Originally Posted by shelby6811
Ouch. Some things I should clarify, I think. Although I do hang out in that place on Fridays and Saturdays, I don't drink much at all. Two at most. I hang out there for the social part of it, that's all. And I guess if I stopped going and having my two drinks, it might help to lose some of the weight. And yes, I hate that I am heavier than I would like, and it seems like no matter what I do, I can't shake it. It's incredibly frustrating. It's affected me more than I would have thought. I was always the little girl, the size two, and I am disgusted with the shape I'm in now.

I mentioned my sister's beauty as a way to explain that I am fully aware of what real beauty is, and the responses to it. I know it's been hard for her, too. She has talked about people having difficulty getting past her looks.

I have never trusted a man who is that attractive. I've always, as you said, objectified them. I don't know why, it's not something I think about doing, I simply do it. I guess it's a protective mechanism. If I pigeonhole every incredibly good looking man I meet into a player, conceited type, it will put distance between me and them and make it so they can't get close and make me feel awkward or embarrassed.

Interestingly, as an aside, my bartender friend and I were discussing our mutual friends and the party last night and she mentioned that T is not a hook up type guy. She said she had heard that I was being a wingman for my friend, and that T probably wouldn't act on it. Don't I feel like an idiot!

As much as I would like to text him, I can't, as I don't have his number. I asked our mutual friend to give T mine, which he either didn't do, or T has opted not to reach out.
I think this is a great learning moment for you. This was your rehearsal. I'm glad you decided to post your experience on ENA. Folks on here do not hold back.
You say you know what 'beauty' is = what does that mean? Everyone has a different version of what is beautiful. I think you've created an illusion and experienced confirmation bias based on that conceptualization. Don't be so hard on yourself.

As for objectifying men - I think the fact that you recognize that you do this is a step in the right direction. Now, work on WHY you're doing this type of action and what you can do to change it.

I think you just need to get a lot more self esteem - maybe do more for yourself? There's something within you that wants you to feel unworthy and it's damaging your opportunities in life for closeness to others.

I wish you all the best!