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Thread: Friend keeps inviting herself to things I have on?

  1. #1
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    Friend keeps inviting herself to things I have on?

    I'm going to an end of year even with a big bunch of my friends, and it's been a tradition for a few years. I had dinner with a friend yesterday that's now asking if she can come. But the thing is, she has only met maybe 3 of my other friends and only one she's actually talked to more. They're acquaintances as best. It's meant to be a group thing-our group thing and I don't know what to reply back with?

    I don't think anyone would really want other people that are more random to come and it'll make it awkward if she was there, so what should I say?

    She's been to dinner with a few of us, but this isn't one of those people can just come situations. :S

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    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I'm going to an end of year even with a big bunch of my friends, and it's been a tradition for a few years. I had dinner with a friend yesterday that's now asking if she can come. But the thing is, she has only met maybe 3 of my other friends and only one she's actually talked to more. They're acquaintances as best. It's meant to be a group thing-our group thing and I don't know what to reply back with?

    I don't think anyone would really want other people to come and it'll make it awkward if she was there, so what should I say?

    She's been to dinner with a few of us, but this isn't one of those people can just come situations. :S
    How about just "no"
    what about not talking about it so much to her? If you don't want people to ask to go, don't make it sound like its so great/go into detail about your plans that they are not invited to?

    you can also say "i am sorry, but its not my party to invite people to."

    But on the other hand you are saying "its for YOUR group only". who is your group? Have these people been the same for years or have some friends moved and new people come in? Would it be that bad to say "hey, you remember MaryJo who we had lunch with? What about asking her to join us?" Why not be an includer? You are not just having her show up, but are asking the deciders if its okay

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    She asked me what I was doing for the weekend and I mentioned it. And you'd think someone has common sense not to just ask to come when it's pretty clear it's a close group thing. 😅

    Oh I have groups of friends I hang out with - one of these groups has around 20 people and it's a bit more or less per event depending on occasion. We always go together and it's just how it is. We go out and do things, have dinners, throw bday parties and events etc.

    Once we were having dinner and it was a group of 8, she last minute asked me if she could come and expected I'd just adjust the booking. A group's dynamic changes when someone random comes in. I asked a couple of my friends and they said they'd rather stick with the people that were going already and not bring anymore people.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You need to train yourself to not mention these get togethers if you dont want her to invite herself.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your friend lacks boundaries and discretion.

    Tell her the truth and politely decline her request.

    If you don't think your friends want a random person to join in, then respect your friends' wishes.

    If you think your friend sounds lonely and wishes to be included, then be nice to your friend and do something with her individually such as meet for a meal, take a walk and be nice. Have 1:1 time with her. Break it to her gently. Tell her that your group has their preferences. However, tell her that you're willing to be her friend. Handle this gently so her feelings of rejection and being snubbed won't hurt as much; because you're offering to spend time with her. It will soften the blow.

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    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with melancholy123. Learn to keep your mouth shut. Don't disclose and divulge. Remain generic and mum. Don't blab. Keep quiet.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If this woman 'keeps asking' to go along with you, then I must assume that you see her often. Why is that, if you don't want to be in her company when you have other friends? Are you just using her for a back-up when you don't have anything else to do?

    If you don't want to have this woman in your life, stop seeing her.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I wouldn't respond if it's not someone you know very well. Sometimes it's ok not to say anything. If she brings it up again next time in conversation, I'd just mention you saw her message but are sorry you forgot to respond. Generally people get the point. I agree about not mentioning it in the first place but the cat's out of the bag and it doesn't sound like you know her very well. I wouldn't give it so much thought. Enjoy your weekend.

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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    If this woman 'keeps asking' to go along with you, then I must assume that you see her often. Why is that, if you don't want to be in her company when you have other friends? Are you just using her for a back-up when you don't have anything else to do?

    If you don't want to have this woman in your life, stop seeing her.
    That's not the situation, and there is no need to get defensive.
    The fact you jumped to that conclusion says a lot.
    Don't assume anything cos you're just wrong.

    It is okay to have separate groups of friends.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Who in this group doesn't want her to come? Is it a ticketed or reserved thing? Refer her to whoever hosts it and doesn't want her there. It may be best not to mention it to her if she is excluded.
    Originally Posted by Honeycomb8
    I'm going to an end of year even with a big bunch of my friends, and it's been a tradition for a few years. I had dinner with a friend yesterday that's now asking if she can come. It's meant to be a group thing-our group thing and I don't know what to reply back with?

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