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Online chatting with anxiety


TheDMan05

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I've struggled with social anxiety (possibly avoidant personality disorder) since I was young. Since school I haven't had any lasting friendships, partly because I never used to speak to people much. But also because of anxiety about keeping in touch with people, especially online.

 

I worry about being a nuisance or that I'm boring them. I think that's mainly because I can't see how they are reacting, so I fear the worst. I'm actually much more comfortable talking to people in real life, although that certainly wasn't always the case.

 

At the moment there is someone I'd like to be closer to. We met at university a couple of years ago. I actually asked her out once (during a rare confident phase). She was seeing someone, but we still got on really well afterwards.

 

The problem is, I get anxiety even about the simple things. Like, how often is too often? Or not enough? I find it difficult having real time chats on Facebook, for example, because that feeling of being a nuisance builds pretty quickly. But I worry that one message every day or so will mean she would get bored. I also worry she's too nice a person to stop replying if she doesn't want to talk (she also has some anxiety related to other people's perceptions of her).

 

The last time we had a Facebook conversation (over several days) was just over a month ago. Prior to that it was a year. I've been gearing myself up for messaging her again. I only want to ask about her Christmas plans, like friends do. If we were still at university, I'd just walk up to her and ask her. It's so frustrating!

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Congratulations, you are seeing the inanity of all this. You don't have to get into all the text convo nonsense, particularly if you do better in real life/real-time. On social media or messaging apps a simple word or emoji or two is fine.

 

In fact if you get the all too frequent textaholics you can immediately rule them out. It's a like built in immunity from this obnoxious trend.

 

Post good pics with a line or two here and there. You can also post a comment or two on anyone else's social media. You'll instantly get rid of the ones who are glued to the phone wondering if it's a breakup because you didn't reply 10x a nanosecond or sent this emoji instead of that. If all else fails send a sloth or kangaroo emoji.🦥🦘

I find it difficult having real time chats on Facebook, for example, because that feeling of being a nuisance builds pretty quickly.
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Have you ever got therapy for this anxiety? I know everyone has a certain level of anxiety over some things, but if it's preventing you from having a social life, etc, then it might be time to seek some out. I worked with someone who was a sufferer. The therapy she was receiving seemed to work quite well. She busted out of her shell, got to know everyone I work with, everyone really liked her. I think now that you are trying real hard to push yourself, maybe getting in a few sessions of help could give you the tools to take this even further.

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Have you ever got therapy for this anxiety? I know everyone has a certain level of anxiety over some things, but if it's preventing you from having a social life, etc, then it might be time to seek some out. I worked with someone who was a sufferer. The therapy she was receiving seemed to work quite well. She busted out of her shell, got to know everyone I work with, everyone really liked her. I think now that you are trying real hard to push yourself, maybe getting in a few sessions of help could give you the tools to take this even further.

 

I haven't had therapy. But I'm over the worst of the social anxiety for face to face conversations. I used to go to a lot of Meetup events, but not for a couple of years. Many of the groups I was a member of have either closed, aren't very active or have events I have no interest in.

 

I know I've regressed a little because of that lack of socialising.

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