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Thread: I have walked away from my affair... Is not easy

  1. #1

    I have walked away from my affair... Is not easy

    Hi...

    I have just ended my 6 months affair with a married man... and I'm married as well.

    I met him online.. We chatted for 1 year... Talked about everything... And we exchange message almost daily...and started seeing each other 6 months ago and intimate. We do have our own marriage issues but I know that is not an excuse.

    But like all affair cases....we only meet at his convenient and he will not schedule anything more out of his ordinary work schedule to avoid any suspicion. I didn't know what to expect initially... Infatuation... Feeling alive.. Everything like how a normal affair started..
    ..but after few months... I realised that I couldn't continue being the other woman.. Im a wife myself too.

    I wanted to break it off.. But I really appreciate this friendship.. I regretted meeting up with him... Otherwise we can continue to be online friends forever... someone that I can really talk to and seek advice. I'm also afraid of hurting him..

    As time pass by.. ( into 5-6 months).. I couldn't take it anymore... and it started to drain me.. Although I'm excited to have him around but when I cannot accept being the second woman in another man's life..

    I'm his friend ( I'm the person he called whenever something good or bad happen).. We chatted throughout the day... We both have the same passion in the same field...

    He is also having sex issues in his marriage.. Very similar to one of the member here JustMe2020. He loved his wife very much but sex issues started to tear them apart...and somehow caused him to feel unappreciated by his wife..

    So I managed to fill the missing gap in his life... He is no longer angry with the wife eversince we have been together... And I actually felt quite silly...

    He is upfront with me from the beginning.. we can fill each missing parts in life while still be happy with our spouse..

    I thought I can do this. But I could not accept myself being the second option..

    So that's the brief of my story..

    I ended it when everything is high and good.
    He asked to be just friends.. I said no.
    He tried contacted me for 3 days after I ended it....but I ignore him and gave him a final closure and explaination that I dislike being a second option.

    He replied me that he understands that he understands and respect my decision.

    And our NC begins. It has been a week.

    I miss this person so much... Im not used to not having him in my life. But I know.. the fundamental reason of me ending things is because we are both married to another person...
    Missing him doesn't not mean by action is wrong...


    I hope I can move on.....

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    He is upfront with me from the beginning.. we can fill each missing parts in life while still be happy with our spouse.
    This is a nice way for him to say he will use you for sex but he doesn't want you, he wants his wife.

    In fact, it's not even nice. I'm not sure why you didn't see it before. He's not your "friend". You are his side piece.

  3. #3
    Indeed... I felt so stupid...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I'm glad you ended it.

    Just be sure not to cave when you start to really "miss" him.

    If you need someone to talk to, talk to your husband. Or a sister, trusted friend (NOT him!) or maybe your mother.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member
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    I'm happy to hear that you had the courage to end it. I don't condone cheating (I've never done it) but I understand that people do it for various reasons, albeit, the wrong ones. We all want to be happy and sometimes we look in the wrong places. Ultimately, you did the right thing. I agree with boltnrun regarding talking to your husband, sibling or close friend. Yet another possibility is talking to a therapist. You'd be surprised at how helpful that can be.

    With time, you will move on. It hurts at the beginning (know that this is normal) but you will get there. Give yourself a chance and cherish your marriage. Especially nowadays when the divorce rates are so high. See if you can fix your issues. Best of luck to you, and hang in there.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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