Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: I'm working on my self respect.

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Age
    19
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Female

    I'm working on my self respect.

    A little over a week ago, I realized many males that I was involved had no respect for me. I realized this at first when one male, whom I have fooled around with before, had invited me to hang out. I had not wanted to as I had no real interest in him and preferred it only to be a one-time thing. Well, eventually, he convinced me to come over by asking me for help with classwork. When I came over, he told me he had already finished but then asked if I would give him a blowjob. I left right after he had the nerve to say that. I have to worry about my classes, and this guy was wasting my time trying to get a blowjob? Well, I realized the only reason why anyone even treats me like this is that I allow people to think that by bad-mouthing myself and disrespecting myself as well. Unfortunately, later that night, I went over to someone whom I was very interested in. I have mentioned in other posts that I have gotten high before. This time it was unintentional as he offered me a hit of what I thought was a vape as I have never taken dabs before that moment. So I thought it was just nicotine. I was wrong. It was far more concentrated then what I have ever had, and I was not okay. We ended up having sex. That was the reason why I came over after all. And then He told me he was tired and had to work in the morning. So he dropped me off while I was very high and in no way okay. well in this state of mind I realized this guy that I like had no real interest in me and only saw me as an easy lay. so after this, I decided I need to treat myself with respect. It has been a week of avoiding sexual activity. would anyone give any other advice to help with my self-respect and being able to like myself?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,676
    If you wish to be treated with respect, be careful with how you are presenting yourself to men (in this case and society in general as well). If men think you're a floozie and a tramp, you'll be treated like one. Be careful with social media and the image you are portraying. Don't post anything which says you're a wild child. Be more discreet. Use wise judgement. With your posts, perhaps they think you're a party girl, promiscuous, into recreational drugs and the like. If you want to be treated with respect, act like a lady.

    Don't place yourself in vulnerable situations especially with men whom you don't know and trust well! Someday, you don't want to become a victim of date rape so beware. It happens. Don't be at the wrong place, at the wrong time.

    You're also associating with the wrong, very worldly crowd. Naturally, you're getting just the crumbs of society. Once you hold yourself to a higher standard, you will begin to attract men who are classier and honorable. Change your social scene and go where the winners in the character dept are.

    Look around you. Observe women and men who found "thee one" and figure out where they were when they met and what their social circles were. You need to whittle down your search.

    The key is not only changing yourself for the better. It's also surrounding yourself with the right people who are healthy influences. You're with corrupt people. Be with people who engage in healthy lifestyles and instead of jumping in the sack, they care about your MIND, beliefs and values.

    You sound like a really nice person stuck in the wrong crowd. It's time to get out of the gutter. You deserve it. Then you can start fresh with a new life and people who are good to you as opposed to just using and leaving you. Don't sell yourself cheap.

    You are starting off in the right direction by realizing you need to give yourself self-respect first and foremost. I want you to be treated with respect and dignity.

    Clean up your life, get healthy and you'll like yourself when you're more wholesome and surround yourself with dignified people. Birds of a feather flock together.

    Exercise, join sports groups if you'd like, get involved with a hobby or a hobby group, if you're religious, join a church, volunteer in various ministries, do charitable good works and know that good people know other good people. You need to start somewhere.

    I commend you for changing your attitude and wanting to improve yourself. You'll get there with baby steps.

    Stay away from jerks. Only be with a gentleman or gentlemen who know how to respect women. That's the key.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    1,675
    The first guy who you had fooled around with once before ,asks you to hangout to which you decline.
    Then apparently itís because he wants help with his class work and THAT convinced you to go over? Why???
    Especially since you then said he wasted your time as you have your classes to worry about!? Why did you not consider that before going over? And why would you not say that if he wants help he should come to you not the other way around?

    Second guy, how did you just happen to go to his??? You never said. He invited you over? And for what?

    You said yourself you went over there for sex. Did you invite yourself?
    He dropped you home and only then realise he is not interested in you??

    If a guy is interested in you for more than blow jobs and sex , he will pursue you in a traditional manner. Ask you out on a date. Etc. He would NEVER invite you to his place under any circumstance before dating you.

    Now you say you have a gone a week without sexual activity?
    Iím not sure what that means exactly?? Does it mean you have been single but sexually actively with whoever more than once weekly? So multiple partners?

    And why are you seeking sexual activity? And feel that a week of abstinence is difficult?

    My best guess is that you are interested in being loved and accepted by a partner and have no idea how to get that?
    My advice can only be to love yourself first. Until you do , no one else will. It sounds so cliche I know!

    Do you have female friends? True ones? Hobbies?

    You need to stop entertaining men in the manner you do. Stop feeling temporarily good about yourself by a mere text from a male. And feel better about yourself by surrounding yourself with friends (female) who have no other agenda.

    Good luck!!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,661
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. You didn't "allow him to think that". An 18 y/o male is just thinking that anyway. Don't date until you're ready and go out on dates. Before you continue experimenting you need to go to a doctor/clinic and get birth control and STD info. Read up on STDs and teen pregnancy.

    That should curb your interest in random hookups. Stay away from drinking and drugs and don't take whatever anyone offers you. If you have problems at home talk to a trusted adult about what's going on.
    Originally Posted by Sm ms horror
    asked if I would give him a blowjob. I realized the only reason why anyone even treats me like this is that I allow people to think that by bad-mouthing myself and disrespecting myself as well.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,539
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Sm ms horror
    I decided I need to treat myself with respect. It has been a week of avoiding sexual activity. would anyone give any other advice to help with my self-respect and being able to like myself?
    I think you're off to a good start. Don't let yourself be defined by your past behavior. As you see here, other people will try to keep you in that category, especially when they are horny young men looking for quick and easy sexual gratification from a past willing participant. They may not take kindly to your change of heart, and they may try to shame you into staying in that category. They may try to ruin your reputation with other people. You must tune that out. Just turn off the switch. Don't hang out with them anymore. Don't hang out with their sympathizers. Don't hang out with anyone who looks at you as a sex object. Cut those people off. They don't appreciate you and they don't deserve to be around you.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Age
    19
    Posts
    6
    Gender
    Female
    thank you for your advice. I don't think I could join more clubs or anything I'm already on an activity board, suicide prevention/ mental health awareness club, astronomy club, and a diversity club. I'm applying for an RA position, and I'm in two DnD campaigns. but for the rest, I think you're right I do need to work on other things such as working out and trying to surround myself with better people. though that seems hard as the few people I know the people who are the most put together are very pretentious and rude or they really are quite boring. There are some that I could spend more time though its a small group of friends who really care but they still have ties to "the crumbs of society" you mentioned. that's one thing that I would hate to consider though because in a way I feel I would sound just as pretentious as the people I cannot stand and would hate myself more if I was like that. I may hate myself quite a bit due to my promiscuous behavior but I can at least be proud of the fact that I am known for being kind and caring. but again thank you for your advice It will be helpful for being happier with myself.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    29
    Posts
    1,963
    Gender
    Female
    Don't go to peoples' places unless you've dated them for at least a month (at least 5 or 6 dates)
    Don't just jump into bed with guys and be so easily swayed. We do teach others how to treat us and you're being wayyy too casual right now with your body.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •