Do you find comfort in visiting the cemetery?

My mom was buried in different country and i have yet visited her resting place. I'm planning to in the near future. does anyone get sense of connection visiting your loved ones final resting place?

I'm so sorry for your loss...

How long has your mom been deceased? If it's not too long, then I can understand your wanting to visit. Do you have any photos of her resting place? Perhaps that would help you. Ultimately, I feel it depends on how the person feels about visiting the cemetery (religion, guilt, etc). Some people may find comfort in visiting; others not so much, and still others, not at all. Both of my parents are deceased (my father 39 years ago; my mother 18 years ago). When I lived closer to the cemetery, I did go. I think it was because I felt that that was the right thing to do, and it did help me with the grieving process.

Now, I live about 5 hours' drive from there now, so I don't go at all. In my case, the desire to visit after so many years has lessened. I hope I don't sound harsh but now I have no desire at all unless I am in that area (which is almost never). And, even then, I won't necessarily make it a point to go. Granted, it takes about one hour, but still. Don't get me wrong, I miss them terribly and I think about them very often.

Not personally, no. I'm also averse to symbolism, likely to an extreme. Call it an over correction after my Army days. But many do, and that's just fine. You'll know how you'll feel once you're there. Sorry for your loss. I hope the experience brings what you hope it will.

I do, yes . I visit my grandparents and my baby. ❤️

So sorry for your loss. I guess I tend to celebrate the spirit of my loved ones who have passed. However you do it, that's fine. Ashes on the mantle, cemetery... it's the thought that counts!!!

I'm so sorry for your loss...

 

How long has your mom been deceased? If it's not too long, then I can understand your wanting to visit. Do you have any photos of her resting place? Perhaps that would help you. Ultimately, I feel it depends on how the person feels about visiting the cemetery (religion, guilt, etc). Some people may find comfort in visiting; others not so much, and still others, not at all. Both of my parents are deceased (my father 39 years ago; my mother 18 years ago). When I lived closer to the cemetery, I did go. I think it was because I felt that that was the right thing to do, and it did help me with the grieving process.

 

Now, I live about 5 hours' drive from there now, so I don't go at all. In my case, the desire to visit after so many years has lessened. I hope I don't sound harsh but now I have no desire at all unless I am in that area (which is almost never). And, even then, I won't necessarily make it a point to go. Granted, it takes about one hour, but still. Don't get me wrong, I miss them terribly and I think about them very often.

my mom passed away years ago but i was very young when she died. The grieving process was delayed and i didn't start grieving for her until

3 years ago, in my late 20's. Part of me is guilt since i never got to say good bye. We were staying in different country when she passed and i din't know she was sick because i was busy with my own live and didn't have contact with her in her final days. So i feel like i need to make amends

my mom passed away years ago but i was very young when she died. The grieving process was delayed and i didn't start grieving for her until

3 years ago, in my late 20's. Part of me is guilt since i never got to say good bye. We were staying in different country when she passed and i din't know she was sick because i was busy with my own live and didn't have contact with her in her final days. So i feel like i need to make amends

Oh, I feel so bad for you. That's a difficult situation, you poor dear. If you can visit her resting place at some point, like you mentioned, I think it would bring you the closure and comfort that you need. xx

I haven't lost anyone I'm close to, fortunately, but I still very much appreciate the cemetery. It's quiet, beautiful and peaceful. I feel that in being there I am taking part in honoring the departed, I read their gravestone and wonder about their lives and experiences.

As my kids got to be older I would have outings with them to the cemetery we lived near. It was a fairly old one as an early settlement, I used that opportunity to explain history and events in our country, my kids seemed to find it interesting. I guess I like graveyards.

I'm very sorry for your loss, MrsWise.

No, I don't find comfort visiting a cemetery. To the contrary, I feel death all around me as I walk around headstones and tombstones. Walking at cemeteries scare and truly depress me.

I feel a real connection to the deceased in my mind and heart. Heartwarming and not so good memories are what keep me connected. I don't think it's the location of where the deceased that matters. What matters is what they left behind such as whatever they imparted to you while they were living.

Also, in my prayers. I pray they are well taken care of by Him. This is my belief. They went home to Him.

I feel this way towards my father, grandparents, relatives, friends and other lost loved ones. For me, it's not the geography and where they're buried. Their life and memories are within me daily.

I do find comfort visiting my mother's resting place.

She passed away many, many years ago and she's interred several hundred miles away fom where I live, but when I do go I speak to her out loud and think about her.

Yes, you can do that anywhere. But it's something I want to do, so I do.

Sorry for your loss, Mrs Wise.

I don't generally go out of my way to visit cemeteries. But when I'm there I will visit someone else's resting place out of respect.

Not me. I have no desire to go to any cemetery where someone I knew is buried.

Unfortunately it sounds like you're very depressed. You need to get to a doctor for a checkup and a referral to therapy. No, this or that event or visit or stab at "closure", will not shock you out of the ruminating, guilt and other depressive thoughts you are chronically having.

Make amends to who? You can do that through therapy, support groups or some sort of spiritual counseling, if that is helpful. Get to a doctor and stop torturing yourself or continually finding reasons to be sad or guilty or ruminating etc. over all sorts of things you can't change.

Chose life. Chose health. Stop communicating with hurtful family who abused you, especially your mothers brother who condones the abuse.. Just stop.

my mom passed away years ago. Part of me is guilt since i never got to say good bye.

Unfortunately it sounds like you're very depressed. You need to get to a doctor for a checkup and a referral to therapy. No, this or that event or visit or stab at "closure", will not shock you out of the ruminating, guilt and other depressive thoughts you are chronically having.

 

Make amends to who? You can do that through therapy, support groups or some sort of spiritual counseling, if that is helpful. Get to a doctor and stop torturing yourself or continually finding reasons to be sad or guilty or ruminating etc. over all sorts of things you can't change.

 

Chose life. Chose health. Stop communicating with hurtful family who abused you, especially your mothers brother who condones the abuse.. Just stop.

You're being overly harsh and judgmental . I take you haven't lost anyone close to you so you can't relate? If so then you would know that there is nothing in our lives more patient than grief and grief will sit and wait and it will never just go away without being acknowledged.There is no timeline for grief. guilt and regret is normal grief emotion even though we know logically we can't change the past. I'm not choosing to be sad ,sorry, that’s sadly just not how feelings works. I feel sadness and over the loss that wane and wax over time. Some days I feel fine only to slip back into deep grief the next day which is normal.

While emotionally painful, the natural grieving process helps us heal. And I don't think my grief has morphed into depression because it doesn't interfere with my ability to function, engage in hobbies that i enjoy and that temporally take my mind off my problems.I attend support group that i find helpful. I've written a letter expressing my feelings to her that i would like to read at her resting place. The closest place i can be to her. I have the desire to visit her resting place to seek and to finish any unfinished business.

You're being overly harsh and judgmental . I take you haven't lost anyone close to you so you can't relate? If so then you would know that there is nothing in our lives more patient than grief and grief will sit and wait and it will never just go away without being acknowledged.There is no timeline for grief. guilt and regret is normal grief emotion even though we know logically we can't change the past. I'm not choosing to be sad ,sorry, that’s sadly just not how feelings works. I feel sadness and over the loss that wane and wax over time. Some days I feel fine only to slip back into deep grief the next day which is normal.

 

While emotionally painful, the natural grieving process helps us heal. And I don't think my grief has morphed into depression because it doesn't interfere with my ability to function, engage in hobbies that i enjoy and that temporally take my mind off my problems.I attend support group that i find helpful. I've written a letter expressing my feelings to her that i would like to read at her resting place. The closest place i can be to her. I have the desire to visit her resting place to seek and to finish any unfinished business.

Do what you feel you have to do to pay your respects to your mother or honour her memory. It takes time. Don't feel ashamed or like something is wrong with you. There are a lot of negative or fearful associations with grave sites and cemeteries. My family has long been in the funeral and casket business for several generations so death has always been a fact of life for us. The idea of a resting place and a peaceful place for grieving loved ones is not unusual to me and if there's one thing I've learned from a very young age is that different people grieve and move through stages differently. I don't like stating the obvious but these places are there for a reason. Let's not forget that they are places where we (the living) have housed our dead so that we can come back to pay our respects and honour their memory. Most cultures/societies have tombs, crematoriums, cemetaries to honour and place human remains safely and legally. Not everyone will experience positive or helpful associations when it comes to their departed loved ones in terms of visiting or paying respects later on at these places. That's ok also. I have family members who avoid the crematorium or cemetary. I agree with you that grief takes time to unravel and different people may be alarmed at the grieving process more than others. You should do as you feel is necessary and work through that grief. If it becomes too difficult, seek counselling too. There is no shame in getting an outside perspective especially if you have been dealing with something alone for a long time.

You would think that with my family's background (also religious Catholic) I would be more impervious to grief but I'm not. It didn't make things easier and it doesn't make anything less unpredictable or painful. We all go through transitions when we see our loved ones die or no longer have them with us (a constant reminder that something did happen - that person passed away). You can go through your emotions privately in those quiet places and also see a counselor if you feel you need to speak to someone too. It doesn't have to be one or the other.