Continuing the relationship living apart

I have preciously posted about the strange way my recent relationship has gone and his disinterest in me and today I sort of lost my cool and started to feel angry. I’ve been told by my friends and family I need to tread carefully and that he could be using me. My boyfriend (26m) and myself (26f) broke up about a month ago because he said he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Point blank. Wanted to focus on himself and not be responsible for worrying about anyone else. Well a week went by and I had just signed a 3 month lease at an apartment and was packing the rest of my belongings and such and he showed up at the house. We talked briefly and he agreed to continuing the relationship while living apart. Granted we don’t see each other much and I pretty much leave it up to him if we talk or hang out because after all he is the one that said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Part of me can’t help but wonder if he only agreed to continue the relationship because I had previously refused to be his friend right now due to still being in love with him. So being his friend would do more harm than good. Well last week he did really good at communicating and checking in. Still haven seen him in over a week but I’m respecting his space as best I can. He has said multiple times I’m always welcome to come do my laundry at the house or to come check on our cats whenever as a still have a house key. I have chosen not to do either because the two times I have been at the house since it has been unbearably hard to want to leave. When asked if he thinks it could be possible to live together he simply answers “not right now”. We had previously talked about it being an option when my three month lease is up as living together was never the problem. Although I’m starting to have my doubts that he will ever want me back in the house as he may just like his independence more. (I completely understand and respect whatever he chooses to do for his own well being).

Well today I had gotten frustrated with the seemingly generated generic responses and “cluelessness” to the conversation we had been having. I had mentioned that living alone was not something I enjoyed very much and his response was bland and generic. So I sent him a message basically stating that while I appreciated him working on his communication and checking in but that right now I was struggling with my own emotions and feelings because I miss how endearing and caring his messages used to be. I also stated that I respect that he needs time for himself so I would give him some more space and that he knew how to get ahold of me if he wants to talk. But that right now I was tired of hurting my own feelings and feeling like I was annoying. He messaged me back (surprisingly) and said he was not trying to hurt my feelings, and they were not generated responses, and that I am not annoying. I am not yet ready to cut all ties to this situation but I know at some point enough is enough.

Any words of encouragement or advice are greatly appreciated.

I hope one of these days you'll be really ready to cut it off with him permanently in all ways. In a way, you should continue to lose your cool and feel angry so you'll be done with him for good. I agree with your friends and family. In a way, he is using you because he's not letting you go when he should be man enough to do so. You need to let go of him, too. Both of you are hanging on for nothing. There is no point and it's senseless.

He clearly stated that he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Well, take heed and scram. Point blank. Let him focus on himself, not worry about anyone else and go his own way as you do the same.

And, he said you're always welcome to do your laundry and check on the cats at his house. What a guy!

Return the key to him and never look back. You need to make a clean break. Continuing a "friendship" with him is mentally unhealthy especially for you. It's time to go your separate ways.

Cease all electronic correspondence. No more messages, texts, emails, phone chats nor snail mail either. There is no point continuing contact whatsoever. Ghost, block and delete. (Including social media, too.)

Change the way you think and truly move on. You'll learn to grow strong and tough. Until then, you are weak and you don't ever want to feel weak. Change the way you think! There is no more love once the relationship is over. Love sours and fades away because you're no longer a pair.

Wow!!! What an ass he is!?

You are welcome to come see his cats? They are his cats not “ours” or yours.

Pets are not co owned , that’s just cruel to the pets.

And you can do your laundry there?? Indefinitely? Or until he says you can’t ? Because at some point he will take the key back or change the locks. That will be when he is getting sex elsewhere. And as sad as he is , someone else will have sex with him eventually.

You only were together a year and lived together for most of that? Why?

Never EVER move in with anyone until after the honeymoon phase (about one year) because this is exactly what happens when the honeymoon phase ends!

Extend your lease for one year and don’t break it!

You should not be considering living with him or anyone else in that time.

Block him and get a washing machine or check out the local laundrette already!!!

It’s over!!! I’m sorry it hurts. But rip that band aid off now!

Sorry this is happening. Your friends and family may have a point. He terminated the relationship, asked you to move out but the bonus is you get to continue to let him call the shots and come over to do chores? Try not to settle for this.

You need to accept it's over and he threw you out of the house and out of his life. Stop explaining your feelings to him. he knows but doesn't care. He would rather drink and be alone and hang out with friends. Make an appt with a therapist to sort some things out.

I’ve been told by my friends and family I need to tread carefully and that he could be using me.

broke up about a month ago because he said he just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.

I’m always welcome to come do my laundry at the house or to come check on our cats

I had mentioned that living alone was not something I enjoyed very much

I don't think he wants to be with you in the way you want to be with him. And sending him psychological and analytical texts is not healthy communication on your part. His eyes probably glaze over. Time to get to basics. Either cut him off or if he calls and you feel like responding say to him "We want different things. If you want what I want and change your mind, then call me at that time and if I'm still interested and available I'll consider it." Save the therapy speak and "deep" talk for your friends or loved ones or a therapist if you care to see one.

Also you not enjoying living alone is not his issue. It's yours. And not very motivating to tell someone basically that one reason you want to live with him is because you dislike living alone.

How is he "working on his communication?" What "work" is he doing? Who assigned him this work? You mean that your standard of communication where he checks in with you as much as you require like a good little boy (how it sounds to me) is him doing "work" on his "communication?" Typing to someone to check in and chit chat is easy peasy. It's small talk. Small talk is valuable and can be great and part of a healthy relationship of course but it sounds like you are trying to control him from afar and punish him for not wanting to share living space with you.

He just got back together with you to wean himself off you over time.

I would cut contact. He who breaks it off first feels better about the whole deal.

Stop. Just stop. This is all kinds of wacky and all wrong. You're getting smacked around like a party pinata and you're still there like his personal punching bag. Have more self-respect please and stop associating with this megalomaniac. He's full of it and you just keep feeding him. His head is so fat with nonsense. If you're losing your cool, good. I think you are a doormat. Please don't ever go over and do your laundry at his house. Don't go over, period. This is completely over. Wash your hands off of him and move forward with your life.

I know it hurts. I know it's hard to just cut it all off.

However, as soon as you will do it, you will feel much lighter. If there is any hope for you two to get back together, it will be only when he will feel your absence.

By the time this will happen, you probably won't even need him much.

As others advised, please don't go there. Don't do laundry, see cats etc.

You are prolonging your pain. There are wonderful videos on YouTube about no contact.

Please watch and get stronger.

I promise it's get better before you know it.