Overly affectionate messaging

What are people’s experiences or affection during the first 6 months of a new relationship?

My understanding is over affection/moving very quickly as a bad sign.

I’m talking real soppy messages. You are my whole world/my missing piece kind of stuff.

I would be afraid of anyone that put that much pressure on me to reciprocate his feelings. Six months? Ya... kinda psycho IMO.

I'm neutral. It depends on what kind of person the person saying it is (ie love languages for each individual). Some people are wordy and like colourful wordy affections. I believe the correct word is passionate. Others think it sounds and appears off key. It all depends on whether the person's actions and other parts of their story make sense and whether you can trust that person. If it sounds straight out of a hallmark card, it's a little goofy but whatever. What's the harm. Are you worried about someone you're seeing?

Lol, if everything goes just right, it only takes a couple of months to fall in love. If you are dating a person longer than that and it's not happening, you are a cereal dater.

Lol, if everything goes just right, it only takes a couple of months to fall in love. If you are dating a person longer than that and it's not happening, you are a cereal dater

Not necessarily. You say that like it's the only answer. You can certainly know you are in lust with someone at the three month mark but whether that lust turns into love? Well, that takes a bit longer, like after you actually know who they are. Besides, a simple 'I love you" gets the message across without the scary, and for too often, more BS than real adjectives.

^^^^^^^I'm not saying that you can't fall a little deeper in the years to come......but basically, if you have a really good relationship, you should be heading into the honeymoon phase of the relationship after 2 months. If you are not seriously attached after 2 months of great dating, and there are no major red flags, it's probably never going to happen and you are just spinning your wheels.

Hey, I understand........many people don't understand how love works.... I see tons of cereal and professional daters who will date a person for months and months casually....and it's because they don't have a serious love interest in sight, and they don't know what else to do.....so they flounder around.

The next time it happens to you and you fall in love, you will know - very quickly. When it goes, it really goes.

They aren’t messages I’ve received.

Messages I’ve seen between a new couple.

Maybe I’ve never felt like that, but I’m pretty sure it’s over affection. Even in the honey moon phase. Rings as a red flag to me, but what do I know.

 

Hey, I understand........many people don't understand how love works....

..I've been through all the stages after being with the same great guy for 40 + years of marital bliss. At three months I knew I was defo in "like" was infatuated and certainly in lust. It wasn't until after the honeymoon stage that I actually was sure that all those things advanced into love from lust.

If after a couple of months he had thrown all those movie star romance adjectives at me, he would have scared me away.

Now, I'm not suggesting people run to the alter at 6 months. I would recommend waiting a couple years to get married.

But love? - Like I said, if everything goes just right, it only takes a couple months to fall in love. And for that matter, to get your heart broken if the relationship does not work out for other reasons.

All that said, I'm only talking about love. Just because you love someone does not mean they are a good catch.

They aren’t messages I’ve received.

Messages I’ve seen between a new couple.

Maybe I’ve never felt like that, but I’m pretty sure it’s over affection. Even in the honey moon phase. Rings as a red flag to me, but what do I know.

I DO believe you are smart to consider it being a red flag.

Lol, if everything goes just right, it only takes a couple of months to fall in love. If you are dating a person longer than that and it's not happening, you are a cereal dater.

I dated a cereal dater. On the fourth date I invited him to my place to hang out after -no, not for sex at all -he knew that! He walked in, looked around, saw my cereal box assortment on the top of the fridge and helped himself to a bowl of cereal (yes, we'd had dinner) without asking. He's the only cereal dater I dated. I thought it was weird and kind of rude.

As for the OP I wouldn't like it at all -it would give me the creeps.

... lol ... ^^^

They aren’t messages I’ve received.

Messages I’ve seen between a new couple.

Maybe I’ve never felt like that, but I’m pretty sure it’s over affection. Even in the honey moon phase. Rings as a red flag to me, but what do I know.

Context matters. None of your business in this case and that's why you're confused. Leave it to them and stop snooping. The messages weren't directed to you and you have no idea what's going on between the both of them.

I dated a cereal dater. On the fourth date I invited him to my place to hang out after -no, not for sex at all -he knew that! He walked in, looked around, saw my cereal box assortment on the top of the fridge and helped himself to a bowl of cereal (yes, we'd had dinner) without asking. He's the only cereal dater I dated. I thought it was weird and kind of rude.

 

As for the OP I wouldn't like it at all -it would give me the creeps.

Well, maybe you could alter your perception of him. Maybe get him to switch to bacon and eggs.

I see some people like this. I always think they're trying too hard to convince themselves (and everyone else, if these are social media posts). But others think it's vitally important to shout their relationship to the world.

Are they the child's mother and her new bf or the other ex and her new bf? Whatever they are and wherever you saw them, it doesn't sound like you and her will be getting back together because this is a 'honeymoon phase' for them.

.They aren’t messages I’ve received. Messages I’ve seen between a new couple.

Well, maybe you could alter your perception of him. Maybe get him to switch to bacon and eggs.

 

I see some people like this. I always think they're trying too hard to convince themselves (and everyone else, if these are social media posts). But others think it's vitally important to shout their relationship to the world.

Yes and I agree! I did alter my perception but no altar was in our future - he was actually quite affectionate and then quite a rude drunk in front of me and his parents on New Year's Eve which was our last date. As far as the OP's follow up post I agree it's none of her business.

Love isn't just an emotion and t takes time. In two months you couldn't know enough about someone to really truly know who they are and what they stand for. I think Gary is thinking infatuation.

Infatuation is what I was thinking. I’ve been infatuated by someone. Mistaken that for love. I think if someone shows you a wonderful time after a particularly bad experience, it’s very comforting.

They aren’t messages I’ve received.

Messages I’ve seen between a new couple.

Maybe I’ve never felt like that, but I’m pretty sure it’s over affection. Even in the honey moon phase. Rings as a red flag to me, but what do I know.

If you're just seeing those messages -how? on social media? or she showed you? that's really irrelevant. You have no context at all. It's like if you overheard the inside jokes my husband and I have without context you would might find it unusual or weird or whatever. And make assumptions about us as a couple which would be wrong. Might you be jealous? I see gushy messages on social media between couples I know are unhappy and a former good friend of mine posted about how her new boyfriend is "the one" and all this over the top stuff. I wouldn't ever share with her my thoughts about her reactions because it's none of my business plus I'm only seeing her description on social media. She also gushed about him in a private message and my only response was "sounds great -good luck!". Again it's none of your business, and sure it might be fun to analyze/consider it but it's fun, not serious and not accurate.

I think that after six months to send gushy messages and say things along the lines of "you're my whole world" is normal. It really just depends if people are looking for something serious or not. I personally want to be in love and to settle down and have a family. I don't think I would continue dating someone after 2-3 months if I didn't feel seriously about them. I think it's OK to express your feelings after six months, as technically the other person should feel the same by that stage. Otherwise there's no point continuing the relationship. When people get put off by sentimental messages is usually when they don't feel the same about that person. So it freaks them out because their feelings are just not on the same level.

Fantasy. I was involved in this and had it done to me, I was both the giver of this affection and the receiver of it: From day 1, literally. I love you. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You’re handsome. It’s fate. It’s destiny. You’re everything I was looking for. Let’s escape together. You’re the love of my life. Liking every social media post and dumping affection on one another. The list went on. And it went on for 4 months.

I ended up finding out she was sleeping with her ex the entire time, and had wanted to work things out with him. So yes, I think they’re fantastical gestures meant to distract from reality, I misinterpreted the behavior as having found my soulmate. The affection takes you somewhere else, you feel in love. You feel like you’re in a romance movie and everything is perfect. But the reality behind the scenes is much different.

Real love takes time

Fantasy. I was involved in this and had it done to me, I was both the giver of this affection and the receiver of it: From day 1, literally. I love you. You’re perfect. You’re beautiful. You’re handsome. It’s fate. It’s destiny. You’re everything I was looking for. Let’s escape together. You’re the love of my life. Liking every social media post and dumping affection on one another. The list went on. And it went on for 4 months.

 

I ended up finding out she was sleeping with her ex the entire time, and had wanted to work things out with him. So yes, I think they’re fantastical gestures meant to distract from reality, I misinterpreted the behavior as having found my soulmate. The affection takes you somewhere else, you feel in love. You feel like you’re in a romance movie and everything is perfect. But the reality behind the scenes is much different.

 

Real love takes time

I'm very sorry that happened to you! Yes real love does take time but usually a couple of months is enough to know whether you are getting strong feelings for that person. Maybe not "in love" but you can feel it's going that way. If you've been exclusive for six months and you both want something serious then I don't see it as fake to say those things. But you are right that it is a red flag if someone begins saying all those things right from the start, when they don't know you that well yet. I think you shouldn't be saying them until at least 1-3 months into dating. And even one month into it you should only be saying it if you've spent a lot of time with that person. Also I think it depends how people express themselves. Some people just don't like to say those mushy things, and some do. Some people like a lot of romance like candles, flowers, watching the sunset, big surprises, and so on. And some people don't. I'm personally pretty romantic so I like it. But some people prefer a more low key relationship where they don't want things to be made a big deal, e.g. their Birthday or Valentine's Day.

I'm very sorry that happened to you! Yes real love does take time but usually a couple of months is enough to know whether you are getting strong feelings for that person. Maybe not "in love" but you can feel it's going that way. If you've been exclusive for six months and you both want something serious then I don't see it as fake to say those things. But you are right that it is a red flag if someone begins saying all those things right from the start, when they don't know you that well yet. I think you shouldn't be saying them until at least 1-3 months into dating. And even one month into it you should only be saying it if you've spent a lot of time with that person. Also I think it depends how people express themselves. Some people just don't like to say those mushy things, and some do. Some people like a lot of romance like candles, flowers, watching the sunset, big surprises, and so on. And some people don't. I'm personally pretty romantic so I like it. But some people prefer a more low key relationship where they don't want things to be made a big deal, e.g. their Birthday or Valentine's Day.

Well yes, kind of, but being smart and responsible with your feelings doesn't mean telling someone you "love them" and they're your "soul mate" early on. You do not know someone, period. You know you feel good, and you're getting dopamine hits, but you don't actually know that person. It's an illusion. In rare occasions, it may turn into an actual relationship, but I believe it would have turned into one regardless of the pace, because sometimes people work out, of course.

But "love bombing" is a warning sign. A massive red flag that is easily overlooked by people who are yearning for love and attention. I was. I thought I had met my soulmate. It was too good to be true, so I believed it. Two responsible adults would have moved slowly, getting to know one another over the course of months, and then years.

I don't think there's anything unusual about professing your love for someone after some months have passed, it will be different for each couple. But I think the general population would admit that this whole idea of instant-love is nonsense, and anyone piling it on really heavy without any foundation of having genuinely gotten to know the person, is setting off a warning siren that something isn't right with them and/or the situation.

Coming on too strong in the beginning is alarming. Sometimes certain people gush too much to the point of being pretentious and then they burnout. People who are more consistent for a long time and then warm up more gradually, tend to be more believable, humble and sincere IMHO.

Beware of charmers. Many times they're wolves in sheep's clothing. Or, they have a Jekkyl 'n Hyde personality. They know how to turn on the charm and then their true ugly, nasty, mean, cruel characters come out later.

Listen to your gut. It's always right. If a person is too good to be true, they're not a real good person based upon my personal experience. I'm always suspicious of any and all over zealous behaviors because it's unnatural and people who act over enthusiastically tend to have ulterior motives up their sleeve; they want something from you. They want to benefit from you somehow and they'll take advantage of you. Be careful. Sneaky people are extremely manipulative and if they have you hypnotized under their spell, you will become their next victim. I hope you can escape unscathed. I have and I was lucky because my mother gave me the heads up, God bless her.

Make sure your radar us. Never trust anyone who goes against the norm in a suspicious way.

It doesn't matter what they are messaging each other. What matters is trying to move on.

She’s moved on into a committed relationship. Been considering stepping back whilst her relationship unfolds.