Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 15 of 15

Thread: Do you find comfort in visiting the cemetery?

  1. #11
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    477
    Sorry for your loss, Mrs Wise.

    I don't generally go out of my way to visit cemeteries. But when I'm there I will visit someone else's resting place out of respect.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,497
    Gender
    Female
    Not me. I have no desire to go to any cemetery where someone I knew is buried.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,066
    Gender
    Male
    Unfortunately it sounds like you're very depressed. You need to get to a doctor for a checkup and a referral to therapy. No, this or that event or visit or stab at "closure", will not shock you out of the ruminating, guilt and other depressive thoughts you are chronically having.

    Make amends to who? You can do that through therapy, support groups or some sort of spiritual counseling, if that is helpful. Get to a doctor and stop torturing yourself or continually finding reasons to be sad or guilty or ruminating etc. over all sorts of things you can't change.

    Chose life. Chose health. Stop communicating with hurtful family who abused you, especially your mothers brother who condones the abuse.. Just stop.
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    my mom passed away years ago. Part of me is guilt since i never got to say good bye.

  4. #14
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    44
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately it sounds like you're very depressed. You need to get to a doctor for a checkup and a referral to therapy. No, this or that event or visit or stab at "closure", will not shock you out of the ruminating, guilt and other depressive thoughts you are chronically having.

    Make amends to who? You can do that through therapy, support groups or some sort of spiritual counseling, if that is helpful. Get to a doctor and stop torturing yourself or continually finding reasons to be sad or guilty or ruminating etc. over all sorts of things you can't change.

    Chose life. Chose health. Stop communicating with hurtful family who abused you, especially your mothers brother who condones the abuse.. Just stop.
    You're being overly harsh and judgmental . I take you haven't lost anyone close to you so you can't relate? If so then you would know that there is nothing in our lives more patient than grief and grief will sit and wait and it will never just go away without being acknowledged.There is no timeline for grief. guilt and regret is normal grief emotion even though we know logically we can't change the past. I'm not choosing to be sad ,sorry, thatís sadly just not how feelings works. I feel sadness and over the loss that wane and wax over time. Some days I feel fine only to slip back into deep grief the next day which is normal.

    While emotionally painful, the natural grieving process helps us heal. And I don't think my grief has morphed into depression because it doesn't interfere with my ability to function, engage in hobbies that i enjoy and that temporally take my mind off my problems.I attend support group that i find helpful. I've written a letter expressing my feelings to her that i would like to read at her resting place. The closest place i can be to her. I have the desire to visit her resting place to seek and to finish any unfinished business.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,487
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    You're being overly harsh and judgmental . I take you haven't lost anyone close to you so you can't relate? If so then you would know that there is nothing in our lives more patient than grief and grief will sit and wait and it will never just go away without being acknowledged.There is no timeline for grief. guilt and regret is normal grief emotion even though we know logically we can't change the past. I'm not choosing to be sad ,sorry, thatís sadly just not how feelings works. I feel sadness and over the loss that wane and wax over time. Some days I feel fine only to slip back into deep grief the next day which is normal.

    While emotionally painful, the natural grieving process helps us heal. And I don't think my grief has morphed into depression because it doesn't interfere with my ability to function, engage in hobbies that i enjoy and that temporally take my mind off my problems.I attend support group that i find helpful. I've written a letter expressing my feelings to her that i would like to read at her resting place. The closest place i can be to her. I have the desire to visit her resting place to seek and to finish any unfinished business.
    Do what you feel you have to do to pay your respects to your mother or honour her memory. It takes time. Don't feel ashamed or like something is wrong with you. There are a lot of negative or fearful associations with grave sites and cemeteries. My family has long been in the funeral and casket business for several generations so death has always been a fact of life for us. The idea of a resting place and a peaceful place for grieving loved ones is not unusual to me and if there's one thing I've learned from a very young age is that different people grieve and move through stages differently. I don't like stating the obvious but these places are there for a reason. Let's not forget that they are places where we (the living) have housed our dead so that we can come back to pay our respects and honour their memory. Most cultures/societies have tombs, crematoriums, cemetaries to honour and place human remains safely and legally. Not everyone will experience positive or helpful associations when it comes to their departed loved ones in terms of visiting or paying respects later on at these places. That's ok also. I have family members who avoid the crematorium or cemetary. I agree with you that grief takes time to unravel and different people may be alarmed at the grieving process more than others. You should do as you feel is necessary and work through that grief. If it becomes too difficult, seek counselling too. There is no shame in getting an outside perspective especially if you have been dealing with something alone for a long time.

    You would think that with my family's background (also religious Catholic) I would be more impervious to grief but I'm not. It didn't make things easier and it doesn't make anything less unpredictable or painful. We all go through transitions when we see our loved ones die or no longer have them with us (a constant reminder that something did happen - that person passed away). You can go through your emotions privately in those quiet places and also see a counselor if you feel you need to speak to someone too. It doesn't have to be one or the other.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Romance At Work: Yes Or No?

How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships

Forgiveness Does Not Always Solve Relationship Problems

Too Much Commitment Can Destroy Romantic Relationship

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Smoking?
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •