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She has me so confused


jprobin72

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I’ve been seeing this girl and getting closer with her lately. In the last two months She’s invited me to go out with her and her sister on her birthday, hang out with her and her family at her house. She even asked me stay with her at her workplace (that her sister owns) to decorate with her and her sisters family for Christmas.

 

I see her a lot, and recently she invited me to do a holiday thing with her family. We ended up hanging out at her sisters house till well after the family thing was over.

 

I invited her to join my family and I for one of our family traditions for Christmas, and she changed her whole work schedule just so she could come.

 

She even talks about things we will do “one day”, or things that I’ll get to do with her family one day.

 

Today she texted me and wanted to know where we both stood in our “relationship”. After which she then told me that “Right now, I just consider you as a friend. I don’t want to jump into anything and I definitely don’t want you to think I’m leading you on.”

 

Especially recently I though her and I had something, but I honestly don’t know anymore. I care about her a lot and that message has me messed up. The “right now” part especially confuses me. I don’t know if she was just trying to tell me we are just friends or if she isn’t ready yet.

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It is the same woman, and I have asked her out on what I thought were dates.

 

I'm sorry to hear this. I agree with Ninja. She's not interested in dating you anymore. For whatever reason she seems to have gone cold. Would you know why? You've spent a lot of time with her. Her tone and choice of words leads me to believe she's seeing someone else or not completely emotionally available. You may be a toy or a rebound for her to pass the time.

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In the future, if someone messages you some major, important topic like this, ask them if they could discuss the subject in person. Texts can be misconstrued and often lack tone. Have a full discussion with her in person if you want to clarify with her what exactly she means. What do you mean you thought you two recently "had something." Have you never held her hand or kissed her? That's awfully slow moving, not making a move for two months, since you're interested in her romantically.

 

If she's not interested in a romance with you, a friendship isn't going to work out since you have a crush on her. It will prevent you from bonding with a woman who actually wants to date you.

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It is the same woman, and I have asked her out on what I thought were dates.

 

What did you think were dates? And did she accept?

 

Asking her on a date would go something like "I've been wanting to see "X" movie/go to "X" restaurant. I would love to take you, would you like to go with me?" Not "want to grab some food?" or "want to hang out and watch a movie?"

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Tell her you like her, romantically. So you can't do the 'friends' thing. Let her know that if she ever re-thinks things, give you a call.

 

Be civil, not angry. A little sad is OK.

 

Then walk away and cut contact.

 

That means no Xmas or birthday messages etc. Give her the gift of missing you.

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I think she's rather smart for being a straight shooter. She's telling you now so there won't be any misunderstanding whatsoever.

 

Either hang on as friends and see if friendship will develop into a relationship someday or call it quits now. End it diplomatically and tell her the truth. Tell her that you thought both of you could be more than friends because this is what you had expected and since she just wants to be friends, this will not work for you. Then, really mean it, ghost, block and delete permanently including social media.

 

If you wish to take the time to hope for the friendship to transform into a relationship, then agree with her, cultivate the friendship and remain patient.

 

A lot of times, people plunge into a relationship without getting to know a person first which is worse IMHO. Then you realize you didn't know who this person was, didn't know their character well and breakup occurs. Better to take it slow and allow the friendship to flourish than have the 'haste makes waste' mindset.

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If you wish to take the time to hope for the friendship to transform into a relationship, then agree with her, cultivate the friendship and remain patient.

 

 

The OP said in his July thread they have known each other since school; this has been going on for at least 8 months now.

 

Hanging in there, after her announcement, is probably just going to cement him into the friendzone.

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Hey jprobin,

 

I can really relate to your story here and in your previous post. In fact, my first posts on this forum found me in a not dissimilar scenario. Im not going to go into an analysis of her actions or yours, or what the true nature of this thing is. Instead, my advice is simple; walk away. This tortuous frame of mind, these mental gymnastics, the over analysis of every invitation; you lose something of yourself in them in my experience. When i told my crush that I wasn't ok with being just friends, it was liberating and took back that part of my mind. It hurt, dont get me wrong, and I still returned to those thoughts sometimes, but i felt stronger and more confident because I had made a decision that I deserved what I wanted, and a year later I met a wonderful woman who I am with now. Back yourself.

 

Good luck,

 

T

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The OP said in his July thread they have known each other since school; this has been going on for at least 8 months now.

 

Hanging in there, after her announcement, is probably just going to cement him into the friendzone.

 

I didn't know about his July thread. Thank you for mentioning it, RayRay63. Well then, I agree, it's best to exit the "friendship" and move on.

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You never asked her out so of course you're just friends. If you want to date someone you have to go on dates. Sitting in the passenger seat being invited and asked all the time sounds like you only wanted to be just friends. And she clearly picked up on that.

-She’s invited me

-She even asked me

-she invited me

She then told me that “Right now, I just consider you as a friend. I don’t want to jump into anything and I definitely don’t want you to think I’m leading you on.”

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