the love of my love; i thought. turned out to be a fake.

I thought he really loved me. I ended the relationship last year because I was sick of waiting for him to clear his debts to get married. I even told him that if he's a bankrupt i'd still marry him. He came back this year, I thought we had another chance. Checked his email to find out that he not only got married 6 months ago, he got a newborn. Upon confronting, he said it was a fake marriage and that baby wasn't his. Found out that, he cheated on me while we were still together for more than 3 years. He told me it was all for money, since the new wife cleared his debts and the only one he loved the most in his life was me. I know these are all lies, but I met him when i was 23 and now I'm 32. This trauma is too much for me to handle. I thought even if I ended up not getting married, at least I've loved deeply once in my life. But now, it's all a fake. I can't believe i've been such a fool to not know all these was happening right under my nose. Has he ever really loved me? Was i just taken for a ride? But it all felt so real. It is so hard to believe. I can't seem to move on. I've been trying so hard. Help anyone?

Have you seen a therapist?

I think it's very important to find a way to feel positive about life, yourself, the world, etc. and not put your focus on something that someone else chose to do to you (deceive you).

Another important step is learning to forgive yourself. Someone else chose to behave unethically. That doesn't mean YOU were wrong.

Stop blaming yourself! There was no way you could have known. You are normal/think normal, and this sort of behavior from someone that at least acted that they loved you, or possibly loved you, couldn't do such a thing in your mind right?? You don't expect that. I say this guy is a psychopath. The way he thinks is not normal, that's why what he was doing was undetectable by you. It's very possible he did date this woman to get out of debt...who does that? a psychopath. They are con artists, have ulterior motives, manipulate and con people to get what they want. Normal people would get a second job, work overtime or get a better paying job to take down their debt. People like him do things on the opposite end of the spectrum. Shady he does, shady he be. Again stop putting yourself down over this. You are an innocent, a good person, that was taken advantage of by a clever, deceitful con man. There was nothing you could have done, because you didn't know, or see it. You are OK to let this go now.

Make note: This other women may have him and this baby BUT she's now in your shoes. She being manipulated and conned. I doubt contacting her would help. He would find a way to lie himself out of that too. Jerk.

Well wasnt this guy a huge POS. As well as a liar and cheat. This is not your fault, he was a con artist and you got fooled.

Therapy can help you get past this which I really think you should try. Dont let this loser spend any more time in your head.

Well wasnt this guy a huge POS. As well as a liar and cheat. This is not your fault, he was a con artist and you got fooled.

 

Therapy can help you get past this which I really think you should try. Dont let this loser spend any more time in your head.

I agree with this 100^^^. This guy is taking up too much real estate in your head. Every moment you think about how bad he makes you feel, you are letting him win. Please have the confidence to seek out some therapy to work out these feelings. Even if it's just for a few visits. It will make you feel you have some direction, and think more positively about yourself.

Sorry to hear this. He sounds like a real snake. Be glad it's over. Agree some debriefing/short term therapy would help you see that this isn't about you but about a sociopath who scams people. You'll be able to wrap your head around this and find real love. But get some therapy and don't go it alone.

Checked his email to find out that he not only got married 6 months ago, he got a newborn. I met him when i was 23 and now I'm 32.

 

(a) I met him when I was 23 and now I'm 32.

 

(b) He cheated on me while we were still together for more than 3 years.

 

(d) He wouldn't completely commit. [excuses about money]

 

© I ended the relationship (date unclear).

 

(d) He not only got married 6 months ago, he got a newborn. [more excuses about money]

 

(e) He came back this year, and said the only one he loved the most in his life was me.

If you knew about these events as they unfolded at the time, you would have booted this flake a long time ago. See point (b).

It is completely understandable that you feel wounded, betrayed, and hurt by this appalling and dishonest behavior.

Cut this guy off completely.

A couple of therapy sessions might be enough to learn some coping techniques.

For a start, write a list of all his bad behavior, and every time you think of him, read it again.

Stop blaming yourself! There was no way you could have known. You are normal/think normal, and this sort of behavior from someone that at least acted that they loved you, or possibly loved you, couldn't do such a thing in your mind right?? You don't expect that. I say this guy is a psychopath. The way he thinks is not normal, that's why what he was doing was undetectable by you. It's very possible he did date this woman to get out of debt...who does that? a psychopath. They are con artists, have ulterior motives, manipulate and con people to get what they want. Normal people would get a second job, work overtime or get a better paying job to take down their debt. People like him do things on the opposite end of the spectrum. Shady he does, shady he be. Again stop putting yourself down over this. You are an innocent, a good person, that was taken advantage of by a clever, deceitful con man. There was nothing you could have done, because you didn't know, or see it. You are OK to let this go now.

 

Make note: This other women may have him and this baby BUT she's now in your shoes. She being manipulated and conned. I doubt contacting her would help. He would find a way to lie himself out of that too. Jerk.

I agree!!!!

Please seek a therapist.

Been in this situation i know it hurts so much, you cant trust this person anymore, its better to tell him to leave you alone and start focusing on yourself, your growth and your future. Good things will come to you..believe!

Try changing the way you think. Be glad, relieved and grateful that you are not his wife with a baby! His poor wife is actually the unlucky one; not you! You were able to escape! Consider yourself fortunate and getting a second chance!

He's much too young and in the future, don't be with a man who is so much younger than you. The maturity level isn't there and most women mature faster than men.

No, I doubt he really loved you. He's just a kid in a man's body. He hasn't grown up yet.

It's his wife who was taken for a ride. He used her to clean up his debts. Be thankful, it wasn't you who was used to pay off his debts and bear his child!

I'd thank my lucky stars if I were you. Here's your second chance to make a new life for yourself and do it right this time. Run with it, delphiniums! Think positively, create a great life for yourself and make smart choices, too.

Yes this guy was a disgusting individual. You are not responsible for his behaviour, only himself. Really sorry this has happened but you now know what a piece of work he is.

Agree with others, seek out a good therapist to help you work through this all OP.

Try changing the way you think. Be glad, relieved and grateful that you are not his wife with a baby! His poor wife is actually the unlucky one; not you! You were able to escape! Consider yourself fortunate and getting a second chance!

 

He's much too young and in the future, don't be with a man who is so much younger than you. The maturity level isn't there and most women mature faster than men.

 

No, I doubt he really loved you. He's just a kid in a man's body. He hasn't grown up yet.

 

It's his wife who was taken for a ride. He used her to clean up his debts. Be thankful, it wasn't you who was used to pay off his debts and bear his child!

 

I'd thank my lucky stars if I were you. Here's your second chance to make a new life for yourself and do it right this time. Run with it, delphiniums! Think positively, create a great life for yourself and make smart choices, too.

thanks for your advice. he's 45 already by the way. hence not young. Im 32 this year met him when i was 23. :( just felt like i've wasted my whole youth on a sociopath.

hi ray, i only found out he cheated last month when he came back after we broke up for a year. i've always held our memories dear and precious since we've been together for 8 years just feel like my whole life's been a lie.

thanks smackie and everyone here. you guys made me feel better even for awhile. i guess i need to see a therapist.

hi ray, i only found out he cheated last month when he came back after we broke up for a year. i've always held our memories dear and precious since we've been together for 8 years just feel like my whole life's been a lie.

Well now you know.

My point was that that alone would have given you good reason to cut him loose years ago. Now here he is, seemingly trying to cheat on his wife, with you. The man has no shame.

To use a nautical analogy, he is trying to tie his lifeboat to your ship as it sails away. I suggest you drop an anchor on it.