Commitment

Hello.

I'm 24 years old. I recently moved to a new area after graduating college and starting a new job.

In the past I've dated multiple women anywhere from a couple dates to being in two different relationships that lasted over a year. I never really seemed to have an issue meeting women.

I have a good job, am told I'm a nice respectful guy, I don't think I'm ugly or anything, but I'm only like 5'5". But that is what it is, some women won't talk to me because of it, for others it's not an issue.

I always get asked about why I dont have a girlfriend from friends, family, coworkers, etc.

Like I said I don't have trouble meeting women, but the issue comes into play when we start going on dates. I'll get a date or two in, if I'm lucky then I'll pull myself away. Sometimes I don't even get to the date, I actually cancelled a first date a couple days ago. And it's not like I'm sleeping with the women I'm dating and leaving either. I like to take things slower when it comes to sleeping with women, and feel it only should happen when there are mutual feelings aside from a physical attraction.

I know this sounds like a stupid issue, but I just can't help it. I don't know why, but I'm just afraid to get committed. I've been ran through the ringer in the last two relationships I had. And I never really talked to anyone about how I can't commit myself. Does anyone have any advice on how to concor my fears so I can stop being as pathetic as I sound on here? Haha.

Thank you.

The people that ask you why you don’t have a gf are the people that know the real you.

That is about personality and confidence etc.

perhaps you are confident around those people , friends, colleagues etc.

But are you as confident when it comes to dating and relationships?

I’m guessing not since you mentioned your height?!

You can’t control your height so accept it and let your personality shine.

This has nothing to do with commitment. It’s to do with normal young relationships that run dry. But I’m guessing because of some insecurity about your height you think it’s all about that and focus on the wrong issue. The girls you dated , dated you despite your height. So height has no factor in the demise.

Right??!!

Definitely I'd agree.

That's something I need to stop worrying about. I'm the butt of a lot of jokes between friends and at work, it kind of just became something I got used to hearing about so I just figured that would be how it always is.

But I like what you pointed out about people who get to know me. Which I agree, it seems when people get to know me they always seem to appreciate my company. Do you have any advice on how to ignore the height thing? Lately I've just been getting used to making a joke of it.

Don't think about your height. Think about your mind. I've known short men who were the most popular men in the room because they were not self conscious about their height. They exuded self confidence because they knew they possessed brain power.

You've mentioned that you've since graduated and started a new job. Concentrate on your new job, do a great job and ascend. Be on the fast track and go somewhere in life. When you concentrate on yourself, women will definitely take notice and pursue YOU. This is how it is. Women love intelligent, successful men!

The only difference between you and me is the gender role reversal. I focused on my career, moved up in the world and before I knew it, I suddenly turned heads and had more suitors than I knew what to do with. In fact, I had to decline and tell many of them that I was very busy. This is coming from a lady who never dated in high school and college. NEVER. I never had a boyfriend! I didn't become my own person until later. I didn't even have to try because all I had to do was ooze self confidence. (I eventually married a wonderful husband and have 2 great sons.)

Remember success attracts success. Become successful and prosper. In this world, people appreciate what you do with your life as opposed to focusing on your appearance. They want to know your achievements AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Develop your mind. Make yourself more interesting. Concentrate on your health, get fit, have interests, hobbies, go on outings, join clubs (MeetUps) in your community, get involved with charitable good works (people need you!) surround yourself with moral, very decent, honorable people. Then you will meet women who aren't shallow and superficial. They'll appreciate your character.

Concentrate on yourself. Show the world what you have to offer. A funny thing will happen when you least expect it. Once people sense you are extremely self confident and very busy with your own life, you will have that draw.

Nothing is more attractive than self confidence.

Ok just go on dates and take your time . You don't have to jump into bed.

Like I said I don't have trouble meeting women, but the issue comes into play when we start going on dates. I like to take things slower when it comes to sleeping with women, and feel it only should happen when there are mutual feelings aside from a physical attraction.

So it might be commitment issues or it simply might be that you're jumping in too fast and you scare yourself -you get too intense. My husband is about your height. I basically preferred shorter men. And was delighted at how many women -even petite ones like me - saw height as a dealbreaker -because it increased my dating pool, woo hoo!

See if taking things at a more reasonable pace helps with your anxious feelings. Dating can be a minefield, I know! I always waited to have sex - typically at least 3-4 months and after we were already exclusive. I had a number of serious relationships before marrying at the ripe older age of 42.

Also what specifically scares you? When I had doubts in relationships my fears were: do I love him "enough", am I "in love?" might there be someone better for me? Zero in on what your fears are and then see if you can dissect them into more manageable pieces and explore them from a more objective vantage point. Also be careful about those initial feelings of "she is the one! see! I don't have commitment issues" -because often people who have these fears want it to happen like a car wash -the feeling of rightness to wash over them, and carry them on the wings of love to the altar. Sure it can feel that way, it can work that way - but really to me the best commitments are those made from head and heart so they have far more of a chance of staying power.

Well, if you are still talking about the past two relationships being bad, you may be on the rebound.

Anyway, it's better to be single than in a poor relationship.

Talk to a therapist about your trust issues, as this is not about height.

I think there are aholes everywhere and I'm not surprised if you're being picked on about your height. There are superficial people and if you're with a rough crowd, yes, you'll get picked on from the colour of your shirt to your height to how big your nose is. Your best bet is to stay away from people like that and don't stick your neck out or hang out around jerks or bullies. Maybe the women you're choosing are only looking skin deep. Start evaluating what's important to you.

You don't sound like a bad guy. Just do your own thing and stand proud. Forget the commitment fear or being hung up over it. Anyone who hasn't met the right person will be thinking "oh hell no". It's natural. Be yourself, enjoy dating and getting to know people and things will fall into place.

I find it weird that you mention height as an issue since you have had 2 year-long relationships. I'm almost 6ft and have never had a relationship last that long (Ask me again in April maybe me and my current GF will get there!)

You may be afraid of the commitment... or you may just have not connected strongly with the women you have dated. Most people we meet won't be a match. It's OK to be a bit protective of yourself - relationships can be life altering in both good and bad ways. You are only 24 after all. Don't think of it as something wrong with you, but something you are learning about yourself. Take it slow, and be OK with taking it slow!

Don’t worry about your height. They make fun of it probably because you’re new on the job and you just got into the low end of the pecking order. Once you get to a certain point, it will lessen as people learn to respect you. Ignore the taunts and don’t reward them for making fun of you, but do it politely like just staying silent.

You’re told that you are a nice, respectful guy. Then protect that image and be faithful to it. That’s an asset that many people do not have today. If you like to take things slower when it comes to sleeping with women, that’s also a good trait which some women look for today and by staying the course you might end up being with the right woman for the right reason. Just ignore those who are asking why you have no gf. What do they want, a trophy? If you force yourself into a relationship just to show these people, you might be tied up and end up missing the girl who might be the one you really want.

What about trolling, spamming, scamming?

Hacking, Cloning, Tracking and Spying?

Oddly enough I met someone this last week and we have hit it off really well! Funny enough she's taller then me hahaha.

We have got lunch, coffee, and I've been by her place so far and it all seems to be going well. In the past with other women I probably would have pulled out by now but I really am enjoying getting to know her and spending time with her.