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Thread: Should I go no contact

  1. #1
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    Should I go no contact

    I'm not exactly sure what to do. I've been dating a girl now for a few months. Things went well at first but then she grew to be distant. Long story short at first we both wanted something serious but later on she told me she just wanted things to be casual. I asked her if she is still interested in me romantically and she said yes but that she wants no commitment or expectations right now and potentially in the future things could be different. She just wants things to play out as they will. She has been acting nice but distant, the vibe is totally off from where it was before. I'm really into this girl and it's been very hard on me. I'm wondering if I should just drop this girl or hang on and keep hoping things will potentially change. I know what I wrote is quite vague but I didn't want to bother anyone with a long essay. Any insight would be appreciated. Thank you very much.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Dont put your life on hold for anyone. Let this one go, and in due time find another girl who is into you. This girl is not into you.

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    Yes, No Contact would be best. It will help you move past your feelings for her.

    As a woman, I can tell you we don't generally tell a guy we just want to keep things causal when we're really into him. We wouldn't risk another girl snapping him up. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, she's not interested in dating you so it is going to be best to let go and move on from her.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with others. NC (no contact) is best. No sense hanging onto hope. She's not interested so take a hint. It's time to move on.

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    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    Dont put your life on hold for anyone. Let this one go, and in due time find another girl who is into you. This girl is not into you.
    - yup. It's telling me my response it too short. Humf!

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Yes, No Contact would be best. It will help you move past your feelings for her.

    As a woman, I can tell you we don't generally tell a guy we just want to keep things causal when we're really into him. We wouldn't risk another girl snapping him up. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, she's not interested in dating you so it is going to be best to let go and move on from her.
    I completely agree with this.

    She's not interested. It should have stopped right there and you should have taken the hint. Unfortunately she's not interested in seeing you and doesn't think of you in the same way (that you may have thought earlier). Something about you might have turned her off. Don't take this personally. It happens... a lot. To everyone. You deserve to find happiness with someone who values you and isn't inconsistent.

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    If you hang around her "casually" you are in the friendzone*, and that just holds you back from meeting someone better.

    [* I have no idea if her idea of a "casual" thing includes sex; but friends with benefits that she can discard in the blink of an eye is still just friendzone stuff.

    If you are there, hoping for something more to develop, it will be even more hurtful when she falls in love with Mr New Guy and you get the chop chop.]

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    Thanks everyone for the advice. it Was hard to hear of course but I think it helped. She actually called me today and I decided I wasnít going to pick up or contact her. Iím slowly getting over her and so talking to her might just bring me back down which is something I really donít want.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by HeartSounds
    Thanks everyone for the advice. it Was hard to hear of course but I think it helped. She actually called me today and I decided I wasnít going to pick up or contact her. Iím slowly getting over her and so talking to her might just bring me back down which is something I really donít want.
    Good job. I'd also remember or remind myself what she said about wanting something casual. If you're not in that mind frame (and prefer something more serious) it's really all moot. You can wish her well from the bottom of your heart in private (in your head) and say goodbye to the idea of her.

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    Originally Posted by HeartSounds
    Thanks everyone for the advice. it Was hard to hear of course but I think it helped. She actually called me today and I decided I wasnít going to pick up or contact her. Iím slowly getting over her and so talking to her might just bring me back down which is something I really donít want.
    You really have to stick to no contact, breaking it undoes the good work.

    Depending on who you read/listen to, though, some say block/delete them so there is zero contact, and make sure you get zero information.

    Others say do not initiate contact, but be polite to them if they do - and shut it down quickly & nicely. If she starts with the "can't we be friends" stuff, say no, you don't see her that way.

    If she changes her mind she'll find you and tell you.

    Either way, you need to take some self improvement steps now to help you heal from this, and keep yourself busy.

    If you aren't a member of a gym, it's a good time to join one!

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