He broke up with because of money

After 2 years and a half , and after he proposed to me he broke up with me because he is not financially stable and he can’t be in this commitment, i beg him not to leave even i told him that i will pay for for whatever he want but he told me he can’t be with me anymore.. i need your opinion in this problem

I need to know more. Is this financial issue a new issue? If not when did you first know that he was concerned about finances? Are you financially stable? Why would you have to pay for whatever he wants - what does he need you to pay for? What does he do for work and what do you do for work? When is your wedding and were you planning a big wedding reception?

What would you like to see happen?

His reason is just a scapegoat. I suspect there are other reasons why. I'm sure in time you will find out.

You should not be willing to pay for everything. Think about your future, you want a partner who can participate financially.

After 2 years and a half , and after he proposed to me he broke up with me because he is not financially stable and he can’t be in this commitment, i beg him not to leave even i told him that i will pay for for whatever he want but he told me he can’t be with me anymore.. i need your opinion in this problem

Money is just an excuse. It is not the real issue, which is probably another woman, or simply that he does not love you.

Never beg somebody to stay with you, never try to bribe somebody to stay with you. It is desperate and unattractive and destroyed whatever respect he had for you.

Learn to respect yourself and only give your time and emotional commitment to somebody who wants to be with you.

I'll go against the grain here. I think he actually did you a favor by breaking up. He's very considerate because he knows he can't give you a happy and fulfilled commitment if he doesn't have the means (i.e., money). You need to feel grateful that he called it quits now instead of later.

You don't want to end up shouldering the majority if not all expenses; not just for a wedding or even a modest one but also monthly survival expenses after marriage! Think of the hardship and struggle he is preventing for you by breaking up with you now.

Granted, he shouldn't have proposed in the first place. However, better to breakup now than later!

If I were you, I'd never want to be with a man who will give me a hard life. I've witnessed enough of that growing up and the poor choice my mother made when she married my father. It's not fun being broke or living paycheck to paycheck or less than that or your having to work like a dog to support him all your life. Think of that nightmare!

You deserve a great man who is a great provider and a man who will give you a smooth, very content life. Shoot for higher goals.

 

If I were you, I'd never want to be with a man who will give me a hard life. I've witnessed enough of that growing up and the poor choice my mother made when she married my father. It's not fun being broke or living paycheck to paycheck or less than that or your having to work like a dog to support him all your life. Think of that nightmare!

 

You deserve a great man who is a great provider and a man who will give you a smooth, very content life. Shoot for higher goals.

Why do you think he would give her a hard life?

We don’t know yet the background story.

It could be a lack of communication re finances , income and expenditure , the sharing of that across two varying salaries? if the op reckons she can pay for anything he wants , maybe that’s the issue? Perhaps she earns more than him and he feels pressure to be the main provider because of general opinions like yours that he should be the provider??

It’s a bit old fashioned don’t you think?

Yes it's not upto the man to give the OP a financially great life. She's responsible for herself and needs to provide for herself first and foremost. If he's a lazy work shy bum then obviously that's no good either but if he works but isn't rich then that's a messed up judgement to make.

Back to the OP I think, like most the others, it's just an excuse. Perhaps he no longer wants to get married, perhaps he's fallen out of love or perhaps he realises he can't offer oy what you want. Only he really knows for sure.

I'd go no contact. Don't offer to pay for everything and never beg. In time the truth usually comes out but if I was you for now I'd concentrate on myself and my healing.

Sorry this has happened..

Why do you think he would give her a hard life?

 

We don’t know yet the background story.

 

It could be a lack of communication re finances , income and expenditure , the sharing of that across two varying salaries? if the op reckons she can pay for anything he wants , maybe that’s the issue? Perhaps she earns more than him and he feels pressure to be the main provider because of general opinions like yours that he should be the provider??

 

It’s a bit old fashioned don’t you think?

The guy admitted he's not financially stable. Those are the key words as "love don't pay the rent."

Having the OP (wife) shoulder the burden for the entire household due to the husband not pulling his weight financially is a recipe for disaster.

No one in their right mind enjoys a life of hardship and struggle. It doesn't sound like matrimonial bliss to me. It's time for a harsh reality check. No sense living in a dream world. Survival is hard.

The guy did the OP a huge favor. Breaking up was a selfless act on his part. He was humble enough to admit that he doesn't have enough money to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle with her. Better to breakup now than realize what a mistake it was to marry. Divorce is legally messy not to mention expensive. (And, if there are kids, it gets even more complicated and costly.)

He's the one who said he's not financially stable and he can't be in this commitment. Well then he does not wish to marry, period.

Is this the same guy?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562939

After 2 years and a half , and after he proposed to me he broke up with me because he is not financially stable

Money is just an excuse. It is not the real issue, which is probably another woman, or simply that he does not love you.

 

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Sometimes it is. Men and women are different - that is why you see some woman expecting a ring after he has met the parents, after they have been together x amount of years, after certain milestones (maybe moving in, maybe other things like 'getting through' a tragedy together) and time have happened. After all the boxes are checked, A young man won't propose despite all of those things if he is trying to figure out his career path, etc., even if he makes more than two pennies to rub together.

If he made a lower income than her, but felt stable, money, you are right, isn't the real issue. But instability - having crazy debts (not a mortgage or student loan, but stupid things), not being able to hold down work, feeling that the floor is dropping - a man won't marry at that point unless she targets fixer uppers and he is willing to go with that.

He doesn't feel like husband material because of not having his crap together. He may love her intensely, but respects her enough to know he can't subject her to him

I do think she is better off honoring his wishes

This is wonderful. You're free! :) Take care of yourself and give yourself room now to feel sad and eventually distance yourself from this idea. You're accustomed to the notion of being with this person and having your life shaped and molded to being together. It takes time to detach and start thinking on your own two feet again with your own independent, fierce self. You can do it. Don't settle and please don't wait around for someone who treats you like an option.

Sometimes it is. Men and women are different - that is why you see some woman expecting a ring after he has met the parents, after they have been together x amount of years, after certain milestones (maybe moving in, maybe other things like 'getting through' a tragedy together) and time have happened. After all the boxes are checked, A young man won't propose despite all of those things if he is trying to figure out his career path, etc., even if he makes more than two pennies to rub together.

 

If he made a lower income than her, but felt stable, money, you are right, isn't the real issue. But instability - having crazy debts (not a mortgage or student loan, but stupid things), not being able to hold down work, feeling that the floor is dropping - a man won't marry at that point unless she targets fixer uppers and he is willing to go with that.

 

He doesn't feel like husband material because of not having his crap together. He may love her intensely, but respects her enough to know he can't subject her to him

 

I do think she is better off honoring his wishes

On the other hand, sometimes when a young man graduates, gets that condo or job, or whatever makes him feel secure or "arrived", he sometimes looks for a wife. It has nothing to do with "time put in as an investment with a man". Some women are willing to wait 12 years for a guy who is not ready to marry and comes to ENA "Should i agree to have a baby with him? or 'still no ring/". And then the next one meets a "ready" guy and in 2 years, they are married.

Why do you think he would give her a hard life?

 

We don’t know yet the background story.

 

It could be a lack of communication re finances , income and expenditure , the sharing of that across two varying salaries? if the op reckons she can pay for anything he wants , maybe that’s the issue? Perhaps she earns more than him and he feels pressure to be the main provider because of general opinions like yours that he should be the provider??

 

It’s a bit old fashioned don’t you think?

I am with Cherlyn. I am not supporting a grown azz man. Nope! I don't expect anyone to support me either. If this is "old fashioned'" then I am old fashioned.

I am with Cherlyn. I am not supporting a grown azz man. Nope! I don't expect anyone to support me either. If this is "old fashioned'" then I am old fashioned.

There is a big difference between being with man who has a lower income, but is smart about money, vs a man that makes bad decisions/is unstable with money. I will take the man who lives within his means, saves money, etc, and makes less than the dude with a big salary who spends like its pouring water out or a guy who is in credit card debt for dumb purchases or can't keep a roof over his head due to poor financial choices.

I really agree that if the guy says he is done, she needs to walk away.