new, shackle free life. It's exciting wondering what the future might hold.

He could genuinely be sad that the relationship didn't work out. Just because it was his idea to end things doesn't mean he was happy about the decision.